*** Democracies Online Newswire - http://www.e-democracy.org/do *** Here is one for the weekend! - SLC ---------- Forwarded message ---------- Date: Sun, 32 Mar 2001 16:20:53 From: politicalbs.com <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Subject: Political .com receives $3 billion in financing MARCH 32, 2001 FOR IMMEDIATE RELIEF Contact: Ketimun Raja, [EMAIL PROTECTED] http://politicalbs.com NATUNA ISLANDS - Oil magnate, Ketimun Raja, of the Natuna Energy Development Corporation, announced a $3 billion dollar venture investment in the global Political Big Site or http://politicalbs.com today. Ketimun Raja note that, "In the coming century Natuna EDC will control 70 percent of the world's natural gas reserves. Gas is used to generate heat particularly where it is cold. We are making this strategic investment in the lucrative commercial online politics arena to ensure our market share in the hot air business and further our covert operations seeking world domination." Features on the new http://politicalbs.com include: * Lobbyline - A Priceline-like service that allows you to set your price for value-free power lobbyists who will fight for your cause until such time that you are out bid. * PrivacyAware - An innovative service that allows you to freely access the personal, health and financial records of elected officials in order to promote awareness of the open society we all seek. * TruthMeter - A java applet that graphically measures the integrity of the authors you read on political discussion boards. Its advanced features locate and summarize all the relevant high quality political information on the Internet that support your existing viewpoint. This feature eliminates the time wasted by the unfortunate exposure to perspectives different than your own. * BannerNads - A new form of banner advertising that really works. Based on secret Australian technology, BannerNads creates an electromagnetic field through any computer monitor and attaches itself to select hair follicles. Continued user avoidance of banner ads results in painful electromagnetic tugging that can only be relieved through raised user click-through rates. This feature when combined with micro-payments may be the Internet's best hope for profitability. * HappyThoughts - Generated through the first groundbreaking T2W solution, the Telepathic to Web publishing solution automatically translates confused brainwaves into database-driven web sites that require no human maintenance. Through an arrangement with the prosperous global Iridium satellite network, HappyThoughts from world leaders will be available on a 24-hour basis, spread over a 17 day orbital period, except on Saturdays in countries where Saturdays are not on the weekend. * PushyPlus - A great new concept called "push technology" combined with a never before attempted e-mail innovation. PushyPlus!!!!! allows Internet users to share excess exclamation points and CAPITOL letters through the forced redistribution of e-mail from those with excess expectations to those with a shortage of exasperation. New Partnership with Bill Gates, Steve Case and Linux Announced Ketimun Raja, "We at http://politicalbs.com are proud to have brokered a partnership with Microsoft, AOL Time Warner and the well organized and cohesive open sauce community including Linux Inc.. It is amazing what you can do with $3 billion dollars." With this partnership, Microsoft and AOL Time Warner have agreed to produce free sauces that will be distributed in small sachets with their free CD-ROM mailings. Through an agreement with Open Trough Soft Money Kitchens, the free sauces would replace chicken at all political fundraisers across the free world. The Political Big Site denies all rumors of a hallucinogenic impact of open sauce on political consultants who still feel .com political start-ups will lead them to the promise land. In addition, according to Steve Case, "These sauces are so rich, that one month of promotional mailings will provide enough nutritional value to sustain three million open sauce programmers for a year." Bill Gates added that, "through our proprietary open sauce.Net blends, Internet users will get what we ask them for or something like that." The spokesperson for Linux Inc. was unavailable due to a mailing list discussion that had yet to forge a rough-consensus on whether this was a "free sauceware" or "open sauce" movement. FORWARD LOOKING INFORMATION Disinformation in this news release, which is not hysterical, includes forward-looking statements made pursuant to the safe harbor provisions of the Private Securities Inflammation Reform Act of 1995. Statements contained in this press relief, including risk assessment of doubtful people named Thomas, the importance of specific technologies with specific markers attached such as red, green or those fancy new ceramic ink pens with glitter, market projections, and the estimated http://politicalbs.com revenue and profit growth and growth rates are full frontal forward looking statements. All of such forward-looking statements involve whisks and uncertainties including, without limitation, clumping of batter, old milk in the back of the refrigerator, adverse business or market conditions, the ability of http://politicalbs.com to secure and addict customers, the availability and cost of garden supplies from http://politicalbs.com suppliers, adverse competitive developments that we are telling you about now even though we know about them, change in or cancellation of customer requirements because they are really stupid, and other risks detailed from time to time in http://politicalbs.com's SEC filings because we have to, but we have lawyers who help make sure that we don't even understand what it say either. # # # *** Please send submissions to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] *** *** To subscribe, e-mail: [EMAIL PROTECTED] *** *** Message body: SUB DO-WIRE *** *** To unsubscribe instead, write: UNSUB DO-WIRE *** *** Please forward this post to others and encourage *** *** them to subscribe to the free DO-WIRE service. ***
