-Caveat Lector-

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/ideas_opinions/story/42141p-39766c.html


New York Daily News - http://www.nydailynews.com

Republicans can lie,
Dems can't. Why?

Tuesday, December 10th, 2002

I'm in Bill Clinton's head as he reads the morning papers. I arrive just as Clinton 
turns to
the story saying that Elliott Abrams has been named the Bush administration's Middle 
East
honcho. A blast of white heat engulfs me.

"Can you believe that?" I hear him say. "Elliott Abrams. The same guy who twice lied to
Congress. He pleaded guilty to withholding information from a Senate committee and then
a House committee. The only reason he wasn't strung up for perjury is that he wasn't
under oath - a distinction without much of a difference.

"This guy could have taught me some lessons. He was asked if the Reagan administration
had solicited a $10 million loan from the sultan of Brunei for the Nicaraguan Contras. 
He
said the report was 'false.' Later, he said the answer was technically correct because 
the
money hadn't yet arrived. It's all a matter of tense - a case of what you mean by 'is.'

"The second lie was even more of a jaw-dropper. He denied that the Reagan 
administration
was helping the Contras. I just looked up what he said. 'It's not our supply system.' 
But it
was their supply system. And Congress had passed a law forbidding aid to the Contras. 
He
broke the law. He lied about it. He got convicted, and then he got a presidential 
pardon
from Pappa Bush.

"I don't get it. I lied about sex, which, of course, wasn't really sex anyway, and I 
got
impeached for it. All these Republicans were jumping up and down, saying my case wasn't
really about sex, but about the rule of law. No man can be above the law. Yeah, right! 
But
no man tells the truth about sex, either.

"You know what Abrams said later, in his book? He was the victim of an overzealous
prosecutor. What does he know about an overzealous prosecutor? Keyhole Ken Starr took a
bogus sexual harassment charge by Paula Jones and turned it into a capital crime. 
Abrams
was prosecuted by one of Santa's elves.

"This really frazzles me. Where's Henry Hyde bellowing about how the government can't
function if officials don't tell the truth? 'Truth-telling is the heart and soul of 
our justice
system,' he told the House when they were trying to lynch me. Well, what about truth-
telling when it comes to Abrams?

"And what about Tom DeLay, that sanctimonious hypocrite? He and Hyde are in Congress,
the very body that Abrams lied to. Not a peep, though. So it isn't just about truth. 
It's about
ideology and politics. These guys will get on the radio with Oliver North or Gordon 
Liddy, but
they only care about truth, honesty and the American way when a Democrat's involved.
Republicans can lie, but Democrats can't.

"I guess it's a rule, but I don't like it.

"I know what they're gonna say: that I lied to protect myself. It was selfish. Abrams 
lied to
protect a secret policy. That was noble. But you can't allow government officials to 
decide
for themselves when to lie and when to tell the truth. They all gotta tell the truth, 
especially
to Congress.

"Bush ran on this platform of moral purity. Then he turns around as President and 
chooses
liars for high government positions, and no one says a peep. I'm waitin' on those
hyperventilating hypocrites on talk TV to say something. The country's about to go to 
war
on little more than the President's word. Maybe he won't lie. But he's hired people who
have.

"I should have been born a Republican. It's even better than being in love. You never, 
ever,
have to say you're sorry."

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