Hi Brolin, I commend you for your openness and courage for putting yourself out there like you have. I've known a few guys with your particular traits and I sympathise. I imagine it would be very difficult to find your place communally, a lot of people don't understand how over-thought and considered every social interaction is for someone such as yourself. The guys I have known have found it very difficult to interpret body language which can scare off a lot of people, they've needed people who understand and are willing to educate them or at least tell them when something may be to their detriment. Most people won't say a thing, endure, then run a mile.
Although it is possible there may be someone on this list who can aide you in your search, I'd suggest seeking out a support service with like minded people. Typing "aspergers support forum mailing list" into google reveals there are a few, though I can't vouch for any of them. I wish you all the best, I believe there is someone, and a place, for everyone. Good luck mate. Sarton On 11/09/2009 6:12 AM, Brolin Empey wrote: > Hello list, > > Like most of the members of this list (AFAICT from the first names I > recognise as sex/gender-specific), I am male. I am 22 and still live > with my parents. I have never lived away from my parents. I am > planning to hire a support worker to help me live away from my parents > (I have another meeting later today) because I continue to indefinitely > defer trying to live away from my parents. I named my form of > procrastination “priority inversion” because what is, in practical > terms, my lowest priority, becomes my highest priority. For example, I > choose to spend my free time playing with my computers, including my > FreeRunner, instead of learning about human biology and/or nutrition, > which will affect me every day of my life, and at least trying to live > away from my parents. When I say I play with my computers, I do not > mean gaming: I almost never play games anymore. Even when I decide I > want to play a game again, I spend all of my time reading about games, > viewing screenshots and videos, and trying to decide which of the > endless games I should play (or rather, obtain if I do not already have > a copy and make work on my PC) instead of actually playing a game. I > feel like I am always overwhelmed and/or overloaded with information and > stimulation in the Too Much Information Age. I always feel like the NET > Effect is that there is Never Enough Time because time flies faster than > ever because I am always overthinking, overwhelmed with overchoice, > etc. I recognise my mind is a word and pattern recognition engine, > which is constantly adding new stimulations/experiences to its > database. I have Asperger’s Syndrome, but can function much better, at > least in terms of interacting with people in person, than when I was in > high school, for example. I used to often feel like I had social > anxiety disorder because I would get so anxious and/or worried even when > calling someone on the phone (on my parents’s landline because I did not > have a cell phone until 2008) that I could not speak clearly enough for > the person on the other end to understand me, so I would always have to > repeat myself at least once for every turn of the conversation. I am a > purist and have been called the most pedantic person in the world by > Jamie Zawinski, of Lucid Emacs/XEmacs and Netscape/Mozilla fame. :) > Imprecise usage and redundancy bothers me even if know what is meant > from the context. For example, I am bothered by people mentioning a > “standard” transmission in a vehicle (it is a manual transmission. > Standard depends on the vehicle. Automatic is standard for some > vehicles.), calling an LCD monitor (a flat /panel/) a “flat screen” > (high-end CRTs have flat glass too!), common redundancies, such as PIN > number, ATM machine, LCD display, people who assume all cars use crappy > gasoline engines and use fuel-specific terms, such as gas station (it is > a service station), gas tank (it is a fuel tank), gas pedal (it is an > accellerator), gas pump (I have used a diesel pump at Shell that told me > to “select octane” instead of “select ctane” (sp?) or “select fuel > grade”. My car has a diesel, not gasoline, engine. I have been highly > influenced by my father, Brian Empey. Brian is a Professional Engineer > (Electrical Engineering). He founded Technical Solutions Inc. (Techsol) > in 1996 with his second wife (my step-mom), Karen Empey (nee > Schellenberg). Techsol is an embedded computer hardware company > specialising in Linux on ARM architecture. I am very fortunate to be > able to work at Techsol. I am a Linux + Windows System > Administrator/Web master/IT person/general computer person. I think my > responsibiles are more important than my title(s). I know I am very > dependent on my parents, but at least I own my own car (which I bought > from my dad), have a Class 7 driver’s licence (the Novice stage of the > Graduated Licensing Program in British Columbia, Canada. I live in the > Lower Mainland of British Columbia, Canada), my own credit union > account, debit (Interac) card, MasterCard credit card, personal cheques > (/not/ checks!), which I almost never use (I think I have written a > total of 3 cheques in my life), cell phones (Nokia 6103b + FreeRunner), > PayPal account, domain names (brolin.be <http://brolin.be> + others), > Virtual Private Server (VPS), which hosts my personal Web site, PCs and > peripherals, far too many original/boxed PC games, which I almost never > play anymore, bicycle, ... I am definitely a relatively rich/wealthy > person in Canada and extremely wealthy compared to less fortunate people > in both developed and developing countries. I know I should not > complain because I am very fortunate; I know my life could always be > /much/ worse, even if I lack much first-hand experience of how much > worse it could be. > > Anyway, enough rambling. I need to finally address the Subject of this > message (I hope at least 1 person actually read this far!). How/where > can I meet a female companion /in person/ with similar interests and > personality? Someone who can appreciate my word associations, puns, > sexual innuendo, jokes, purism, etc.? Someone who can relate to and > understand the computer humour in xkcd comics (I do not understand a lot > of the math used in xkcd, but I still know relatively more about math > than non-technical people because of my interest in computing and > computer programming), someone who analyses everything as much as I do, > someone who is interested by books such as /Consciousness Explained/ by > Daniel C. Dennet, (personal) computing history, computer art scenes such > as the demoscene, The Scene (warez groups, etc. even though I no longer > use much unlicensed software because I prefer to support Free Software > projects instead of using unlicensed proprietary software), computer > music (module music, chiptunes). > > I have a tendency to isolate myself from face-to-face contact with my > peers, even though I know meeting people requires being in the same > place as them. I have few friends (well, at least peers) I know in > person. I choose to spend most of my free time at home, either alone or > with my parents, instead of trying to meet new people in person. I am > too shy and self-conscious in public. > > Can anyone relate to me? What should I do? I know I have volunteered a > lot of personal information in this post, but much of it is already > publicly accessible for those who know my real/legal name and know how > to use tools such as Google Search. I have been considering writing a > post like this for months (maybe already >1 year), but I ended up > stopping writing early because I felt uncomfortable about volunteering > so much personal information. What do I have to lose, though? I need > to stop being so self-conscious. > > Why are most of the peers with whom I can relate well male? Do females > have the same problem? Are there even any females reading this? :) > > Thank you for reading this far! > > Brolin :) > > PS: As you can probably tell, I prefer to write properly (with correct > grammar, spelling, punctuation, capitalisation, typographical quotation > marks and em dashes instead of ASCII typewriter quotation marks and > ASCII approximations of em dashes, etc.), even in informal contexts and > for SMS. I also prefer to say SMS instead of “text message”, but you > could probably have guessed that from my previous examples of my > purism. I also prefer logical, simple, and unambiguous ISO 8601 (e.g., > today is 2009-09-10 13:37 ;)) international standard date and time > notation, especially instead of the illogical 12h time notation, which > many people insist on using in fuzzy and/or ambiguous ways, such as > “quarter to one” instead of “12:45” (24h). I know HH:MM (00:00 – 23:59) > can be interpreted as ambiguous 12h when the hour is <= 12, but I do not > like to use HHMM (without the separator (the colon)) because I prefer to > separate the components of the time of day. I originally used an ASCII > minus character (‘-’) as a range separator, but I decided I should use > gucharmap to copy and paste a proper en dash because otherwise I would > be hypocritical for using proper em dashes but using an ASCII > approximation instead of a proper en dash because I am too lazy to use > gucharmap. (fail) > > PPS: As you may have noticed, I use the same convention as the C > programming language for usage of single and double quotation marks. C > uses only ASCII characters, though; I use both ASCII and Unicode (yes, > I know Unicode includes ASCII) for e.g., typographical quotation marks > and dashes. > > PPPS: I also highly prefer communities such as this mailing list, where > posters use their real/legal names and are consequently accountable for > their actions (messages) and write properly instead of e.g., Web > bulletin boards frequented by the ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder), “tl; > dr” (“too long; didn’t read”) crowd, most of whom use nicknames instead > of their real/legal names. > > -- > Sometimes I forget how to do small talk: <http://xkcd.com/222/> > > “If you have to ask why, you’re not a member of the intended audience.” > — Bob Zimbinski, <http://webpages.mr.net/bobz/ttyquake/> > > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > > _______________________________________________ > Openmoko community mailing list > community@lists.openmoko.org > http://lists.openmoko.org/mailman/listinfo/community _______________________________________________ Openmoko community mailing list community@lists.openmoko.org http://lists.openmoko.org/mailman/listinfo/community