What at total hoot! Thanks for this. Makes me think some
conspiracies are hereditary and not learned. Jacob and Ishmael in the
Old Testament come to mind.
ALBUQUERQUE, NM--Investigators are trying to determine what
led
an unborn child to fatally shoot his twin with a
.38-caliber
revolver during an altercation in their shared Albuquerque
womb
Monday.
According to police, the twins' mother, Evelyn Alpert,
34, was
awakened at 4 a.m. by the sensation of a scuffle in her
uterus,
which she dismissed as "routine kicking." Approximately
30
minutes later, Alpert heard and felt three pistol shots.
A
subsequent forensic ultrasound revealed that the unborn
gunman--identified
as a five-inch-tall male Caucasian of slight
build with no eyes or
hair--shot his brother twice in what
eventually would have become his
heart.
After a tense four-hour standoff, the unborn gunman threw out
his
weapon when police threatened to induce labor. Police
spokesmen
have denied that the use of tear gas or forced C-section was
ever
considered. Alpert was unharmed in the shooting, with two of
the
bullets lodging themselves in the victim and the third
passing
harmlessly through the birth canal.
The shooter has yet to
emerge from the crime scene, but a
court-appointed lawyer has said that the
fetus will surrender
himself peacefully upon his post-partum separation
from Alpert
sometime in early October.
"This whole tragic chain of
events is hard to comprehend,"
Albuquerque mayor Jim Baca said.
"Where did we as a community
fail these unborn boys? Could their
parents have done a better
job of conceiving, carrying, and pre-natally
educating them?
And how did the fetus get access to
firearms?"
Police officials say the shooter used a revolver registered
to
his father, Lee Alpert, who may have left the firearm within
reach of
his wife's womb. No charges have been filed against the
man at press
time.
According to Albuquerque D.A. Eugene Billups, though
the
assailant is legally recognized as a fetus, he will be tried as
an
infant. Pretrial hearings begin next week, and ultrasound
technicians
will not be allowed in the courtroom.
"This is hard to take," Billups
told reporters. "These kids were
no more than
babies."
Offering the Alpert family "my deepest sympathy and support
in
this difficult time," President Clinton said he is redoubling
his
efforts to pass tougher obstetric gun-control legislation.
"Last
year, I called upon Congress to require trigger locks on
handguns and place
metal detectors at the entrance of every
womb," Clinton said at a White
House press conference. "Such
laws may well have saved the life of
that unborn child. I now
ask Congress to do the right thing and pass
that legislation, as
well as a measure extending the waiting period for
firearms
beyond nine months. We must keep handguns out of the
unformed
hands of our nation's fetuses."
The fetus, following the
advice of his attorney, has offered no
comment on the
shooting.
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