Package: controlaula
Version: 1.8.0-2
Severity: wishlist
Tags: patch
There are several language problems in the package descriptions for
controlaula and ltsp-controlaula, which is a pity when the package is
intended to appeal to schoolteachers!
> Package: controlaula
> Architecture: all
> Depends: ${python:Depends}, ${misc:Depends}, python-avahi, python-gtk2,
> python-gobject, python-notify, python-openssl, python-simplejson,
> python-twisted-web, python-xlib, avahi-daemon, xvnc4viewer | xtightvncviewer,
> vlc (>= 1.0.2), libdvdplay0 | libdvdnav4, x11vnc (>= 0.8.2), ifupdown,
> iptables, libjs-jquery (>= 1.4.2)
> Recommends: cups-client, ethtool
> Suggests: libdvdcss2
> Conflicts: ltsp-controlaula
> Description: Classroom management tool
The content's good, but DevRef says there's no need for initial
capitalisation.
> Assists teachers in the management of a classroom with computers in
> the students desktops.
That's not a sentence; start with the subject, ControlAula (to adopt
the upstream capitalisation).
"Computers in the students desktops" is wrong in two ways: first,
they're unlikely to be *inside* the desks, and second, "students"
needs a possessive apostrophe.
(The following newline without a paragraph break achieves nothing, so
I've removed it.)
> It also gives to the student tools to share files and work in groups
> and send messages to the teacher or the other collegues.
This sentence needs some rephrasing; for instance you don't need the
first "and". More importantly, "collegue" is a misspelling of the
wrong word.
> .
> This package has to be installed in the teacher pc and the students
> workstations. When using LTSP this package must not be installed
> inside the clients chroot.
More apostropheless possessives, and a minuscule PC. But this isn't
really a very clear way to explain this, especially to readers who
don't already happen to know about LTSP client chroots. Why go into
the details of the wrong way of installing it? Just say how it is
designed to be installed and then say "compare the other version".
> .
> Check the documentation for detailed instructions to set it up.
This is misleading, given that the documentation appears only to be
available online, not in the packages. And anyway, where would the
detailed instructions be if *not* in the documentation?
My revised version of this package description:
| Description: classroom management tool
| ControlAula assists teachers in the management of a classroom with
| computers on the students' desktops. It also gives the students tools
| to share files, work in groups, and send messages to the teacher or to
| classmates.
| .
| This version is designed to be set up on the teacher's PC and the
| students' workstations (compare the package ltsp-controlaula).
> Package: ltsp-controlaula
> Architecture: all
> Depends: ${python:Depends}, ${misc:Depends}, python-avahi, python-gobject,
> python-openssl, python-simplejson, python-twisted-web, python-xlib,
> xvnc4viewer | xtightvncviewer, vlc, ldm, iptables, avahi-daemon
> Recommends: ethtool
> Conflicts: controlaula
> Description: Classroom management tool with ltsp clients
It isn't a "tool with clients", it's ControlAula *for* an LTSP client.
I'd suggest "classroom management tool - LTSP client version".
> Assists teachers in the management of a classroom with computers in
> the students desktops.
> It also gives to the student tools to share files and work in groups
> and send messages to the teacher or the other collegues.
> .
As above.
> When using LTSP this package must be installed in the clients chroot.
It is not true that using LTSP requires me to install (any version of)
ControlAula.
> .
> Check the documentation for detailed instructions to set it up.
Again, throw out this line (though notice that I replace "installed"
with "set up" to hint at the need for configuration).
My revised version:
| Description: classroom management tool - LTSP client version
| ControlAula assists teachers in the management of a classroom with
| computers on the students' desktops. It also gives the students tools
| to share files, work in groups, and send messages to the teacher or to
| classmates.
| .
| This version is designed to be set up in an LTSP client chroot
| (compare the package controlaula).
--
JBR
Ankh kak! (Ancient Egyptian blessing)
diff -ru controlaula-1.8.0.pristine/debian/control controlaula-1.8.0/debian/control
--- controlaula-1.8.0.pristine/debian/control 2012-06-21 12:09:24.000000000 +0100
+++ controlaula-1.8.0/debian/control 2012-06-28 21:47:49.791392644 +0100
@@ -15,30 +15,25 @@
Recommends: cups-client, ethtool
Suggests: libdvdcss2
Conflicts: ltsp-controlaula
-Description: Classroom management tool
- Assists teachers in the management of a classroom with computers in
- the students desktops.
- It also gives to the student tools to share files and work in groups
- and send messages to the teacher or the other collegues.
+Description: classroom management tool
+ ControlAula assists teachers in the management of a classroom with
+ computers on the students' desktops. It also gives the students tools
+ to share files, work in groups, and send messages to the teacher or to
+ classmates.
.
- This package has to be installed in the teacher pc and the students
- workstations. When using LTSP this package must not be installed
- inside the clients chroot.
- .
- Check the documentation for detailed instructions to set it up.
-
+ This version is designed to be set up on the teacher's PC and the
+ students' workstations (compare the package ltsp-controlaula).
Package: ltsp-controlaula
Architecture: all
Depends: ${python:Depends}, ${misc:Depends}, python-avahi, python-gobject, python-openssl, python-simplejson, python-twisted-web, python-xlib, xvnc4viewer | xtightvncviewer, vlc, ldm, iptables, avahi-daemon
Recommends: ethtool
Conflicts: controlaula
-Description: Classroom management tool with ltsp clients
- Assists teachers in the management of a classroom with computers in
- the students desktops.
- It also gives to the student tools to share files and work in groups
- and send messages to the teacher or the other collegues.
- .
- When using LTSP this package must be installed in the clients chroot.
+Description: classroom management tool - LTSP client version
+ ControlAula assists teachers in the management of a classroom with
+ computers on the students' desktops. It also gives the students tools
+ to share files, work in groups, and send messages to the teacher or to
+ classmates.
.
- Check the documentation for detailed instructions to set it up.
+ This version is designed to be set up in an LTSP client chroot
+ (compare the package controlaula).
