I did not see these "evil things" you wrote, but I am sure everyone forgives you. Don't be so down on yourself; everything isn't awful.
On Thu, 2006-10-26 at 19:15 +0400, Maxim Udushlivy wrote: > I want to apology about what I said recently on this list. I feel very > bad about that, and please read why that happened. This is off topic for > this list, but please don't laugh, I need to be listened. > > I am not a native speaker, and in this explanation my phrases may again > sound strange... I'll try to be concise. > > In 2003, being 7 years in a deep depression (caused by life conditions, > unanswered love and failed attempt to immigrate to the USA due to > September 11), I decided to switch my ordinary software job and become a > game developer in a hope that this change will somehow cure me. I > participated in the development of a PS2 title (I was responsible for > game physics, parts of animation and BSP collision detection). In > parallel with software development I was working on a scenario for a > future title, it was a naval drama about a young British whaler (I have > some writing skills). > > Unfortunately the amount of new job not cured me as I foolishly hoped, > instead, after one year it pushed me into a more mental exhaustion. > Being in this state, an accident happened with me where I experienced > life threat and after that I gained a so called Post-traumatic stress > disorder (PTSD): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-traumatic_stress_disorder > > I left gamedev job (I was not able to work in office anymore). I had > some savings, so I just was sitting at home waiting for disorder to > dissipate. This disorder was marked by a strong anxiety and flashbacks; > for several months day and night I was felling like I may die at every > minute. I was afraid to call for a doctor in a fear to be taken into a > hospital and go crazy because of an additional stress. As a measure to > overcome painful flashbacks and draw my attention to something else I > started development of a GUI designer in November 2004 and published it > about year later when it was finished. > > I was not ready for mostly negative feedback (or may be I was imagine > things) and at this point I should just give up, but I decided to > "prove" that I am right and may be "helpful" for foss, not fully > realizing my health conditions and that my writing skills may be > depressing to other people. Next year I was polishing designer and > gathering aggression until it all felled here as a "Contribution" thread > and other my messages. > > Please forgive me for that evil things I was saying here. I was blinded > by false beliefs that I bring "light", but it was almost all just crazy > rhetoric and fantasies of an ill and self-loving person. > > /Maxim Udushlivy > > P.S. I renamed designer project (http://crow-designer.sf.net; a "crow", > because they are tool makers) and will leave it... If somebody is > interested to take over, please contact me or use project mailing list. > Also, I am ready to give all project copyrights to Gnome Foundation. > > _______________________________________________ > desktop-devel-list mailing list > desktop-devel-list@gnome.org > http://mail.gnome.org/mailman/listinfo/desktop-devel-list _______________________________________________ desktop-devel-list mailing list desktop-devel-list@gnome.org http://mail.gnome.org/mailman/listinfo/desktop-devel-list
