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The Michael Moore -- i.e., TV Nation, Roger And Me, etc -- not the
WTO/IMF Michael Moore. His very-infrequent newsletter...:
----- Forwarded Message -----
Date: Thu, 20 Dec 2001 16:54:16 -0500
Subject: [Mike's Message] Hail George, Conqueror of Evildoers!
12/20/01
Hail George, Conqueror of
Evildoers!
Dear George W. Bush:
Hats off to you, sir, for a
job well done! The Soviets tried for ten years to do what it took you only two
months to accomplish in Afghanistan. How did you do that? It's funny how a
couple months ago there were all these Taliban, and now -- there aren't any! You
must be some kind of super magician -- almost as good at disappearing acts as
ol' Osama (or, as they say on the Fox Nuisance Channel, "Usama" -- I like their
spelling better, like "We put the 'USA' in USAma!"). He did exist, didn't he? I
would hate to have gotten myself all worked up over the wrong evildoer! I loved
that last tape of his, the home video of his sleepover with that sheik. What a
party animal, that guy!
And how 'bout that Northern Alliance! Thanks to
them, my weekly supply of heroin will finally be reinstated. Whoo-hoo -- and
just in time for New Year's Rockin' Eve! Those Taliban simply did NOT have the
best delivery system for the stuff, kinda like why you never see Beaman's gum
anymore -- poor distribution and shelf placement. According to the New York
Times, the Northern Alliance has put all the poppy farmers back to work, and
they are promising a "bumper crop" by spring.
But Mr. Bush, I am most
impressed with how you have used those who died on September 11th to justify
your lining the pockets of your rich friends and campaign contributors. Your
"Economic Stimulus Bill" -- pure genius! You actually got the House of
Representatives to pass a bill eliminating the law that said corporations have
to pay at least a token minimum tax every year.
See, most people forget that
back in your daddy's day (when he was VP) thousands of companies were able to
lawyer their way out of paying any taxes at all! Then a law was passed to stop
that. Now you got the House to agree to give all these corporations back ALL the
minimum taxes they have paid since 1986!! That's $140 billion of givebacks ($1.4
billion to IBM, a billion to Ford, $800 million to GM, etc.). And you got this
passed, all under the guise of "September 11th!" How do you get away with this
without the American public whoopin' your behind? Man, you are THE
MAN!
Hey, and tell your top sheriff, Big John Ashcroft, that his refusal
to let the FBI look at the files of gun background checks that the Justice
Department keeps -- to see if any of the terrorists or suspected terrorists have
purchased weapons in the past two years -- took some balls! Even though checking
those files might turn up information that could protect us in possible future
attacks, Ashcroft was more concerned with not upsetting the NRA than in helping
his own FBI catch the bad guys. Now that's what I call getting your priorities
straight. Big John may have lost his Senate seat last year to a dead guy, but he
sure as heck ain't gonna lose me as a huge admirer!
Well, I better go
before someone from the Office of Homeland Security mistakes me for someone who
needs to be "interviewed!" Rest assured I'm doing my part for the country by
shopping my sorry ass off in this week before Christmas. Buy! Buy! Buy! Tora!
Tora! Tora! Bora! Whoo-hoo, Prince O' Peace!! Fight Team Fight! Go get 'em,
George, Jr. -- we're counting on you to kill all
evildoers!
Yours,
Michael Moore
Third in Line to the King of
Afghanistan
www.michaelmoore.com
[EMAIL PROTECTED]
P.S. You'll
beat that Enron rap, just like you beat your other raps! Chin up!
Who needs
"energy traders" anyway? I never saw that job on the list from my high school
counselor!!
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