Once upon a time there was a girl named Goldilocks.
Being young and full of jingoism, she joined the Cadet Force
and later the Army and became a nurse, serving with
distinction in the Falkland Islands.
During her time in the cadets she had become a keen shooter,
and upon leaving the Army in the mid-80s, joined a gun
club, obtained a firearm certificate and bought herself
an SLR like the one she had used in the Army.
Never had she engaged in any sort of activity likely to
worry the police or anyone else, but after a madman went
on a rampage in Hungerford, she was directed to hand her
SLR in at the local police station where she could claim
a derisory 150 pounds in compensation for a rifle that
had cost her 500.
"Why is my gun being banned?" she asked her MP.
"Because they are too dangerous as they can fire too many
bullets" he said.
"Oh" she replied, wondering how it was she was safe enough
to handle an SLR in the Army but not now.
Being downhearted at the loss of her sport but still determined
to carry on, she took up pistol shooting, buying herself a
Browning Hi-Power. She spent many hours at the range and
became a very good shot, winning competitions at Bisley
and elsewhere.
In 1993 her uncle called to tell her some bad news - he
was a clay pigeon shooter, and had on his shotgun certificate
a shotgun that was disguised as a walking stick. It was
a family heirloom he had planned to give her in his will,
but it had been banned so he had to turn it in to the police.
Remembering the poor compensation she had received in 1989,
she advised her uncle to export the gun.
A few more years past and she continued her career as a nurse,
starting a family with a new husband who was also a keen shooter.
One night they turned on the TV, and to their horror there
was a story about another madman who had shot a classroom full
of children in Scotland. A few months later the Government
announced it was going to ban pistol shooting, although
her and her husband had never done anything wrong, and
despite a public inquiry recommending against a ban.
Once again she went to see her MP, this time with her
husband.
"Why is our sport being banned?" they asked.
"Oh well, you know, it's this Dunblane business" he said,
"and the Government is worried about handguns falling into
the hands of criminals, they prefer guns that are small
and concealable, you know."
Goldilocks and her husband protested by going on marches
in London and by writing to everyone they could who might
help, but still they were forced to hand in their guns at
the local police headquarters a year later.
By this point Goldilocks was growing increasingly
disillusioned, and decided to spend her time trying to raise
her children better, as there was a funding shortfall at the
local school. She started to walk them home from school as
well, as there was not enough money to put enough police
officers on the beat to keep them safe.
One day her husband came home from the range with a flyer.
He had taken up rifle shooting now that pistol shooting had
been banned.
"It says the Government is thinking of banning .50 calibre
rifles. Apparently criminals prefer them because they're
large and deadly, according to the Association of Chief Police
Officers."
Goldilocks sighed.
"Well, we've got other things to worry about, I've just caught
your daughter with a bag of heroin that she got at school."
Goldilocks sat down with a large glass of gin and tonic,
wondering why she had ever bothered to sign up to defend a
country that was obviously not worth defending.
Steve.
Cybershooters website: http://www.cybershooters.org
List admin: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
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