-Caveat Lector- from: http://www.zolatimes.com/V2.43/pageone.html <A HREF="http://www.zolatimes.com/V2.43/pageone.html">Laissez Faire City Times - Volume 2 Issue 43</A> The Laissez Faire City Times December 21, 1998 - Volume 2, Issue 43 Editor & Chief: Emile Zola ----- The Cunnilingual Bomber Returns by Zola The Cunnilingual Bomber returned this past week from his failed peace trip to the Middle East and launched $300,000,000 worth of Tomahawk cruise missiles to damage Iraq prior to the historical vote in the House of Representatives, but he got his fat ass impeached anyway, for lying and obstruction of justice (Articles 1 and 3). Back in August, a local D.C. tabloid, The Washington Post, published information that the Clinton administration had been interfering with surprise inspections of Saddam Hussein's alleged weapons of mass destruction. After all, the political timing has to be right for the UN to discover anything out of order. Because for Clinton, Saddam Hussein is a bogey man to be paraded forth whenever circuses are needed to distract public attention from White House criminality. So it is no surprise that Clinton ordered up the current war on Sunday, Dec. 13, while he and Hillary were off in Jerusalem bringing peace to the world, and issued secret orders to the U.S. military to proceed with the 72-hour build-up that would bring us to the eve of the impeachment debate. Two days later, in a well-coordinated move, Richard Butler, the current chief UN weapons inspector issued just the report Clinton needed to righteously initiate bombing "for the good of the country" and the glory of the UN. "What we have here is a cynical political strategy," Clinton spokesman Joe Lockhart said, speaking of presidential resignation, but the words were an unwittingly apt summary of all that was going on. "How many coincidences can there be before you say it's not coincidence?" one senator wanted to know. To answer that, one only has to inquire of the Coincidence Theorists in the media and among the Clinton cult. Their view of the world is bi-modal: if some information is damaging to the Clinton administration, it's labeled Conspiracy Theory; but if something represents a plot to get Clinton's ass out of trouble, it's "Coincidence." Nevertheless, "Operation Desert Fox" was quickly retitled "The War of Monica's Dress." The Russian Duma, heretofore a chaotic free-for-all of in-fighting, quickly united behind the idea of appealing to Monica as a matter of foreign policy. After all, they calculated, it was better that Clinton spray his tiny Tomahawks on Monica's blue dress than those bigger, more costly Tomahawks, each with 1000 pounds of explosives, on Iraq. But, alas, Monica had already turned down that UN job. Secretary of State Albright explained the timing this way: It is necessary to begin bombing right away before Ramadan begins. What? Well, you see, Clinton, who is legendary for his quick-study ability, had made a comprehensive survey of the Islamic faith and determined that its adherents don't mind being bombed, unless you do it on Ramadan. After all, bombing attacks usually come at night, and during Ramadan-- after one has fasted and likely slept from sun up to sundown--one wakes up for the night's activity of eating, drinking, and making merry. Clinton understands this principle well: It's okay to bomb the children, but don't mess with the party. But, wait . . . Ramadan began after sundown on Saturday night, Dec. 19, and the bombs were still falling. The U.S. State Department undoubtedly has some convoluted explanation for this. Like: the "Have a happy Ramadan!" fliers that are normally inserted inside all Tomahawk cruise missiles were missing due to faulty fabrication, so we have to initiate bombing all over again. Some newspapers misspelled Ramadan as "Rahmadan," in the apparent belief that the war had been cooked up by ex-White House advisor Rahm Emanuel. Defense Secretary William Cohen, however, put a 30-year career of accepting defense kickbacks on the line, and declared: "We are convinced. We have absolutely no doubt this is the right decision." After his impeachment, Clinton appeared for a news conference at the White House surrounded by 101 Dalmatians for immoral support. This was a straight- forward continuation of his "wag the dog" policy. That policy had failed to prevent impeachment, but--who knows?--it may well prevent conviction in the Senate. After all, when Clinton bombed an aspirin factory in the Sudan, coincident with the testimony of Monica Lewinsky, the Clinton opposition reacted according to their Pavlovian conditioning, saluted the flag, and said they supported this bombing by Our President, even if the President was Our Scumbag. But on this second occasion, the zombies broke ranks. Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott said, "I can't support this military action in the Persian Gulf at this time. Both the policy and the timing are subject to question." Tillie Fowler (R-Fla) said, "I think the President is shameless in what he will do to stay in office." Former chief U.N. weapons inspector Scott Ritter said that the U.S. had deliberately provoked a crisis to justify the bombing: "What Richard Butler did last week with the inspections was a set-up," he told the New York Post. "This was designed to generate a conflict that would justify a bombing," and added, "you have no choice but to interpret this as `Wag the Dog.' " Even John Hillen, an analyst at the Council on Foreign Relations, said bluntly: "You know this is a `Wag the Dog'. The same conditions that existed yesterday will exist tomorrow, will exist next week. The U.S. still lacks a strategic goal. We still only have a rudimentary military plan. I'm hard pressed to figure out in my mind some strategic calculation that necessitates an attack tonight, tomorr ow, or this weekend." Meanwhile, the Apostle of Love, Clinton, in his first post-impeachment appearance, said: "We must stop the politics of personal destruction." This is same Clinton who, as James McDougal reminded us, passes like a tornado through other people's lives, destroying them left and right. To Clinton, lying, rape, and killing-- practices which he has exercised throughout his sorry life--are not personal destruction. Criticizing Clinton is. When Clinton says "bi-partisan," he means: Do as I say. Now we enter the Winter of Clinton's Discontent. Be prepared for anything, from a ground war in Iraq, to domestic terrorism, to maximum use of those 2000 (not 900) FBI files that Clinton milked for personal information on all his rivals (some of the files were on Democrats). This is the same president who traced his political revival after the 1994 election debacle to the bombing of the Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City. Clinton now calls the Iraq bombing "the right thing for the country." No telling what other bombings he has in mind as the right thing for the country. Just insert "Clinton" for the euphemistic "the country," and you ought to feel the winter chill. Clinton is a moralist, and his beliefs dictate that anyone who transgresses against the cult of Clinton deserves to die. Clinton resign? "Absolutely not," said mouthpiece Lockhart. "People can forget about that," said lackey Al Gore. The Clinton cult has vowed to fight to the death for Clinton and "the Constitution" and the right of Our Crowd to turn America into a socialist state. Can Clinton avoid a trial? "No deal, guys," Lott says. (And we hope he doesn't now issue a clarification, like he did on his Iraq comment.) The trial starts January 6, at 1:00 p.m. Hillary Clinton said that Americans share her "approval and pride" in the way Monica Lewinsky's ex-boyfriend is doing his job. Did someone forget to impeach her also? After all, the Clintons themselves defined their candidacy in 1992 as two-for-one. We understand why Starr doesn't release that sealed indictment on Hillary: he doesn't want Bill to pardon her. But there is such a thing as momentum, and we wonder about giving the Clintons two more years to destroy freedom in the name of the children. Bob Livingston apologized for extra-marital affairs and withdrew as Speaker designate. Hustler's Larry Flint was about to publish information Flint obtained after he offered a reward to anyone who could prove sexual congress with a member of Congress. Livingston is no loss. While we at the City Times don't support politicians, the House could do worse than with someone both intelligent and principled like Chris Cox. But no one expects politicians to be boy scouts. If they did, they would be asking questions like: Who is the father of Danny Williams? Who is the father of Chelsea Clinton? No one cares about John Conyers' 22- year-old pregnant intern. What they do care about is perjury, abuse of power, and obstruction of justice. Meanwhile Bill "stop the politics of personal destruction" and Hillary "commodity speculator" Clinton will be unleashing their personal attack hounds, such as Terry "the Goon" Lenzner, Marsha "Bimbo Patrol" Scott, Bruce "Hit Man" Lindsey, Sidney "Cry Baby" Blumenthal, Nathan "I Kill Cats" Landow, and many, many more like them, over the next few days and weeks. Keep your powder dry and your back to the wall. Clinton may have a Tomahawk headed your way. -30- from The Laissez Faire City Times, Vol 2, No 43, Dec. 21, 1998 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Laissez Faire City Times is a private newspaper. 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