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A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the
front door. "Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed
baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't
move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a
statue."What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one
for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too." No more was
said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.
Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen
and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he
said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths'
for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."
An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly found himself surrounded by a
bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he said quietly
to himself, "Oh God, I'm screwed." A ray of light fell from the sky and a
voice boomed out, "No, you are not screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet
and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you." So the explorer
picked up the stone and proceeded to bash the life out of the chief. He
stood above the lifeless body, breathing heavily, surrounded by 100 natives
with looks of shock on their faces. The voice boomed out again, "Okay, now
you're screwed."
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