-Caveat Lector- > =================================== > As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for > department areas, we are forced to cut down on our > number of personnel. Under this plan, older employees > will be asked to go on early retirement, thus > permitting the retention of the younger people who > represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase > out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal > year, via retirement, will be placed into effect > immediately. > > This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged > Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given > the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company. > SLAPPED employees can request a review of their > employment records before actual retirement takes > place. This phase of the program is called SCREW > (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). > > All employees who have been SLAPPED or SCREWED may > file an appeal with the upper management. This is > called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following > Termination). Under the terms of the new policy, an > employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, > but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company > deems appropriate. > > If an employee follows the above procedures, he/she > will be entitled to Get HERPES (Half Earnings for > Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP > Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment) unless he/she > already has AIDS (Additional Income From Dependents or > Spouse). As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit > plans, any employee who has received HERPES or CLAP > will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company. > > Management wishes to assure the younger employees who > remain on board that the company will continue its > policy of training employees through our Special High > Intensity Training (SHIT). This company takes pride in > the amount of SHIT our employees receive. We have > given our employees more SHIT than any company in > this area. If any employee feels they do not receive > enough SHIT on the job, see your immediate supervisor. > > YOUR SUPERVISOR IS SPECIALLY TRAINED TO MAKE > SURE YOU RECEIVE ALL THE SHIT YOU CAN STAND. DECLARATION & DISCLAIMER ========== CTRL is a discussion and informational exchange list. Proselyzting propagandic screeds are not allowed. Substance—not soapboxing! These are sordid matters and 'conspiracy theory', with its many half-truths, misdirections and outright frauds is used politically by different groups with major and minor effects spread throughout the spectrum of time and thought. That being said, CTRL gives no endorsement to the validity of posts, and always suggests to readers; be wary of what you read. CTRL gives no credeence to Holocaust denial and nazi's need not apply. Let us please be civil and as always, Caveat Lector. ======================================================================== Archives Available at: http://home.ease.lsoft.com/archives/CTRL.html http:[EMAIL PROTECTED]/ ======================================================================== To subscribe to Conspiracy Theory Research List[CTRL] send email: SUBSCRIBE CTRL [to:] [EMAIL PROTECTED] To UNsubscribe to Conspiracy Theory Research List[CTRL] send email: SIGNOFF CTRL [to:] [EMAIL PROTECTED] Om
