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TOWER OF POMOBABBLE DOMINATES GROVES OF ACADEME

A professor once wrote this about Tonya Harding's attack on Nancy Kerrigan:
"This melodrama parsed the transgressive hybridity of unnarrativized
representative bodies back into recognizable heterovisual codes." Probable
English translation: Maybe Tonya had Nancy's leg smashed because she was
attracted to her. If so, the media wouldn't tell us.

The professor was writing in "pomobabble." This is the jargon of
postmodernism, the intellectual movement that says truth doesn't exist and
that all values and knowledge are "socially constructed" -- made up to
serve the interests of the powerful.

Postmodernism has swept through our universities, doing great damage. But
"pomobabble" has emerged as a source of constant mirth. As a hoax, Alan
Sokal, a physicist at New York University, wrote an article in dense
pomobabble arguing that gravity and physical reality are social constructs.
Social Text magazine took it as a serious piece and published it. Later, to
explain the joke to the magazine's editors, Sokal said that anyone who
doubts the law of gravity should come up to his apartment and try walking
out the window. He lives on the 21st floor.

Pomobabblers now win most awards in the annual Bad Writing Contest, says
Denis Dutton, a professor in New Zealand and editor of Philosophy and
Literature, the scholarly journal that sponsors the competition. Homi
Bhabha of the University of Chicago took second place last year for this
sentence:

"If, for a while, the ruse of desire is calculable for the uses of
discipline soon the repetition of guilt, justification, pseudo-scientific
theories, superstitition, spurious authorities and classifications can be
seen as the desperate effort to 'normalize' formally the disturbance of a
discourse of splitting that violated the rational, enlightened claim of its
enunciatory modality."

Wondering what an enunciatory modality might be, I phoned Bhabha, who
explained that it is technical language referring to a network of terms,
vocabulary and language that construct a particular set of meanings. I was
pleased he was able to clear that up.

The grand prizewinner of 1998 was a 94-word effort by Judith Butler of the
University of California, Berkeley, a professor of rhetoric and comparative
literature. For a school assignment, my daughter and a classmate worked
four hours to untangle and diagram this sentence. Here it comes, at half
its length to save space:

"The move from a structuralist account ... marked a shift from a form of
Althusserian theory that takes structural totalities as theoretical objects
to one in which the insights into the contingent possibility of structure
inaugurate a renewed conception of hegemony as bound up with the contingent
sites and strategies of the rearticulation of power."

Butler is an academic star. But Martha Nussbaum, a scholar at the
University of Chicago Law School, recently wrote that when Butler's notions
are stated clearly and succinctly, they don't amount to much. The obscurity
of Butler's prose, she wrote, "bullies the reader into granting that, since
one cannot figure out what is going on, there must be something significant
going on."

Many scholars are now busy mocking pomobabble. The Michigan Law Review ran
a long spoof of postmodern legal gibberish written by law professor Dennis
Arrow ("There is the double narrative, the narrative of the vision enclosed
in the general narrative carried on by the same narrator.")

Australian professors have created a "Postmodern Generator," an Internet
Web site that spits out a new essay in pomobabble each time the site is hit
(http://www.cs.monash.edu.au/cgi-bin/postmodern). My visit to the site
produced deep thoughts about Marxism ("Thus, Marx uses the term 'Marxism'
to denote not, in fact, desublimation but predesublimation. The example of
dialectic narrative ... emerges again in 'The Last Words of Dutch Schultz,'
although in a more textual sense.")

Anyone can learn pomobabble. String together words such as "hegemonic,"
"transgressive," "narrativity" and "valorization." Refer often to murky
French philosophers. Deprivilege heterosexuality by gluing "hetero" to the
front of normal words, creating terms like "heterotextuality."

Denis Dutton is so good at this that I asked him to translate three recent
quotes from American politics into pomospeak. Here they are, academically
transformed:

1. "The gendered non-being in modes of heterolocalized transgressivity
negotiates while it articulates an ontology of the sexualized body
simultaneously within a contested absentation of narrativity symbolized
within a discourse of indiscriminate penetrative phallicism. ("I never had
sexual relations with that woman.")

2. "The multivocality of semanticism essentialized in a dialogue of Being
instantiates while it interrogates a hermeneutic of self-annihilating
discursive spaces which occlude the ontological signifier. ("It depends on
what you mean by 'is.'")

3. The negotiating of sanguinary tumescence structured by a closure of
post-coital transgressivity encodes while it marginalizes a physiognomic
narrative of frigid aquacity. ("You better put some ice on that.")

COPYRIGHT 1999 JOHN LEO
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A<>E<>R

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