The virtual model broken. I've complained about it lots, and people always
say "stfu, use 'final:' at the top of your class".

That sounds tolerable in theory, except there's no 'virtual' keyword to
keep the virtual-ness of those 1-2 virtual functions I have... so it's no
good (unless I rearrange my class, breaking the logical grouping of stuff
in it).
So I try that, and when I do, it complains: "Error: variable
demu.memmap.MemMap.machine final cannot be applied to variable", allegedly
a D1 remnant.
So what do I do? Another workaround? Tag everything as final individually?

My minimum recommendation: D needs an explicit 'virtual' keyword, and to
fix that D1 bug, so putting final: at the top of your class works, and
everything from there works as it should.

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