Date: August 15, 2006 4:05:21 PM PDT
Subject: [IPCUSA] -< Finding Your Inner Cheney + Some Fun Stuff >-
[Mess of Pottage News] Birthrights for Sale!
<<<GREAT HUMOR!>>
If Fox News Had Been Around Throughout History:
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Finding Your Inner Cheney
Loving the Cheney Within (Paperback)
Jeremy Hutchins
BUZZFLASH REVIEWS
"We all have a little bit of Dick Cheney in us, and Jeremy Hutchins
wants to help. In this hilariously illustrated, helpfully prescriptive guide
to loving your inner Cheney,
Hutchins shares his revolutionary plan.
First, he helps to diagnose the problem:
* Are you unable to identify and express feelings?
* Have you been won over by the darker forces?
* Are you addicted to secrecy and power?
Then, he offers a comprehensive plan to embrace the Cheney within:
* Instead of going out and blasting away defenseless little creatures,
learn to love the animals, and pet them while you can.
* Small is Beautiful: You don't need to take over the world. Sometimes
the smallest things can be most precious, like a hug or a flower.
* Instead of Planting Information, try Planting a Garden.
* Submit to the Higher Power
(even if you think you are the Higher Power)."
Dick Cheney makes Machiavelli look like Mr. Rogers.
When Cheney's parents called him a "little devil,"
they weren't joking around.
Little did they know...
This is a short, droll book that looks like a personal therapeutic journal,
as if Cheney could ever stop plotting his evil deeds
for a moment to pursue "self-help" therapy.
But one can have a good laugh at the thought of it.
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<<<Some Fun Stuff >>>
Sen. Joseph Lieberman was defeated in Connecticut's Democratic primary,
losing to political newcomer Ned Lamont who appears to be from the
Steve Forbes school of non-blinkiness. But the real story was not
the unblinking, yet gleeful winner but sore Loserman if you will who
seemed blissfully unaware of the reality of the situation." --Jon Stewart
"Come on, George, it wasn't my dad who told you to invade Iraq.
It was your dad". --Jason Kavan, a comedian who impersonates Jesus
The British Petroleum Oil Company -- the ones responsible for us
not getting any more oil from Alaska -- are now being accused of ruining
the environment and putting people at risk just to boost oil profits.
This, of course, makes them eligible for 'Oil Company of the Year.'
-- Jay Leno
Dick Cheney said Wednesday Joe Lieberman's election defeat
in Connecticut last week gave encouragement to terrorists.
The vice president shouldn't be allowed near a microphone.
He is safer with a shotgun in his hands and the sun in his eyes.
-- Comedian Argus Hamilton
"How embarrassing is this: Former White House domestic advisor
Claude Allen has pled guilty to a misdemeanor theft charge
for stealing stuff from Target and then taking it back for a refund.
Guy works in the White House, he would steal stuff from Target
and then bring it back to get the money.
How embarrassing is that?
Republicans shopping at Target." --Jay Leno
The government said it may have to dip into the strategic petroleum reserve.
That oil is only to be released to the public in an emergency.
You know, like at election time. -- Jay Leno
"Yesterday the company BP announced that it's shutting down its Alaska
pipeline after a spill revealed some corrosion. The shutdown means
the cutoff of 8% of our domestic oil supply and another uptick in the prices,
because you know summer was just too awesome. You all remember BP,
they're the cool oil company, their slogan is beyond petroleum because
apparently that can leak. BP even invites their customers to speak to them.
Oh, I have a question. Hey, you know that main pipeline that connects
your product to the U.S. mainland. You ever check that?." --Jon Stewart
"As you know President Bush is currently on vacation in Texas.
He said he's going to try and do absolutely nothing for the next ten days.
His advisors think this is the best way to bring his approval rating up.
Just don't do anything." --Jay Leno
"Yesterday President Bush flew out to his prairie-chapel ranch
in Crawford, Texas, to begin his eleven-day vacation.
It's not really a ranch.
There's no cows or horses.
It's more like an estate. But ranch sounds better.
You know like when you call Iraq a democracy.
It sounds better." --Jay Leno
"And the Senate voted against raising the minimum wage yesterday,
and Wal-mart employees are furious.
They said we never would have come to this country illegally
if we knew we were going to be treated this way." --Jay Leno
"President Bush traveled to his ranch in Texas for a ten-day vacation.
The president said now is the perfect time to take a vacation when
everything in the world is running so smoothly." --Conan O'Brien
Fidel Castro was reported Friday to be recovering from intestinal surgery
in Havana. No one doubts he's a survivor. During Fidel Castro's time
in power he's outsmarted ten presidents, but it's obvious
that it has gotten progressively easier. -- Comedian Argus Hamilton
"You know what is really ironic about this?
Mel Gibson may be the first guy in history to be in more trouble
for talking while drunk then driving while drunk." --Jay Leno
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