http://www.timesheraldonline.com/judge/docs/news10.shtml
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Dan Judge Column
Jan. 17: Clinton in a puff of smoke
Et tu, Clintonus, et tu? Yes, Bill Clinton, the world's most famous smoker,
has stabbed his fellow
lung jockeys in the back. Well, actually he stabbed us a little lower - in
the wallet.
The president has proposed a federal tax increase of 55 cents per pack on
cigarettes to help pay for
new domestic and military spending programs.
And this from a guy who was photographed lighting a stogie in what proved to
be a premature
celebration of the Paula Jones case being thrown out of court. Not to
mention that El Presidente and
his girlfriend also managed to turn the very word "cigar" into a dirty joke
through their abuse of
tobacco products.
The Hypocrite-in-Chief's tax proposal, supposedly designed to keep kids from
smoking but really
meant to make him look good during the Senate's impeachment trial, comes
immediately on the
heels of a 45-cent increase by the tobacco companies in December. That boost
was forced by the
settlement of lawsuits filed by 46 states seeking reimbursement for
health-care costs caused by
smoking.
Here in California, Jan. 1 also saw the enactment of actor-director-creep
Rob Reiner's Prop. 10,
which levies a 50-cent increase per pack - more like 87 cents once you do
the voodoo tax math
involved - to raise funds for early childhood development programs.
Folks, the smell of money is in the water and the politicians and
actor-director-creeps are swarming.
It's D-Day in the Battle for Enforced Health and the lead invasion troops
are hitting the beaches of
Normandy. Only this time smokers get to be the Germans.
And here I am using this column once again to play the part of Axis Sally,
broadcasting discouraging
messages to the advancing soldiers:
"Go home, G.I.'s! This is not your fight! Your government is being unfair
and this war is unjust!
Besides, your wife is probably sleeping with the milkman while you fight
this stupid battle!"
But I see there's no point to it anymore. We've already lost. Heck, I came
to grips with the fact I'd
probably have to quit smoking two price hikes ago when the boss turned down
my request for a
cost-of-dying increase.
Arguments about individual freedom and the unfairness of punishing one
segment of society for
purchasing a legal product fell on deaf ears. Our defeat was assured by the
fact that tobacco has
been demonized to the point where most people don't even think it's possible
to mistreat a smoker
anymore. As a result, no one squawks when the politicians and Rob Reiner
move in for an
unchecked feeding frenzy.
Game over. They win.
I believe it's going to be something of an empty victory, though.
The increases might have made some kind of sense if the revenues were used
to implement
anti-smoking programs and defray medical costs due to cigarettes. That way
the need for more
money to fund the programs would naturally diminish along with the dwindling
number of smokers
paying the tab.
But politicians and Rob Reiner are greedy scum, so they aren't doing that.
Only a fraction is going
toward anti-smoking efforts or health costs while the rest is spent on items
completely unrelated to
cigarettes.
Clinton wants to spend his proposed tax money on after-school programs,
support for disabled
workers, hiring new police officers, tax credits and $100 billion worth of
new military projects.
Reiner wants to spend his Prop. 10 money on...on...well, no one really knows
for sure yet, but he's
promised us some kind of ongoing programs for kids.
The states plan to spend their settlement money on everything from
sidewalk-fixing programs to -
and I love this one - helping tobacco farmers.
If all these people are successful in their stated purpose to make people
quit smoking through
exorbitant taxation, all their wonderful ongoing programs will turn out to
be built on sand. As the
smokers disappear, the funding goes up in smoke, too.
Their only option will be finding something else to demonize and tax.
My advice would be to stock up your liquor cabinet. I firmly believe these
idiots are going to pump
the sin well for money until we're a country known mainly for its tax-driven
puritanism.
But, like I said, there isn't really any point in arguing. We've lost.
The only thing left is to be mean and petty and hope there are a lot of
senators who smoke presiding
over our two-faced president's impeachment hearing.
In a perfect world, they'd let us impeach movie directors, too.
Return to the Judge Index || Return to Times Herald Homepage
All rights reserved. Copyright 1998, Times Herald. This content may not be
archived,
retransmitted, saved in a database, or used for any commercial purpose
without the express
written permission of the Times Herald..
