Checkout this patch. I -know- state AP_MPMQ_RESTARTING does not exist in ap_mpm.h (so this patch will not compile) but consider it for purposes of discussion. The parent process always goes through master_main() and master_main() can distinguish between stopping and graceful restarting and this would be useful information for a Windows module in the parent process for purposes discussed above.
a comment on just the AP_MPMQ_RESTARTING idea:
Unix code can probably distinguish between restarting or not too, but the purpose of simply reporting that we're stopping is that most code only cares whether or not this MPM process is exiting, and if we only report the more granular information, we've created extra work for most modules and made it more error prone to check. The more granular information should be reported by a separate query call which can distinguish between
stopping because the entire server is shutting down completely stopping, but just this process (idle or hit MaxRequestsPerChild) stopping gracefully during restart procedure stopping ungracefully during restart procedure
