-Caveat Lector-
Five Surgeons.wpd
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating
table,
because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians!
Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best;
everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers ~
those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the
end and when the job takes longer than you said it would."
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed:
"You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.
There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are
interchangeable.
=========
Girl : When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles
and lighten your burden.
Boy : It's very kind of you, darling. But I don't have any worries or
troubles.
Girl : Well that's because we aren't married yet.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
"Have a heart that never hardens,
and a temper that never tires,
and a touch that never hurts."
~ Charles Dickens Three Guys.wpd
=======
Three guys, a Canadian, an Iraqi and an Israeli are out walking together
one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I
will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will
also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." With a
blink of the Genie's eye, 'FOOM' the land in Canada was forever made
fertile for farming.
The Iraqi was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Iraq, so that no
infidels, Christians or Jews, can come into our precious state." Again,
with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around
Iraq.
Izzy Goldberg, the Israeli asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more
about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and
completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out."
Izzy says, "Fill it up with water."
WORDS OF WISDOM.wpd
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you
left them
to where you can't find them.
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody
appreciates how difficult it was.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as warning
to others.
Ray's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
Paranoids are people too; they have their own problems.
It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid
too.
Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
research.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your
principles.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried
before.
Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
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