-Caveat Lector- -------- Original Message -------- Subject: STRAIGHT PANIC Date: Tue, 2 Nov 1999 17:49:41 -0600 (CST) From: John Aravosis <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> Organization: ? To: undisclosed-recipients:; GAY PANIC VS. STRAIGHT PANIC Reading the news the last few days about the ‘gay panic’ defense in the Shepard case got me thinking. If straight people can argue that it’s ok to kill gays just because they’re gay, should gay people be allowed to invoke a ‘straight panic’ defense in order to justify killing straight people? In order to envision such a world, I wrote the following fictional news story. It’s a tongue-in-cheek parody that I think gets the point across. Hope no one is offended by my trying to use a little humor to prove a point. November 1, 1999 Straight Panic Defense Plead in Hair-Spray Murder WEST HOLLYWOOD - On the fifth day of the high-profile Six-Pack murder trial, openly gay defendant Robert McKinney surprised the court room by invoking a risky defense know as "straight panic." "It was eleven o'clock when I saw him across the bar," McKinney said of the victim in testimony today. "He was drinking a Bud, his belt and shoes didn't match, and he had really bad hair. It was sickening." McKinney is charged with the June 3, 1999 hair-spraying death of Joseph A. Six-Pack, Jr., 33. Six-Pack was leaving Champion's Sport Bar in downtown Los Angeles when McKinney reportedly accosted him with a bottle of Aussie Sprunch Spray, mega-hold. According to witnesses, the victim succumbed almost immediately. "Something just snapped," McKinney told the court. "Six-Pack was in the corner, belching and calling everybody 'dude'. I felt totally humiliated." Invoking the straight-panic defense, attorneys for the defendant argued that McKinney erupted "savagely" not because he was some sort of hetero-phobe who had never crossed paths with a straight guy, but because of his own painful heterosexual experiences. At the age of 7, McKinney was forced to play Little League and touch- football, defense attorney John Tarrington announced. "Robert will tell you this embarrassed him. He did carry it with him." In an unexpected boost to the defense, witnesses say the victim made physical advances towards others in the bar prior to the altercation with McKinney, suggesting a pattern of sexual misconduct. "I spoke with Joe [Six-Pack] about an hour before he died," said Tom Murphy, an acquaintance of the victim. "He told a really bad joke and then tried to high-five me," Murphy said. "I told him I wasn't that kind of guy." Adding to the drama, a handful of self-described "family values" protesters picketed outside the courthouse today holding "God Hates Hets" signs. "Those people deserve to burn in hell - they're a danger to our children," the Rev. Fred Welps warned. "Ever notice how many straight people have straight kids?", he asked. "You do the math." In closing, attorney Tarrington said McKinney only intended to fix Six-Pack's hair. The lawyer repeated over and over again through his 30-minute statement that McKinney told police, "I was just trying to help. I didn't want to kill him." Six-Pack was found dead on the scene. The coroner reported that his hair was flawless. ************************************************************** JOIN "THE LIST"!!! 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Please visit some of our Web sites: * Matthew Shepard Online Resources - http://www.wiredstrategies.com/shepard.html * AOL Anti-Gay & Anti-Jewish Member Profiles - http://www.wiredstrategies.com/profile.htm * Nazi Anti-Jewish Speech vs. Religious Right Anti-Gay Speech - http://www.wiredstrategies.com/hitler.html * Mugged by AOL - A Gay Man Loses His Good Name to the World's Largest Internet Provider - http://www.wiredstrategies.com/mugged.html * AOL Punishes Gay Man Seeking Safe Sex Info - http://www.wiredstrategies.com/aids.html * Timothy McVeigh AOL Privacy Case - http://www.wiredstrategies.com/mcveigh.htm * Merriam-Webster/AOL Anti-gay Thesaurus - http://www.wiredstrategies.com/thesaurus.html * Ex-Gays Implode - http://www.wiredstrategies.com/exgay.htm * Gay Pride Rome 1999 - http://www.wiredstrategies.com/pride.htm * Sandals Resorts & Anti-gay Sweepstakes - http://www.wiredstrategies.com/resort.html "In Germany, the Nazis first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. 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