-Caveat Lector-
------- Forwarded message follows -------
Date sent: Thu, 03 Jan 2002 23:49:43 -0500 (EST)
From: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Subject: SNET: "The Envelope Please.....And The Winner
Is....."
Finally, the new Darwin Awards for 2001 are here!!!
1. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk
cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed
gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and
he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and
fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.
2. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low
altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to
moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own
aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their
pants around their ankles.
3. A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car on a highway
near Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her passenger
and killing herself. As a commonplace road accident, this would not have
qualified for a Darwin nomination, were it not for the fact that the
driver's attention had been distracted by her Tamagotchi key ring, which
had started urgently beeping for food as she drove along. In an attempt
to press the correct buttons to save the Tamagotchi's life, the woman
lost her own.
4. A 22-year-old Reston, VA man was found dead after he tried to use
octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax
county police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of
these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other
end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement.
Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia
was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that
he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and
the ground," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was
"major trauma".
5. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he
and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a
ball. The friend - no doubt, a future Darwin Awards candidate - was
hospitalized.
6. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the
smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building,
extinguishing all potential sources of ignition lights, power, etc.
After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas
company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had
difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the
lights worked (you can see what's coming, can't you....?). Witnesses
later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his
pocket and retrieving an object, that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon
operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded,
sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the
technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion.
The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of
as 'bright' by his peers.
Runner-up category:
7. A Jacksonville, Florida woman recently had to summon emergency
help after dragging her husband down the street behind their pickup
truck. Chief Petty Officer Roman Styles, U.S. Coast Guard Station
Jacksonville, was treated and released with a slight concussion and
scrapes and bruises. It seems that Styles decided to repair damaged
shingles on his house himself, instead of paying a contractor to do it
for him. Prior to climbing up on his steep roof, Officer Styles tied a
safety rope to the trailer hitch of his truck. Once on the peak of his
roof he secured the other end of the line around his waist. He then slid
over the top of the roof to repair the shingles. As luck would have it,
right after he started to work, his teenage son called for a ride home
from a Boy Scout trip. Jane Styles yelled to her husband she'd be right
back and pulled away. "I didn't see the rope," Mrs. Styles said, "until I
saw it in the rear-view mirror. By then I was half-way down the street."
Bill Schlimm, a next door neighbor, said, "I'll never forget the look on
Roman's face as he came sailing over the peak of that house. If it hadn't
been for that tall cedar tree he would have been really hurt."
8. This would-be shoplifter in London attempted to steal two
lobsters. This ingenious felon stuffed the lobsters into his trousers and
headed for the door of the supermarket. Near the exit, our larcenous
Londoner doubled over in excruciating pain and lay on the floor
screaming. It seems that the lobster's claws were not tied and one of the
tasty crustaceans decided to have the thief's family jewels for lunch.
The paramedics were called in to remove the carnivorous crustacean from
the very sensitive portio of this thief's anatomy. After they stopped
laughing, a pair of pliers successfully accomplished the removal much to
the relief of our suffering suspect. No information was available on the
extent of the member's injuries or his future fatherhood potential.
From: Charles Riggs <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
------- End of forwarded message -------
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