I am soooo sorry to come on here with this but I know we talk about more then just CML in this group and when you need to vent or talk it always seem welcome. Well I need to vent or talk I am not sure which......
I know there are alot of people on this group and that some may not be of the christian faith so I hope nothing I am about to say offends you because that is not my intention. I know what you believe about a higher power is as important to you as to me so maybe you will understand why I am so upset.
I am by raising a died n the wool Penticostal. I do not neccasarily (sp?) live all the standards that my faith believes in though I have convictions about most of them, I am just rather rebellious and tend to ignore the ones that I am not completley sure of.
My 16 year old son just informed me that he is NOT a christian! He is agnostic. He broke my heart, to put it quite simply. I have raised he and his brother and sister in church for most of their lives ( It wasnt until I was dx that I have been out more then in) From the time Corrie was three he was in church EVERY time the doors were open. I went (and still do when I go) to what I call the "green berets" of the Penticostal movement, I go to a Holiness Church. He has heard the story of Christ all his life. At the age of five he told my pastor he wanted to be babtised, (he has always been a very serious child and extremely smart and above his age in understanding) when my preacher asked him why (seeing if he understood why you do it) he looked up at my preacher and said "I have a movie at home and in it Jesus gets babtised, if He did I want to" my preacher grinned real big looked at me and said "good enough for me!" He was babtised later that day in the river
at Carrsville Kentucky.
It breaks my heart to hear him say that he is not "sure" Jesus is the Son of God. I just wanted to start crying. He does not believe anymore that the bible is the inspired word of God. I thought oh my Lord what have I done. I havent taken him to church like I "should" have for too many years. I know he will be required of me in heaven. I feel sooo lost right now. And right before I started writing to you guys I hung my head and thought Dear Jesus just go ahead and take me now, I dont want to be cured, I dont want to live to see this happening.
The ones of you that are of christian belief on this group will understand my frustration and grief, the ones who are agnostic, atheist or of some religion that does not recognize Jesus Christ will probably think I am stupid and that is okay but the rest of you will understand and that is what I need at this moment, an understanding ear. I hope I havent offended or infuriated anyone and thank you for listening.
Sincerely,
Katy
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DX: 10/03 400mg gleevec
1st remission: 12/03
#677 in Zero Club
1st relapse: 6/05 raised to 600mg gleevec
2nd second remission: 8/05
2nd relapse: 6/06 to current
Taken off of gleevec 6/06
xanga.com/katybug45
DX: 10/03 400mg gleevec
1st remission: 12/03
#677 in Zero Club
1st relapse: 6/05 raised to 600mg gleevec
2nd second remission: 8/05
2nd relapse: 6/06 to current
Taken off of gleevec 6/06
xanga.com/katybug45
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