-Caveat Lector-
Well, lets see if you got any potential.
How many of these 47 rules can you actually/HONESTLY cop to
knowing how they are WRONG!
I, personally, have NO IDEA of how 3-5 of them are demonstrably
in error (and, I say 3-5 because I have a SLIGHT guess, but I
certainly wouldn't bet the farm on the ones in question).
Good luck, and DO REPORT YOUR RESULTS, please:)
--begin forward--
All English Rules For Perfect Grammar WRONGLY DEMONSTRATED.
This essay was in fact written by a high school student named
Hugh O'Neil Gallagher, who entered it into the 1990 Scholastic
Art & Writing Awards competition (which it won!) It was first
published in 1990 in Literary Calvalcade, a magazine of
contemporary student writing (and later reprinted in Harper's,
The Guardian Chicken Soup for the College Soul, "Futures"
magazine (distributed by the Office of the Secretary of Defense -
Spring '99), and a CD called "First Words" ...not to mention its
longevity on the net!
He did include it in several college applications, but whether
or not it was responsible for getting him admitted to NYU is
debatable, but he did, in fact, graduate from NYU in '94 and
publish his first novel, "Teeth", '98. (For more info, see
<http://graceweb.org/links/gallagher> )
~~~ These are what *I* use!!! ~~~
47 RULES FOR WRITERS:
1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually)
unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary;
it's highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical
words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. DO NOT use exclamation points and all caps to emphasize!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth
earth shaking ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when
its not needed.
27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate
quotations. Tell me what you know."
28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times:
Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it
correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
34. The passive voice should never be used.
36. Do not put statements in the negative form.
37. Verbs have to agree with their subjects.
38. A writer must not shift your point of view.
39. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long
sentences of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
40. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
41. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a
linking verb is.
42. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
43. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
44. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with
singular nouns in their writing.
45. Always pick on the correct idiom.
46. The adverb always follows the verb.
47. Be careful to use the rite homonym.
And Finally...
47. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
=================================================================
Kadosh, Kadosh, Kadosh, YHVH, TZEVAOT
FROM THE DESK OF: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
*Mike Spitzer* <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
~~~~~~~~ <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
The Best Way To Destroy Enemies Is To Change Them To Friends
Shalom, A Salaam Aleikum, and to all, A Good Day.
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