And then the locusts descend. And they feed. Because the ants
and the grasshoppers never could get their shit together.
MacN
On Mon, 13 Nov 2000, Tim May wrote:
>
>
>
> The Ant and the Grasshopper, Election Version
>
>
> Original
>
> The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
> his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper
> thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
> Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no
> food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
>
>
> Da Hoppers in Da 'Hood
>
> The ants work hard to make their businesses prosperous, their farms
> productive. They save and invest and educate their children. The
> grasshoppers party all summer, hangin' out with the homeys, struttin'
> on the beaches, and figurin' that Massah Bill Clintonhopper in the
> Big White Plantation House will keep on sending dat federal welfare
> money to Florida to keep the crack pipes full.
>
> To a Grasshopper-American, it's all obvious: Why work when government
> is there? Why save when Hillary is promising to raise taxes on the
> ants? Hard work is for suckers, or, as they say, suckas. Besides,
> Albert Gorehopper invented the Internet. Ironically, the hard-working
> ants make use of the Internet, but the crack-smoking hopheads say
> that "books are for whitey." Better yet, to the grasshoppers, the top
> Demohoppers have made it their top campaign pledge to take away the
> guns of the ants. (The Hopper Bloods and Crips get a good laugh out
> of this one, as they know the hopper gangbangers will still have
> their Uzis and AKs.)
>
> Winter arrives, and the Demohoppers have made their final promises to
> the crack-dealing, Bingo-playing, welfare-taking grasshoppers of
> Florida. The ants are wary, fearing what the grasshoppers will do in
> the name of "democratic fairness."
>
> The ants appear to have won the vote, but the Demohoppers in Palm
> Beach County claim that some butterflies confused them and that they
> want a "do over." Hopper Jesse Jackson, who once called New York City
> "Hymietown," has made a new alliance with the "Judenhoppers" of
> affluent Palm Beach. He calls in Al Sharpton, Alan Dershowitz, and
> Tawana Brawley to help his Hopper Crusade. He threatens a war between
> the ants and the grasshoppers unless the hoppers get as many chances
> to vote and re-vote and fiddle with the ballots as they need to let
> Albert Gorehopper win.
>
> The grasshopper strategy is to take the counties which were most
> heavily infested with grasshoppers and then do a "manual count" to
> find more votes which the neutral machines had rejected because they
> were incorrectly punched, or double punched, or had chads hanging.
> The grasshoppers have been told that, from basic statistics, this
> biased re-counting will ensure that Albert Gorehopper gets enough
> extra votes to win.
>
> The ants say that this is a theft of the election and that the
> grasshoppers just want more handouts from the hopheads in Hopperton,
> D.C., and, besides, if the grasshoppers had bothered to learn how to
> read and weren't smoking so much crack they'd've had no problems with
> butterflies.
>
> The Chief Grasshopper sends his team of lawyerlocusts, close
> relatives of grasshoppers, into Florida. The ants try to block a
> recount in hopper havens like Broward, Palm, and Volushia. The
> Grasshopper-Americans scream dat dis be racist!
>
> The promised war begins and the ants kill all the grasshoppers. No
> longer will the grasshoppers use the "democratic process" to take the
> food the ants had worked so hard for. Life is once again good.
>
>
>
>
> [Note: I wrote everything here except the "Original." I mention this
> because it is routine for people to pass around various versions of
> the "Ant and the Grasshopper" without indicating who wrote which
> parts. So, Tim May wrote all but the opening set-up paragraph. Tim
> May, 11-13-2000]
>
>
>
>
>
>
> --
> ---------:---------:---------:---------:---------:---------:---------:----
> Timothy C. May | Crypto Anarchy: encryption, digital money,
> ComSec 3DES: 831-728-0152 | anonymous networks, digital pseudonyms, zero
> W.A.S.T.E.: Corralitos, CA | knowledge, reputations, information markets,
> "Cyphernomicon" | black markets, collapse of governments.
>
>
