There are 3 messages in this issue.
Topics in this digest:
1. Disorder in the American Courts
From: **Kelly** <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
2. Re: Top 10 Feng Shui Tips
From: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
3.
From: **Kelly** <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
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Message: 1
Date: Tue, 19 Jul 2005 11:44:51 -0400
From: **Kelly** <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Subject: Disorder in the American Courts
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things
people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by
court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were
actually taking place.
Enjoy!
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy
on him!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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Message: 2
Date: Tue, 19 Jul 2005 11:59:23 EDT
From: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Subject: Re: Top 10 Feng Shui Tips
and the number one tip is to stay the hell out of your dream by spending time
to the right of it
for more search "making nightmares pay" on the web
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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Message: 3
Date: Wed, 20 Jul 2005 12:42:30 -0400
From: **Kelly** <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Subject:
Natural Beauty Hints
Strawberries & Cream Mask
3-4 medium-sized ripe strawberries
1 tablespoon fresh heavy cream
1 tablespoon organic honey
Mash the strawberries with the back of a fork or puree them in a blender or
food processor. Add the cream and honey to the puree to form a thick mixture.
Apply to the clean face and neck, avoiding the area around the eyes, and leave
on for 10 minutes. Rinse off, using bottled or spring water and cotton pads.
Variations: Use yogurt with active cultures instead of the cream to balance the
pH of the skin. You can also use raspberries instead of strawberries. This
yogurt/raspberry combination is suitable for sensitive skin, and is less likely
to cause minor irritation for anyone allergic to strawberries.
Gentle Facial Exfoliator
2 heaped tsp fine oatmeal
2 tsp whipping cream
Combine ingredients, apply to skin and rub gently, using the balls of fingers,
rinse off.
Strawberry Cleanser
6 whole fresh strawberries, washed (you can use thawed frozen strawberries, if
they have no sugar added)
2 Tbs almond oil
2 Tbs witch hazel
Blend all ingredients together in a blender or food processor. Keep in a jar in
the refrigerator, and use in place of soap to cleanse skin. If you have oily
skin, reduce the amount of almond oil by half.
Lemon Facial
Salt is one of the best antibacterial ingredients ever, and it is slightly
abrasive. Lemon juice exfoliates as it cleans.
1/4 cup sea salt
Enough lemon juice to make a paste
Combine ingredients in a bowl. Dab gently on your face with fingertips or a
cotton ball, then massage into your skin, being careful to avoid the eyes.
Rinse thoroughly with warm water.
If you have very delicate or sensitive skin, omit the salt and use the lemon
juice diluted half and half with water. Pat gently onto skin, then rinse
thoroughly.
Basic Astringent
1/4 tsp borax
3 Tbs distilled water
3 Tbs rosewater or neroli
1 Tbs vodka
Dissolve borax in water and stir well. Add the rosewater (or neroli) and the
vodka, and stir well. Keep in a bottle with a tight lid, so the alcohol won't
evaporate. Apply to your skin with a cotton ball.
Gentle Astringent
4 Tbs rosewater
2 Tbs neroli
2 Tbs witch hazel
Mix all of the ingredients together, and keep in a tightly closed bottle. Apply
to skin using a cotton ball.
Basic Cold Cream
1/8 tsp borax
1/4 cup distilled water
1/2 cup mineral oil
2 Tbs grated beeswax
In a glass measuring cup, dissolve the borax in the water and set aside. In
another glass measuring cup, mix together the mineral oil and the beeswax.
Place the glass cup in a water bath (about 2 inches of water in a pan). Heat
the oil/beeswax mixture in the water bath over medium heat, until the beeswax
is melted (8-10 minutes), stirring occasionally. When the wax is melted, bring
the borax/water mixture almost to boiling ( put it in microwave oven and heat
on High for 1 minute, or if you use the stove top, heat the mixture in a water
bath). Remove the oil/beeswax mixture from the water bath. Slowly add the
borax/water mixture to it, stirring briskly (you can also whip the mixture in a
blender).This mixture will be slightly runny when it's warm, but will become
firmer as it cools. Pour the cream into a clean container with a lid. This
mixture is very stable and lasts a long time. Use like you would any cold
cream.
This mixture is unscented. If you would like to add a scent to it, add a few
drops of your favorite perfume or essential oil to the mixture as it is
cooling.
Basic Moisturizer
1/4 cup mineral oil
1/4 cup stearic acid powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
2 Tbs glycerine
1 cup distilled water
Combine the oil and the stearic acid powder in a ovenproof glass measuring cup.
Combine the baking soda, glycerine, and distilled water in another oven proof
glass measuring cup.
Heat the oil/stearic acid mixture in a water bath on the stove top, until the
mixture is a clear liquid and all the powder has dissolved.
Heat the water solution until almost boiling (2 minutes in the microwave oven
on High, or about 5 minutes in a water bath on the stove top).
Slowly add the water solution to the oil/stearic acid mixture. (the mixture
will foam up, due to CO2 release). Pour the entire mixture in a blender and
blend on high for 2 minutes. The mixture will be white, fluffy, and creamy.
Spoon into bowl, and allow the mixture to cool. When it has cooled completely,
stir again and transfer into a clean jar with a lid.
To use: take a small amount into your palm and massage into your face and neck.
Basic Shampoo I
1/4 cup water
1/4 cup liquid castile soap
1/2 tsp light vegetable oil (omit if your hair is very oily)
Mix all the ingredients and pour into a clean squeeze bottle, pump bottle, or
clean, empty shampoo bottle. Shampoo your hair as you would normally.
Basic Shampoo II
1 cup water
1/2 cup liquid castile soap
1/2 cup glycerine
1/4 cup borax
Mix all the ingredients and pour into a clean squeeze bottle, pump bottle, or
clean, empty shampoo bottle. Allow the mixture to thicken overnight. Shampoo
your hair as you normally would.
Herbal Shampoo
1/2 cup water
2 Tbs dried (or 1/3 cup fresh) chamomile flowers, lavender flowers, rosemary,
or herb of choice. 1/2 cup Basic Shampoo I or II
2 Tbs glycerine
Mix the water and herbs and heat gentle to make a strong tea. Let the mixture
steep for at least 20 minutes, then strain through several layers of
cheesecloth.
Add the shampoo and glycerine to the herbal water and mix well. Pour into a
clean shampoo bottle, and let the mixture sit overnight to thicken. Shampoo
your hair as you would normally, and rinse well.
Chamomile is perfect for light-colored, fine hair ~ rosemary and lavender are
perfect for dark-colored hair.
Conditioning Hair Packs
To make these natural hair packs, choose one or more of the ingredients from
the list below. Use about 1/4 of a cup (or less if your hair is short), and
apply the pack to clean, wet hair. Wrap your hair in plastic wrap, or use a
shower cap. This allows your natural body heat to open up the follicles, and
allows the ingredients to work more efficiently, giving you a deep
conditioning. You can leave them on for 15 minutes, a few hours, or even
overnight. Remember to rinse thoroughly, and re-shampoo your hair.
For dry hair - coconut oil, banana, avocado, or mayonnaise.
For normal hair - egg, olive oil, plain yogurt, or mayonnaise.
For oily hair - add 1 or 2 teaspoons of lemon juice to the products for normal
hair.
Coconut oil is perfect for hair. It leaves a residue that protects the hair
from damage caused by the elements, and it also has sun screen qualities.
Massage your scalp with coconut oil every day for two weeks, and leave the oil
in your hair overnight (wear a plastic cap over it), and you will notice a big
difference in the health of your hair. After two weeks, reduce the coconut oil
treatments to once a week.
Natural Hair Rinses
You can use these rinses before the final rinse. Rub them into your hair for a
few minutes, then rinse with the coolest water you can stand until all the
rinse is removed.
Lemon juice - add the juice of one lemon to a cup of water.
Tomato juice - 1 cup of tomato juice removes odors.
Baking soda - mix one tablespoon baking soda into a cup of water. This removes
hair spray and gel residue.
Beer - use one can or bottle of beer (flat is fine). It gives your hair body.
Apple cider vinegar - mix 1/2 cup of vinegar and 2 cups of water. This makes
your hair shiny and bouncy.
Highlighting Rinses
Rhubarb - use 1/4 cup chopped, fresh rhubarb and add to 2 cups of boiling
water. Cool and strain before using.
Chamomile flowers - pour 2 cups of boiling water over 1/4 cup of chamomile
flowers. Cool and strain before using. Clarifying citrus rinse - boil the rinds
of 2 oranges and 2 lemons for about 10 minutes. Cool and strain. This removes
residue as well, and helps control oily scalps.
Lavender, sage, or cinnamon - any of these will give you dark highlights. Add
1/4 cup sage or lavender, or 3 broken up cinnamon sticks to 2 cups of boiling
water. Cool and strain.
Hibiscus flowers - these flowers will give you lovely red highlights. Use dried
flowers or herbal tea containing hibiscus. Steep the mixture to a shade you
like, then cool and strain before using.
These rinses produce effects over time, so use every day.
Salt Rub
2 cups coarse salt (such as kosher salt)
1 cup oil (coconut, almond, and avocado are best)
Mix the oil and salt until they form a thick paste. Stand in the tub or shower
stall, and starting with your feet, gently massage this paste all over your
body (be careful, your feet will get slippery). When you have finished, rinse
off with warm water and pat dry. Do not use soap, or you will remove the oil
and ruin the moisturizing effect. This paste keeps for 1 or 2 months without
refrigeration, so you can make extra.
Luxurious Milk Bath
1 Tbs each dried rosemary,dried thyme, dried mint
peel of 1 orange
peel of one lemon
2 cups boiling water
enough dried milk to make 3 quarts liquid (abut 10 oz)
Combine the herbs and peels in a large bowl. Pour boiling water over them and
allow to steep overnight. Strain off the liquid, removing all solids. Add the
milk powder to this solution. Draw a warm bath and pour the entire mixture into
it. Soak in the bath for 20 minutes or more, then rinse your skin with warm
water, removing every trace of milk. Pat dry.
Mud Body Mask
1/2 cup powdered clay
1/2 cup powdered kelp
1/2 cup aloe vera gel
1/2 cup seawater (or mix sea salt with distilled water)
Mix all of the ingredients together until they form a thick paste. Spread this
paste over your face and body, and let dry for 15 or 20 minutes. This mask
helps draw toxins from your skin, giving it a healthy glow
Spicy Massage Oil
1/2 cup almond oil
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
Mix all ingredients together. Let the mixture sit overnight, so the oil will
absorb the vanilla and cinnamon.
Pour a bit into your palm and massage into skin. This oil is wonderful after a
bath or shower.
Eau de Cologne
1/4 cup vodka
1/4 cup distilled water
3-4 drops of your favorite essential oil, or a mixture of oils
Mix all ingredients together and pour into a clean spray bottle. Spray a gentle
mist onto body or hair.
Lavender Powder
1 tsp orrisroot powder
1 Tbs dried lavender flowers
1 Tbs cornstarch
2 drops lavender essential oil
Mix together all the ingredients, and place in a food processor or a coffee or
spice grinder, and process until you obtain a smooth powder. Place in a clean
container with a tight-fitting lid. To use, apply to body with a powder puff.
After Bath Powder
1/2 cup cornstarch
1/2 cup rice flour
6 drops of essential oil of choice
Place all ingredients in a blender and blend at low speed. When done blending,
place in a container with a tight fitting lid. Apply with a powder puff.
Deodorant Powder
1 cup cornstarch
1 Tbs baking soda
Place the cornstarch and baking soda in the blender and blend on low.
Herbal Mouthwash
2 Tbs fresh parsley
2 Tbs fresh mint
1 cup distilled water
1 Tbs vodka
Combine all ingredients in a blender and process on high until well blended
(about 2 or 3 minutes). Pour the liquid through a strainer lined with
cheesecloth or a coffee filter, into a clean container. Use like a regular
mouth rinse.
Tooth Powders
Baking Soda - dip a clean, wet toothbrush into baking soda, and brush your
teeth and gums for 2 full minutes. Rinse well.
Baking soda and salt - Mix together equal amounts of baking soda and table
salt, and use as above.
Sage - Mix powdered sage into a mixture of baking soda and salt, and use as
above. Sage is a natural tooth whitener.
If you don't like the taste of any of these powders, add 2 to 5 drops of
peppermint or citrus oil to the mixtures.
Almond & Cocoa Butter Lip Gloss
1/2 tsp grated beeswax
1 tsp cocoa butter (if using solid, grate it)
1 tsp almond oil
Melt all ingredients together over medium heat in a glass container set in a
water bath. Pour the liquid into a lip gloss container or pill box. Cool until
mixture turns solid. Apply to lips like regular lip gloss.
Lanolin Lip Balm
1 tsp lanolin
1 tsp grated beeswax
1 tsp petroleum jelly
Melt all ingredients together over medium heat in a glass container set in a
water bath. Pour the liquid into a lip gloss container or pill box, and allow
to cool completely before using. Lanolin helps your lips retain moisture. This
balm can be used if you have extremely dry and/or cracked lips.
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