-Caveat Lector-
Fez petting zoo
The secrets of fraternal organizations are revealed.
JUST WHO ARE THE FREEMASONS? Is there really a global conspiracy being
headed by a modern-day Illuminati? Just what is that weird one-eyed thing
doing on the the back of dollar bills? These are important questions that
plague the modern mind, and J. Cruelty is pleased to bring you the latest
findings from our research.
Secret societies have existed through the ages, in every culture on Earth.
The Gnostics, the Roman mystery cults, shamans, and other groups all
incorporated a ritualized initiation that binds together an inner circle
while keeping out the lowly elements of the "profane" world. But it was in
modern Europe that secret societies developed along the lines of the Masonic
Lodge. Once this culture was transplanted to America, secret societies
blossomed into a thriving sub-strata of society, for it was in America that
more than 50 major societies and secret organizations battled each other for
membership and control.
With millions of members and hundreds of years of history behind them, secret
societies are as American as apple pie. You would think that secret groups
that claimed the loyalty of millions of people would be an important subject
for any American history class. But societies are ignored...why? Could it be
because someone doesn't want you to know the TRUTH?
Right wing demagogues are fond of saying that "America" (they mean the United
States) "is a Christian nation," and "You can't deny the fact that the
Founding Fathers were pious Christian men." Evangelicals hold this up as
"proof" that we need to have more prayer in schools.
Well, as any good student knows, the Founding Fathers were DEISTS! They
thought that God was a giant watchmaker who had set the world ticking and
then atood back. He wanted REASON to run the world, that's why he put man in
control. Deists believed in SCIENCE. They wanted a rational republican
order. And what sort of religion appealed to people like that back in the
days of "the Divine Right of Kings" and Popes? Why, the quasi-religious
practices of the Freemasons, of course! yes, George Washington, Ben Franklin
and others were part of that hidden cult. But what does it mean to be a
Mason? Were Americans conspiring to put on silly uniforms and wage a
bourgeois revolution like their counterparts in the Old World? READ ON TO
FIND OUT!!!
As an added bonus, for those of you of a paranoid/conspiratorial bent, I am
highlighting certain areas to show how secret brotherhoods link up and
include many famous people who have tried to rule the world!!!
Ugly Americans:The Benevolent and Protective Order of the Elks
The Elks came about because the New York State Legislature passed a law
closing saloons on Sundays back in 1866. Hard drinking actors and writers
were understandably upset.
A group of thespians took it upon themselves to set up a social club that
would allow its members to drink booze on Sundays. AND SO THIS GROUP OF
ACTORS RENTED OUT A ROOM ON FOURTH STREET (AND LATER BROADWAY) WHERE THEY
FELT FREE TO LIVE-IT-UP.
The society that sprang up around this was initially called The Jolly Corks,
and a cork was used to initiate new members into the group. A Jolly Cork had
to carry a cork at all times on his person or else he would be forced to pay
for a round of drinks.
The idea of getting drunk on a Sunday soon caught on, and the Jolly Corks
started to initiate members from outside the theatrical and literary
professions. The loyal Corks realized that with this sudden influx of new
people, they would need to find a more dignified and respectable sounding
name.
As the debate over what to call themselves was raging, a group of Corks went
to see some animal heads put on display by P.T. Barnum. They rushed back to
the Corks Lodge and informed their boozing buddies "Hey guys! We've got it!
People will look up to us if we call ourselves THE ELKS!"
An official ELKS pamphlet explains the significance of the name. "The animal
from which the Order took its name was chosen because of a number of its
attributes were deemed typical of those to be cultivated by members of the
fraternity. The elk is a distinctly American animal. It habitually lives in
herds. The largest of our native quadrupeds, it is yet fleet of foot and
graceful in movement. It is quick and keen of perception; and while it is
usually gentle and even timorous, it is strong and valiant in defense of its
own." -from page 7 of WHAT IT MEANS TO BE AN ELK
Actually, the largest native quadruped would be a moose or buffalo, but The
Moose have a separate fraternity of their own.
As for the herd mentality, one of the major distinctions of the Elks is their
blind patriotism and unconditional love of the United States. Every meeting
in an Elks lodge devotes time to honoring the flag, and Flag Day is an
important Elks event. At the same time, it is forbidden to discuss politics
at Elks meetings. To create an atmosphere of brotherhood among beer guzzling
quadrupeds, religion and politics are officially kept out. Remember, good
civic virtue means we can all agree to prostrate ourselves before armed
serviceman and the flag!
As late as the 1960's (and much later than that in actual practice) the Elks
were officially open only to "Adult members of the Caucasian or White race."
This racism is quite common among fraternal organizations, most of which
refused to admit Africans throughout their history (see FREEMASONS, below)
The Elks were particularly zealous about maintaining their racial "purity."
Because of their nationalistic orientation, only US. citizens are allowed to
become Elks. In 1898 a man named Alfred E. Riggs organized the first lodge
of Negro Elks. The Negro Elks grew to include some 300,000 members, but were
never recognized as legitimate by other Elks.
The Elks initiation ceremony is simple, and there is only one degree.
Certain aspects of Elk-dom borrow heavily from Masonic tradition, such as the
designated "Tyler" who guards the lodge, and the :Lodge of Sorrow" held for a
deceased Elk.
The Improved Order
of "Red Men"
"Red Men" refers to American Indians and the purpose of this society is "to
perpetuate the beautiful legends and traditions of a vanishing race and to
keep alive its customs, ceremonies and philosophies." Now get this: only
white men may join the Improved Order of Red Men. All fraternal records are
dated back to Columbus' landing in 1492. ( And you thought that the Atlanta
Braves were bad!)
The Red Men trace their heritage to the Sons and Daughters of Liberty and
claim to be the oldest secret society of purely American roots. Actually the
Red Men were founded in 1834, following an earlier 1813 incarnation that
developed a close relationship with bottles of alcohol.
The Improved Order meets in "wigwams", and initiate "palefaces" into the
order after payment in wampum. Each tribe is headed by a Sachem and the
national leader is called the Great Inchonee. Rituals derive from the Odd
Fellows and the Masons (the legend of Hiram Abiff forms the basis for the Red
Men's 3'rd degree -in Indian dress!) Lodge meetings take place around a fire,
where the Prophet, the Junior and Senior Sagamores and the Sachem run around
conducting official business.
A Red Man rises in rank by surviving an "ordeal". He is handed arrows
wrapped in snake's skin, is bound to stake, and threatened with a knife. The
paleface produces a token that allows him to be spared and initiated into the
secrets of the red men. He is given a tomahawk and smokes from a peace pipe.
The Red Men espouse conservatism as their official political philosophy. Red
Men are opposed to welfare, "wasteful spending", income taxes and taxes on
estates. Who keeps the metric system down? "We do! We do!"
The national headquarters of the Improved Order of Red Men was located in
Waco Texas (!)
Grotto: The Mystic
Order of Veiled Prophets
of the Enchanted Realm
The Grotto is one of two social organizations open to Master Masons, which
offer the relaxed atmosphere of the Shrine, without requiring their members
to wait so long or pay so much to get in. Like The Tall Cedars of Lebanon ,
The Grotto uses mystical mumbo-jumbo to justify a bunch of Masons getting
together in silly costumes to do what they could never do at regular meetings
of the Masonic lodge: get drunk! This noble tradition dates back
dozens..er...thousands of years, and is based on rituals found in an ancient
Persian manuscript discovered "in a secret vault of one of the sacred temples
of Teheran, City of Mystery." This sacred text was revised in 1940 by a
group of Americans -you get the picture.
The order was originally founded in 1889 in Hamilton, NY as the Fairchild
Deviltry Committee. Local "Caldrons" of the Order are headed by an elected
Mighty Chosen One (He of the Ridiculous Title and Stilted Tongue), who also
supervises the Daughters of Mokanna women's auxiliary. (see Masons , below)
Strange things from Seattle:
The Fraternal Order of Eagles
I'll try to be brief with this one. The Eagles got their start in Washington
as "The Seattle Order of Good Things", back in 1898. (Numerologists take
note: 1889, 1898...a definite pattern of conspiracy is beginning to emerge!)
The Order was founded by a group of theater owners (but what kind of theaters
were they?), and these theater-types wanted to get together to find "good
things" to do. Apparently they were having so much fun that the Eagles
developed a reputation for hedonism. In 1910, McClure's Magazine called them
"a great national organization of sporting men, bartenders, politicians ,
thieves , and professional criminals" (note the similarity among the last
three).
The Eagles solved this public relations problem by focusing on service to the
community. By actively recruiting God-fearing Caucasian men (no communists
allowed here!) the Eagles grew in size and stature.
Eagles championed social legislation including the eight-hour work day,
pension's for mothers, workers compensation, old age pensions and the Social
Security Act. "When President Roosevelt signed the Social Security Act in
1935, he presented the pen to the Eagles for their unselfish services. "
(-W.J.Whalen, Handbook of Secret Organizations ) So Secret Societies are to
blame for the old age welfare state! Hmmm....
No less than five U.S. Presidents have been Eagles : the Roosevelts,
Harding,Harry Truman, and John F.Kennedy . And the Kennedy connection
continues, for both Chief Justice Earl Warren and professional shitbag J.
Edgar Hoover ! Was the Kennedy plot hatched in Aeries of the Eagles?
Reflect on what you know.
Alright, it's time for that moment you've all been waiting for: Shriners
The Ancient Arabic Order of Nobles of the Mystic Shrine
The Shrine is an organization that is not officially affiliated with the
Freemasons, yet only 32'nd degree Masons and Knights Templar may join! The
mother of the Masons, the Grand Lodge in England, is not fond of Shriners: it
threatened to expel any English Mason who enters the Shrine. But for
Americans, the Ancient Arabic Order offers a chance to let their hair down
after they have achieved the highest Masonic degree. The Shrine was founded
so that Masons could get drunk. (See Masons )
Unlike European Masons, the American lodges have traditional been "dry". A
group of 13 (!) Masons met in New York City and two of them -Dr. Walter M.
Fleming and the stage comedian Billy Florence- went on to found the Shrine.
The good doctor Fleming devised the rituals, intended as a parody of Islam.
He died in 1913 and left his family penniless, having spent all of his money
to gain Masonic medals and decrees.
To join the Shrine, Masons must "cross the burning sands to drink on camel's
milk." Shriners claim that their tradition dates back to 644 A.D. It is
said to be the Western hemispheric branch of an Arabic vigilante organization
founded by the prophet Mohammed's son-in-law Kalif Alee. Only the cream of
the Masonic crop are allowed to join this fraternal cult!
Inside a Shrine temple initiates will find a tent in a cart, a pedestal which
supports the scimitar and gavel, the Alter of Obligation on which sits the
Bible and the Koran, a one-foot Holy Stone, two crossed swords, the Altar of
Incense, a bier and a coffin.
A Mason interested in joining must pay a large sum of money. Local officers
will see to his instruction in the secret rites. Officers have lofty titles
such as The Most Illustrious grand Potentate, and The Illustrious Grand Chief
Rabban.
The Illustrious Grand High Priest swears in new members who put their hands
on a copy of the Koran (this gets even funnier when you take into account the
fact that Christian preachers are members of the Shrine!) and the initiate
swears a long oath that culminates in a typical Masonic vow of secrecy unto
death. "In Willful violation will I have my eyeballs pierced to the center
with a three-edged blade, my feet flayed, and may I be forced to walk the hot
sands upon the sterile shores of the Red Sea until the flaming sun shall
strike me with a livid plague, and may Allah, the god of the Arab Moslem and
Mohameddan support me. Amen."
Not everyone was happy with a bunch of men who regularly got together to put
on fez hats, look at dancing girls and get totally wrecked. The Shrine was
becoming the target of a lot of (well deserved) bad publicity. Some Masonic
lodges were so embarrassed by their cousins that they considered expelling
any Mason in the Shrine. Shriners met to come up with an appropriate
response. An honest Shriner hit the nail on the head. "You know?" he said.
"I bet if we opened up charitable hospitals for crippled children, people
would think we were legitimate. No one is going to criticize people who give
crippled children hospital beds!"
And that's how the Shrine Hospitals for Crippled Children came about!!!
Several U.S. Presidents have worn the red fez, including Harry "I nuked
Japan!" Truman , and Frankie Roosevelt ... None other than that insipid
bastard Irving Berlin ("God Bless America"), arch-conservative Barry
Goldwater , and Chief Justice Earl Warren were also members of the Shrine.
The Odd Fellows
The Odd Fellows are a society that was founded by working class stiffs who
weren't able to get into the aristocratic halls of English Freemasonry. The
main purpose of "poor man's Masontry" was to provide disaster relief to
members of the lodge.
The American Odd Fellows formally split with their English fathers after the
English gave permission for an African Odd Fellows lodge.
There are four degrees of Odd Fellowship: Initiatory, Friendship, Love and
Truth. The first three are explained in parables from the Bible: David, the
Good Samaritan, etc. Truth conveys knowledge of the Odd symbols(and there
are many!): the all-seeing eye, three links, skull and crossbones, the
scythe, bow and arrow, quiver, bundle of sticks, the axe, the heart and hand,
the globe, the ark, the serpent, the scales, the sword, the hourglass and the
coffin.
Under pressure to compete with the 32 degrees of Masonry, the Odd Fellows
began awarding honorary degrees in 1885: the Patriarchal, the Golden Rule and
the Royal Purple, and the highest honor -the Grand Decoration of Chivalry
(equivalent to the honorary Masonic 33'rd degree). The Odd Fellows parade
units are called Patriarchs Militant.
The Odd Fellows are too humble to be involved in conspiracy.
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