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There are 3 messages in this issue.
Topics in this digest:
1. hi can you help me with this dream i had
From: "cheezymeeh53" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
2. The Origin of the Critic..Part 1
From: Kelly <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
3. Re: hi can you help me with this dream i had
From: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
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Message: 1
Date: Wed, 02 Feb 2005 10:17:35 -0000
From: "cheezymeeh53" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Subject: hi can you help me with this dream i had
i saw my dead mom calling me to come home...what does that mean?
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Message: 2
Date: Wed, 02 Feb 2005 06:25:06 -0500
From: Kelly <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Subject: The Origin of the Critic..Part 1
The pathological critic begins with your parents forbidding gestures-their
negative reactions such as scolding or hitting-when you did something
dangerous, wrong or annoying. These forbidding gestures told you that you were
bad, that there was something wrong with you. When you were a child your
parents disapproval is a life and death matter, since they are the sole source
of physical and emotional nourishment.
You retain conscious and unconscious memories of all those times when you
were punished and felt wrong or bad. These are unavoidable scars that growing
up inflicts on everyone's self esteem. When your pathological critic starts
pointing out how you've made a mess, fall short of a goal, or made a stupid
mistake, it sounds perfectly believable because it barks back to your earliest
memories of punishment, shame and fear.
The nastiness of your pathological critic depends on how frequent,
rejecting, consistent, moralistic, and blaming your parents forbidden gestures
were. The more "yes" answers you make to the following five questions, the
more likely you are to have aloud and vicious internal critic:
1. Did your parents scold or punish you frequently?
It takes many repetitions of "You always screw up. Whats the matter with you?"
before it sinks in and becomes part of your pathological critic's repertoire.
2. Did your parents reject you by anger or withdrawal?
Children can tolerate a fair amount of criticism without danger to their sense
of worth, if the criticism is delivered in a calm supportive way. DAMAGE IS
DONE WHEN PARENTS YELL AND HIT OR WITHDRAW THEIR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT.
3. Did your parents have inconsistent rules?
When parents don't enforce rules consistently, it makes it hard for you to
figure out what is expected of you. When your punished, you are more likely to
assume it;s because your bad by nature, not just breaking a clear rule.
4. Did your parents make everything a moral issue?
If your parents considered being noisy, getting a low grade, or breaking
something a mortal sin, you are more likely to have low self esteem than if
they expressed their rules in terms of preferences, tastes, personal needs, or
safety issues.
5. Did your parents blame you rather than your behavior?
A child who hears a stern warning about the danger of running into the street
will have better than self esteem than a child who hears that she is a "bad
girl" when she runs into the street. Careful parents make a clear distinction
between their child's inappropriate behavior and the basic goodness of their
child.
Your answers to these questions can help you identify the origins of your
critic. It is important to remember that you CAN alter and control your
critic, even if you answered yes to all of these questions. Following
exercises are to follow.
-The Self Esteem Companion http://www.ksigi.com
The only website that allows
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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Message: 3
Date: Wed, 2 Feb 2005 12:15:11 EST
From: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Subject: Re: hi can you help me with this dream i had
avoid beicoming like your dream
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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