-Caveat Lector-
from:
http://www.geocities.com/Broadway/Alley/9610/belgrade.htm
<A HREF="http://www.geocities.com/Broadway/Alley/9610/belgrade.htm">NATO
Bombs Pizzeria
</A>
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;-)
Om
K
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http://www.geocities.com/Broadway/Alley/9610/
NATO Bombs Pizzeria in Brooklyn
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Washington -- NATO forces today bombed a pizzeria in Brooklyn, New York,
in what many are calling a gross miscalculation and a travesty. The
Defense Department and a NATO spokesperson are calling it a spelling
error that could have easily happened to anyone, even "the Shinese."
"I simply don't understand how bombing my pizzeria in any way helps the
Croats," says Angelo Micheletti, owner of the Bella Grande pizzeria in
Brooklyn. "We even took our 'Serb-special' pizza off the menu about six
months ago. How could they think we have anything to do with Serbia?"
"Smart bombs are accurate about 98% of the time," says Defense Secretary
William Cohen. "But after the prolonged bombing campaign against
Belgrade, they're not so easy to come by. We've had to resort to using
less-than-smart bombs."
Responding to criticisms leveled by the Chinese Ambassador to the United
States Xing Ya Ping that NATO was using "retarded bombs for retarded
people," Cohen replied "they're not retarded and I resent that labeling.
It's insulting and inaccurate. We prefer to call them 'developmentally
challenged' bombs. Given enough time, care and attention, they're just
as capable as any other bombs ... eventually. I think this only
demonstrates China's lack of sensitivity and compassion."
"It's not so much that they missed their targets," Cohen continues.
"Actually they were right on target. It's more that we had bad
intelligence. Our sources indicated that the pizzeria was a legitimate
target in Belgrade. While our intelligence gatherers are very good at
identifying targets, they're not so hot at spelling. Belgrade is a close
spelling of Bella Grande -- the name of the unfortunate pizzeria. I
thought they were kidding when they asked 'does spelling count?' We've
since enrolled the more problem spellers in the 'Hooked on Phonics'
program and have very high hopes for them."
Misspelling of important information has lead to security breaches in
the past. In recent weeks several warships were mistakenly sent to
Siberia, instead of Serbia. In 1989 Defense Department aids accidentally
misspelled Washington and top secret stealth technology was sent to
Warsaw, Poland. More recently, several Defense Department families were
sent on their annual vacation to Dusneylund in Orland Park, Illinois.
"We've just made a fewe mistakes," says Laudy Daniells, director of
personnel with the Department of Defense, in a recent badly-misspelled
press release. "Some spelleng ehrors were made and thengs wure Mrs.
Delivered. Bhut thee impurtent theng is thet were ghetting bhetter ...
our wreckord is emproving. Four thet whee dessirve sum kredit."
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Aloha, He'Ping,
Om, Shalom, Salaam.
Em Hotep, Peace Be,
Omnia Bona Bonis,
All My Relations.
Adieu, Adios, Aloha.
Amen.
Roads End
Kris
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