-Caveat Lector- Dear Gennifer - http://www.genniferflowers.com "Dear Gennifer" Members, Subject: Hair Color From Hell Dear Gennifer: Recently, I spent an evening at The Algonquin in NYC with two women who have beautiful blonde hair. My hair was grey. I say "was" because, with the encouragement of my friends, I finally decided to color it. First I went blonde. I knew I was in trouble when the colorist fainted. I knew I was in BIG trouble when I looked in the mirror. It looked just like the wig on a Chatty Cathy Doll. My friend, Lucianne Goldberg, who Mirabella magazine calls one of the 25 Smartest Women in its current issue, came to the salon. She was very brave -- she didn't scream. She just got me into a cab so I could go home before my knees buckled. Part II: The next day, I decided...maybe everyone was right. I knew I had to go "red." Well...I did. Unfortunately, it came out a weeeeeeee bit dark; sort of like having a dead monkey on top of my head. So here's the thing: You are very smart and really pretty and know a thing or two about style, fashion, and how to hang in there through adversity. I wonder if you can tell me: 1) Do I have to wear a paper bag over my head for the rest of my life? 2) As the co-host of a Radio Show, do you think the audience knows my hair came out too dark? 3) Do you think it's just something I have to get used to? (Like my thighs in a bathing suit, a slot machine that never pays off, or that miserable Hillary Clinton never giving it a rest and going back into her cave?) I think your advice column is sensational. ...Now if only I can figure out how to get my hair a little bit lighter... Ronni Dear Ronni, To answer your questions, 1) It's possible....I have a favorite paper bag, if you would like to borrow it! 2) Oh Yes!....I believe radio listeners have a sixth sense that allows them to see what we look like while we are on the air. Ugh! 3) Yes. Ronni, my husband and I are thinking about opening a Beauty Salon named the "Blonde Bitch".....surely, we could get your color right?! Good luck, Gennifer Subject : Wake Up America Dear Gennifer..... First of all I am broken hearted that you are married... you are fabulous : ) Briefly, I am Military and been that for 17 years now and I've seen what you said on the AH show of how we look to other people around the world, next... if you can believe this.... We (the military) have received a direct order not to quote or communicate in any way shape or form anything about President Clinton.... I am ashamed to have to salute him as my commander in chief, and then I have to say that I am proud to see that you have the courage and dignity to stand up for what's right and wrong.... everyone keeps sweeping his (the Pres) junk under the carpet time and time again... WHEN WILL THIS COUNTRY WAKE UP??? well.... please take care ...be careful.... and I do salute you... thanks. Fritz Dear Fritz, I SALUTE your integrity! As an individual that has a tremendous respect for the military, I have great empathy for your position. Hang in there Fritz...........a new President and Administration could mean renewed hope and respect! Time will tell. Gennifer Subject : Twin Peaks Dear Gennifer, Hey ... I think you are beautiful! I'll stand up for you any day. I love your ideas and courage. I only wish I had as much inner strength. I have found myself in a rather awkward situation. I am married to a twin. Her sister lives with us also and I have a difficult time telling them apart. There are ways to tell, but after I have a drink or two, it becomes even more difficult. Two days ago, I accidentally seduced my wife's twin sister. Her sister never let me know that she wasn't my wife. But she told my wife the next day what happened and now my wife is threatening to divorce me, and is demanding her twin sister move out. Her sister now hates me because she blames me for breaking up their family. I never meant to create any problem. Things are really heating up around here and if I don't do something quick, I'm afraid I'm gonna lose everything. Please tell me what you would do if you were in my shoes. Nigel Dear Nigel, You definitely have.....DOUBLE TROUBLE!!! The twin you slept with by mistake owes you and your wife (her sister) a huge apology! She is the "snake in the grass" and should be the one to make an immediate EXIT! In the meantime, I suggest you keep off the booze and avoid having "double vision" in the future. Good luck, Gennifer Thank you all again for your continued support! I'm listening for your comments and look forward to hearing from you. My Best, Gennifer ______________________________________________________________________ To unsubscribe, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED] MSN Messenger Service lets you stay in touch instantly with your family & friends - Visit http://messenger.msn.com Bard Federal Government defined: ....a benefit/subsidy protection racket! DECLARATION & DISCLAIMER ========== CTRL is a discussion and informational exchange list. Proselyzting propagandic screeds are not allowed. Substance—not soapboxing! These are sordid matters and 'conspiracy theory', with its many half-truths, misdirections and outright frauds is used politically by different groups with major and minor effects spread throughout the spectrum of time and thought. That being said, CTRL gives no endorsement to the validity of posts, and always suggests to readers; be wary of what you read. CTRL gives no credeence to Holocaust denial and nazi's need not apply. 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