-Caveat Lector-
Begin forwarded message:
From: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Date: April 14, 2007 11:14:59 PM PDT
To: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Cc: [EMAIL PROTECTED], [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Subject: How Many NASA Scientists Graduated from Moonie U.?
Say it loud: I'm elite and proud!
Why is the country run by people who celebrate mediocrity and
recruit from Pat Robertson's law school? Because the right-wing
crusade to demonize elites has succeeded.
By Bill Maher
http://www.salon.com/opinion/feature/2007/04/13/pat_robertson/
April 13, 2007 | Say it loud: I'm elite and proud! The right-wing
crusade to demonize elites has paid off. Now the country's run by
incompetents who make mediocrity a job requirement and recruit from
Pat Robertson's law school. New rule: Now that liberals have taken
back the word liberal, they also have to take back the word
"elite." By now you've heard the constant right-wing attacks on the
"elite," or as it's otherwise known, "hating." They've had it up to
their red necks with the "elite media." The "liberal elite." Who
may or may not be part of the "Washington elite." A subset of the
"East Coast elite." Which is influenced by "the Hollywood elite."
So basically, unless you're a shitkicker from Kansas, you're with
the terrorists. If you played a drinking game in which you did a
shot every time Rush Limbaugh attacked someone for being "elite"
you'd almost be as wasted as Rush Limbaugh.
I don't get it: In other fields -- outside of government -- elite
is a good thing, like an elite fighting force. Tiger Woods is an
elite golfer. If I need brain surgery, I'd like an elite doctor.
But in politics, elite is bad -- the elite aren't down-to-earth and
accessible like you and me and President Shit-for-Brains. But when
the anti-elite crowd demonizes the elite, what they're actually
doing is embracing incompetence. Now, I know what you're thinking:
That doesn't sound like our president -- ignoring intelligence.
You know how whenever there's a major Bush administration scandal
it always traces back to some incompetent political hack
appointment and you think to yourself, "Where are they getting
these screw-ups from?" Well, now we know: from Pat Robertson. I
wish I were kidding, but I'm not. Take Monica Goodling, who before
she resigned last week because of the U.S. attorneys scandal, was
the third most powerful official in the Justice Department of the
United States. Thirty-three, and though she had never even worked
as a prosecutor, she was tasked with overseeing the job performance
of all 95 U.S. attorneys. How do you get to be such a top dog at
33? By acing Harvard, or winning scholarship prizes? No, Goodling
did her undergraduate work at Messiah College -- home of the
"Fighting Christies," who wait-listed me, the bastards -- and then
went on to attend Pat Robertson's law school.
I'm not kidding, Pat Robertson, the man who said gay people at
DisneyWorld would cause "earthquakes, tornadoes, and possibly a
meteor," has a law school. It's called Regent. Regent University
School of Law, and it shares a campus with Robertson's Christian
Broadcasting Network studios. It's the first time ever that a TV
network spun off a law school. And that's all America needs -- more
Christians and more lawyers. You see, years ago Pat became
concerned that our legal system was coddling criminals, forgiving
them instead of meting out that Old Testament "eye for an eye"
justice Jesus Christ never shuts up about. So Pat did what any red-
blooded, Hindu-hating, gay-baiting, glue-sniffing Christian would
do: He started his own law school. And what kid wouldn't want to
attend? It's three years and you only have to read one book. The
school says its mission is to create an army of evangelical
lawyers, integrating the Bible and public policy, and producing
graduates that provide "Christian leadership to change the world."
Presumably from round back to flat.
U.S. News and World Report, which does the definitive ranking of
colleges, lists Regent as a tier-four school, which is the lowest
score it gives. It's not a hard school to get into. You have to
renounce Satan and draw a pirate on a matchbook. This is for the
people who couldn't get into the University of Phoenix.
But there's more! As there inevitably is with the Bush
administration. Turns out she's not the only one. Since 2001, 150
graduates of Regent University have been hired by the Bush
administration. And people wonder why things are so screwed up.
Hell, we probably invaded Iraq because one of these clowns read the
map wrong. Forget religion for a second, we're talking about a top
Justice Department official who went to a college founded by a TV
host. Would you send your daughter to Maury Povich University? And
if you did, would you expect her to get a job at the White House?
I'd be surprised if she got a job on the "Maury" show. And then it
hit me: This is why Bush scandals never catch on with the public --
they're all evangelicals of course, and nobody is having sex.
So there you have it: It turns out that the Justice Department is
entirely staffed with Jesus freaks from a televangelist diploma
mill in Virginia Beach. Most of them young women with very little
knowledge of the law, but a very strong sense of doing what they're
told. Like the Manson family, but with cleaner hair. In 200 years
we've gone from "We the people" to "Up with people." From the best
and brightest to dumb and dumber. And, come on, America is a big,
well-known, first-rate country, and when we're looking for people
to help run it, we should aim higher than the girl who answers the
phone at the fake abortion clinic. It's not just that this
president has surrounded himself with a Texas echo chamber of war
criminals and religious fanatics. It's that they're sooooo
mediocre. This is America. We should be getting robbed and fucked
over by the best.
Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse, D-R.I., asked at a hearing, "Should we be
concerned with the experience level of the people who are making
these highly significant decisions?" But in the Bush administration
experience doesn't matter. All that matters is loyalty to Bush and
Jesus, in that order. And where better to find people dumb enough
to believe in George W. Bush than Pat Robertson's law school. The
problem here in America isn't that the country is being run by
elites. It's that it's being run by a bunch of hayseeds. And by the
way, the lawyer Monica Goodling just hired to keep her ass out of
jail went to a real law school.
See what's free at AOL.com.
www.ctrl.org
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