Hi again,

I tried to reproduce your problem by setting up two fresh Debian Buster
installations, one i386 one amd64. s2s between them works like a charm,
and the list of installed packages is identical to yours.

For that reason I assume your problem is either in your ejabberd
configuration or you got some erlang/ejabberd stuff outside of the
package management mixed up in it.

If you're willing to share your ejabberd configuration files I am happy
to take a look, otherwise I don't know how to help you.

Best wishes
-- 
 .''`.   Philipp Huebner <debala...@debian.org>
: :'  :  pgp fp: 6719 25C5 B8CD E74A 5225  3DF9 E5CA 8C49 25E4 205F
`. `'`
  `-

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