- there may be online support groups if there is not one in your area - it can be very disappointing that pre-cult problems were not resolved during the cult membership, due to the illusion of health - ex-cult-members may have not psychologically, personally, or culturally aged during their time. they may have nothing to talk about other than the cult experience - have to catch up on _everything_, may feel urgent around catching up on lost time
- _take_ time to heal, grow, and develop. discover or create your own path for your own needs - some people adjust to the outer world quickly, some people need a very long time similarly, some cults are far more intense than other cults - former members need to learn how to trust themselves again: become their own best friend and best therapist; to realise they didn't choose to be lied to or abused. eventually they learn it's okay to begin trusting others, as they find their own instincts and inherent wisdom work. they need to realise not all groups are harmful or deceptive, that one has choice around leaving and questioning things as much as one wants. - an important aspect of growth is getting in touch with one's emotions and effectively channeling them - emotions in general may remain suppressed when first leaving, but may arise when adjusting to the outside world. this is good. he focuses on shame, embarrassment, anger, indignation. i imagine any natural emotions count here. emotions are kinda touchy. one can have very fake emotions, and learn to express them in exit situations. one can learn to trick one's own perceptions with fake emotions. i mean personal experience here, not accusation of others. - an ex-member, after rediscovering emotions, may begin to research the cult to answer all their questions. this is also good. - number one priority is often rescuing friends from within - major regret is usually losing contact with people they care for within. this becomes more difficult when they are treated as an ex-member by the members. - after some engagement, the ex-cultist moves on - sometime people need additional extensive counseling if cult-related problems continue - author describes a 10-session therapy. assigned ex-cultist 1 sheet of paper for each month of involvement, and to write everything postiive and negative. gave many techniques for information access, recovery, or identification. - therapist described cult persona as no longer existing. "think about that person as a younger you, someone who was doing the very best they could" - client was asked to re-experience each traumatic experience, correcting her responses with her new experience. after being forcibly reprogrammed, the client needed to regain personal control of the experience. - "Integrating the old into the new allows former members to be unusually strong." - "We are survivors. We have suffered hardship and abuse, and, through information and self-reflection, we are able to overcome adversity." I might say "any adversity at all we choose to ourselves" ;p . not knowing for sure if i count in the author's "we" of course. not really knowing what my experience is. - after the therapy, the client learned "on a very deep personal level that they can identify and avoid any situation in which they are being manipulated or used" - trust in one's self and others builds step by step. the nature of trust is you are in control of your risks. - regrettably only a small number of recovery facilities - one is Wellspring Retreat, Barbara Martin, Athens, Ohio - work is needed to offer services without pricetags, as ex-members have no financial resources i think i know how to do that with others, but i don't how to know that i am
