-Caveat Lector-
At 12:58 PM 8-13-1999 EDT, John wrote:
> Any NewYorker with an ounce of brains should not even consider a
> vote for Hillary until the Vince Foster death is completely solved.
> Not to mention several other questionable practices she and her
> husband have been associated with!
such as:
http://www.villagevoice.com/features/9924/bastone.shtml
VILLAGE VOICE, June 16 - 22, 1999
The Hillary Clinton Cheat Sheet
----------------------------------
A Guide to the Scandals and Issues
That Could Stall Her Senate Run
by william bastone
Every night before her latest hairdo hits the pillow,
Hillary Clinton probably crams a few more facts about
New York into her head. Like an immigrant studying for a
citizenship test, she must prepare for the pop quiz that,
were she to flunk, could hobble her nascent Senate
campaign. You can almost hear Hillary reciting the names of
the Five Towns or practicing a soliloquy on the gustatory
wonder of Buffalo's beef on weck. Closing her eyes, Hillary
may even try to conjure the view from Montauk's bluffs or
the Manhattan skyline from the Brooklyn promenade.
For her, this is the easy part. Blessed with a curious mind
-- and unafraid of the details -- Hillary has a chameleon's
élan. As she hones her Empire State chops, perhaps Hillary,
who has been known to tweak the truth, will claim to have
been present when Bobby Thomson went yard or when the
Beatles played Shea. As for those carpetbagging snipes,
well, to her, residency is what you make of it. For a
pan-American like the First Lady, where you live is more a
state of mind than a matter of where you hang your hat.
But it will not be easy getting crowned Ms. New York.
Because, like most tourists, Hillary carries a ton of
baggage, deficiencies sure to be seized upon by presumptive
Republican opponents like Mayor Rudolph Giuliani or
Representative Rick Lazio (not to mention the frothing
Clinton jihad). In fact, when it comes to Hillary Clinton,
you cannot track the scandals without a scorecard. What
follows is a cheat sheet, as it were, to issues -- both
silly and significant -- that candidate Clinton can expect
to encounter, that her allies will labor to spin into
oblivion, that her enemies will tirelessly exploit.
The toilet bowl rankings each Hillary Scandal is rated on
the potential negative impact on her expected senate
campaign. Here, in descending order of danger, is our
porcelain point system:
(***) = 1 toilet bowl
(***)(***)(***)(***)(***) -- Deep shit
(***)(***)(***)(***) -- Big stink
(***)(***)(***) -- Could clog pipes
(***)(***) -- Slightly smelly
(***) -- Bottom of the bowl
Back To The Cattle Futures
It goes back 20 years, but Hillary's six-figure score
trading cattle futures demands an accounting. In less than
a year, she saw a $1000 investment grow to nearly $100,000,
a mammoth windfall considering she and her husband had a
combined income of about $60,000. While claiming to have
read The Wall Street Journal for investment tips, Hillary
has acknowledged the aid of attorney (and commodities pro)
James Blair in most of her deals. Blair was the chief
attorney for Tyson Foods, one of Arkansas's most powerful
and highly regulated companies. With Blair's guidance,
Hillary began her commodities trading just weeks before her
husband won election as governor in November 1978. When
details of her trading emerged in 1994, critics contended
that the odds of reaping such a profit in the volatile
commodities market were astronomical. But it should be
noted that Alfonse D'Amato, an early Hillary critic, showed
similar investment acumen, once earning $37,125 in one day
by flipping insider stock purchased via an IPO. The Fonz's
deal carried a similar cattlelike odor.
(***)(***)(***)(***)
XXX Xmas Tree
Perhaps Hillary's planned book on entertaining in the White
House will include a chapter on Christmas decorations,
specifically some interesting ornaments found on the Blue
Room tree in 1994. The decorations -- about which Hillary
was surely unaware -- apparently featured drug and sex
themes, including roach clips and three French hens getting
busy. While this stuff might make voters in Utica blanch,
such naughty nicknacks go over big in many downstate
precincts. The story loses porcelain points since it was
first reported in a crappy book penned by ex-FBI agent Gary
Aldrich, an avowed Clinton hater. The tale was also spread
by Craig Shirley, a GOP operative now marshaling troops and
raising money for an assault on Hillary's expected 2000
campaign.
(***)
Channeling Eleanor
Though she has dismissed it as an intellectual exercise,
Hillary can expect to again be derided for what journalist
Bob Woodward first reported as a "seance" with Eleanor
Roosevelt. At the prompting of New Age guru Jean Houston,
Hillary engaged in fantasy chats with Roosevelt and Mahatma
Gandhi, two of the First Lady's heroes. While not on par
with Nancy Reagan's regular consultations with psychics,
the Houston sessions still might unnerve more rational
voters. Makes you wonder with whom Giuliani, if given the
chance, would dream of carrying on a conversation. Fiorello
La Guardia? Thomas Dewey? Donna Hanover?
(***)(***)
Wearing Two Hats
Giuliani has already begun to question Hillary's pinstripe
pedigree, but her flank may actually be more exposed on a
National League matter. A longtime Cubs fan, Hillary was
doubtlessly cheering on that July day 30 summers ago when
Tom Seaver saw his bid for a perfect game ruined with one
out in the ninth inning. Tom Terrific's masterpiece was
spoiled by a flare off the bat of Cubby Jimmy Qualls, a
misanthrope whose name is still cursed in thousands of New
York households.
(***)(***)
Mideast Mishegoss
Any voter for whom a Palestinian state is a key issue will
likely not be receptive to Clinton's candidacy. Still,
Hillary is hardly alone on this matter -- there is growing
support both here and in Israel for a two-state approach to
securing peace. But that does not mean the crew at the New
York Post, led by editorial page pooh-bah John "The
Poddler" Podhoretz, will pass up the chance to mount a
"Let's rile up the Jews" effort. These pathetic gambits
appear every fall, like the leaves turning or the air
getting brisk.
(***)
Harold Ickes, The Faithful Thug
What's not to admire about a guy who has now officially
been investigated more than poverty kingpin Ramon Velez?
And like the South Bronx's sleazy Fat Man, Ickes has, so
far, escaped unscathed. The resurgence of Ickes (after he
was treated to the presidential shiv and hurled overboard)
is, of course, driving the GOP nuts, since the former White
House aide seemed to be the maypole around which most of
the Clinton-gates revolved. While Lani Guinier and other
unrepentant lefties sunk like deck chairs, Ickes resurfaced
once Hillary began to ramp up for the 2000 race. He clings
to grudges, curses up a storm, and practices a brand of
brass-knuckle politics that would make his former Teamster
clients blush -- the perfect temperament for a New York
rumble (you want Nita Lowey watching your back?). In fact,
Ickes, unlike the perfidious George Stephanopoulos, offers
no apologies for administration excesses like the unsavory
campaign fundraising operation. In a matchup already
steeped in Yankees references, Ickes is, as Reggie Jackson
said of himself, the "straw that stirs the drink." And
this, of course, brings to mind what Billy Martin once said
of Reggie and George Steinbrenner -- "one's a born liar,
the other's convicted" -- which also carries some Campaign
2000 parallels.
(***)(***)
Panther Power
It would not be a New York campaign if some Hillary
opponent failed to spotlight her affiliations with radical
causes, specifically during her Yale Law School days. While
that "too liberal for too long" stuff may have been played
out by the D'Amato-Finkelstein team, somebody will have to
dredge up Hillary's 1970 advocacy on behalf of Black
Panther Bobby Seale, then on trial in New Haven for
murdering a suspected snitch. (Seale was acquitted.) Might
work well when Giuliani or Lazio is receiving the
endorsement of some police fraternal organization.
(***)
The Health Care Disaster
Good idea, dreadful execution. Drafted amid the kind of
paranoid secrecy with which Giuliani could relate, the
health care plan was a titantic bust, a Hillary fiasco that
surely contributed to Democratic losses in the 1994 midterm
elections. In her first major legislative undertaking, the
First Lady's stridency and miscues (coupled with Republican
intransigence) derailed what could have been a monumental
achievement.
(***)(***)(***)(***)
The Welfare Deal
While she probably should not be saddled with her husband's
mixed record, Hillary may have to answer for the White
House's cold-blooded welfare reform. Maybe she'll buck the
president on this one as she campaigns for Daniel Patrick
Moynihan's seat, but that will be a bit late. For a former
board member of the Legal Services Corporation and the
Children's Defense Fund, the welfare reform package must
have been repellent.
(***)(***)(***)
Carpetbagging
There is not much of a defense to this one, though New
Yorkers are surely not as provincial as voters in Arkansas
or Mississippi (burghs Jimmy Breslin calls "low IQ
states"). Hillary could move into an old-law tenement on
Thompson Street, shop at Balducci's, and weekend on Coney
Island, but she will never be mistaken for a New Yorker.
But that is probably okay, politically speaking, since it
sometimes feels as though 75 percent of the city itself
comes from somewhere else. Any voter who would use
residency as a litmus test probably has far more serious
problems with the First Lady. Of course, most operatives
who will beef about this (while downplaying the RFK and
James Buckley precedents) have probably been bused in from
other time zones.
(***)(***)
Two's A Crowd
Al D'Amato claimed last year that it would be in the
state's best interest to keep a Republican in the U.S.
Senate since the chamber is controlled by the GOP. And you
know where that argument got The Fonz. Expect to hear how
it will be critical to have a liaison to the Trent Lotts of
the world, a task Hillary could not handle. This is a
nonstarter, as the consultants say.
(***)
Vince Foster's Mysterious Demise
Since nobody -- not even Richard Scaife, the far right's
Mr. Moneybags -- has yet been able to place Hillary in Fort
Marcy Park on the July 1993 afternoon Foster expired, she
appears in the clear on this one. As for the other 56
casualties of the Clinton administration -- the body count
cited on several far-right Web sites -- the First Lady has
yet to be caught with any smoking guns or bloody gloves.
(***)
White House Travel Office Purge
Though she disavowed responsibility for sacking the White
House travel office staff -- holdovers from previous
administrations -- Hillary clearly directed the massacre,
possibly with an eye toward awarding the lucrative business
to a firm co-owned by Clinton family confidant Harry
Thomason, the TV producer. The patronage grab was fiercely
criticized, putting the Clinton forces on the defensive.
They responded by claiming that the travel office personnel
may have been corrupt and decided to sic the FBI on them.
The imbroglio eventually triggered a General Accounting
Office review, during which the First Lady told probers
that she had no role in the firings. These assertions,
though, were later directly contradicted by the testimony
and notes of several White House advisers, proof that
placed Hillary in the middle of the slimy episode. The
evidence gathered by the GAO also highlighted the degree to
which Hillary would try to distance herself from a messy
situation -- in this instance, by lying to federal
officials.
(***)(***)(***)(***)(***)
Stand By Your Man
Sure, her husband's problems have had nothing to do with
his wandering eye and two-term turptitude. If it were not
for those scheming right wingers -- that creep Drudge, that
bitch Tripp, those insane Freepers -- all this would never
have happened, right? While such a healthy reserve of
paranoia is necessary for a New York campaign, Hillary
might try to curb her tendency to blame others for the
creeping rot that has overtaken her mate's presidency. She
has assiduously avoided full disclosure on a host of
matters, preferring instead the shrill stonewall. As the
First Enabler, she has never blinked when called upon to
divert attention from her husband's latest outrage. Perhaps
it was her marital obligation. But she regularly goes above
and beyond the call of this duty.
(***)(***)(***)(***)
Hillary The Hotelier
They may have temporarily taken down the "Vacancy" sign
outside the Lincoln Bedroom, but Hillary will have to
answer for the tawdry nature of the joint White
House-Democratic Party fundraising apparatus, a rogue
operation that she will no doubt benefit from during the
2000 campaign. Riding shotgun on Bill's forays to Hollywood
and East Hampton, Hillary vigorously chased hefty campaign
donations while Justice Department bosses were bottling up
their own probe into the administration's seamy cash grab.
Her campaign white paper on the need for fundraising
reforms should be quite amusing (and perhaps a collector's
item).
(***)(***)(***)(***)
----------------------------------
A Whitewater Primer
The grandpappy of all Clinton Scandals, the original
Arkansas land deal morphed into a hillbilly hydra. When one
line of inquiry died, it seemed as if two others quickly
sprouted. Here are the Hillary highlights:
Friends In Low Places
The Clintons initial transaction in 1978 with Jim and Susan
McDougal -- the four of them borrowed $203,000 -- has been
examined endlessly, and there is still no compelling case
that they engaged in any illegality. They apparently lost
money on the failed land development, a project run into
the ground by Jim McDougal, a manic-depressive who screwed
up every business he came near. But the Clintons lose some
points for their choice of partners.
(***)
Castle Grande
Another Jim McDougal scam, Castle Grande was an intricate
financial fraud disguised as a real estate development.
Designed to bilk money from Madison Guaranty, a savings and
loan McDougal owned, the Castle Grande sham eventually
resulted in criminal convictions for McDougal, former
Arkansas governor Jim Guy Tucker, and David Hale, an
ex-municipal judge (and Ken Starr witness). While neither
of the Clintons invested in this swindle, Hillary had been
retained by McDougal to handle some legal matters relating
to his S&L. In this capacity, she drafted an option
agreement that, federal investigators would later claim,
was used by McDougal to deceive bank examiners. And while a
report from the Resolution Trust Company cleared Hillary of
any wrongdoing in the pillage of Madison Guaranty, this
remains a particulalry tawdry episode since it represents
her connection to the national S&L scandal that cost
taxpayers billions of dollars.
(***)(***)
The Missing Billing Records
The full extent of Hillary's Castle Grande work was not
known until January 1996, when an aide discovered long-lost
billing records sitting on a table in the White House
quarters. Though subpoenaed two years earlier by
investigators, White House lawyers claimed not to be able
to locate the documents, which showed that Hillary spent
about 60 hours working for Madison Guaranty over a 15-month
period in 1985-86. Before the records appeared, she claimed
that her work for McDougal's S&L was "very limited" and
told the RTC that she was not involved in the Castle Grande
project. As for Hillary's claim that she had no idea how
the billing records ended up on a table in the White House
residence, the proper New York response would be: "You
gotta be freakin' kidding me!"
(***)(***)(***)(***)(***)
Ken Starr's Fantasy Indictment
Though they never pulled the trigger, Ken Starr deputies
prepared a draft indictment of Hillary in late 1996, after
the billing records mysteriously surfaced. (Over the
weekend, The New York Times reported that the independent
counsel was contemplating issuing a stern report chastising
the First Lady. Note: Add a toilet if Starr releases the
dirt close to election day.) But this lands in the
close-but-no-cigar file. Heck, it is probably a good bet
that Giuliani is still drawing up these dream cases -- and
he left the U.S. Attorney's office a decade ago. In fact, a
search of Rudy's coat pocket would probably turn up the
fantasy RICO indictment in United States of America v.
David N. Dinkins, Alfred Sharpton, and Edward I. Koch.
(***)(***)
Tell us what you think.
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