Dear VoltsJolts: Is this really a true story about your personal experience, or is it a fantasy story about what you would have liked to have done earlier in your life, but really never did, only thought about it? You sound like you are telling the truth about your experience, but any good writer can do that. Are you now doing estim in a more sane way? If so, does it satisfy you, after you have been into such extreme self play, even if it is your imagination and not experience? Let us hear more about you. B --- In [email protected], "voltsjolts" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > > > WARNING, do not repeat any of the acts I describe here. They were > stupid and dangerous and could have resulted in serious injury or > death. This is a true personal account of how I got involved with > bdsm and electric play as an ignorant person blind to the potential > deadliness of my homemade toys. This story is not encouragement to > try anything it describes and I discourage anyone from starting down > this path. > > I am a grown adult now but got into bdsm, electric play, and self > bondage on my own early in life with absolutely no influence from > anyone else. Until posting this story to the net it has been a > complete and dark secret of mine. It is a bad idea to say at what > exact age it all started but let's just say it was the beginning of > puberty. > > Whil playing with an instructional electronics kit there was a mistake > involving a relay and an audio transformer and generated a square- wave > ac signal. Touching the transformer output by accident produced a > shock to the fingers. The feeling immediately captured my interest so > I explored further by touching two wires to various parts of my body. > Fortunately, safety was a concern and there was a clear knowledge not > to not do anything stupid like connect a circuit across the heart. > After playing with feet, legs and butt cheeks the next thing was to > try sticking one wire up my ass and touching the other one just on the > outside. With the contact area of single bare wires being so small > the sensation was instant pinpoint burning pain. That was not fun > right away but the potential was obvious there had to be something > worth further investigation. > > The first step in my exploration was to go from a mistake to a serious > electro shock circuit. Using a simple relay interrupter hooked up to > pulse into a transformer worked fine. The frequency was too high at > first and produced a tickle buzzy kind of feeling. Adding a capacitor > across the relay to slowed it down some. Playing with different > values got the frequency down to about 50hz which caused the most > powerful muscle contractions. The overall sensation wasn't strong > enough yet so further modifications were needed produce more output. > More batteries helped and the audio transformer was very small so that > was replaced with a larger one from a broken radio. That made it all > too strong so it hade to have a variable resistor added to adjust the > output intensity. > > Next, it was time to build and test various electrodes to see what > they felt like. Larger surface area contacts produced less burning > and more of a deeper shock than small contacts. Also, if one > electrode was large and the other was small then all of the sensation > of shock would come from the smaller side. It was fun to place a > large foil contact on each butt cheek and cause powerful contractions. > From internal anal experimentation, the greatest sensitivity and > muscle response was produced with the electrode placed 1/2 to 1 inch > inside. This was determined after placing electrodes at various > depths up to about 10 inches. Placing an electrode deep inside > thinking it would give more powerful sensations is wrong. It didn't > do much even with full power, it just produced a weird sick nauseous > ache inside that made me nearly throw up. That wasn't very fun and > the risk of damaging an internal organ seemed real so the deep stuff > was abandoned. Back to the outer regions of the anus. Two circular > electrodes running around the probe produced pain but not much in the > way of contractions. Side-by-side contacts running front to back > along the probe caused a powerful response. Using the large > transformer and touching the battery to it manually for just one > single shock pulse caused a contraction hard enough to jerk the whole > lower body around. > > It is hard to remember or describe exactly what I first liked about > doing this. The sensations were just so addictive. It was > unexplainable but I just liked this specific kind of pain from > electricity and liked it best in my anus and nowhere else. I wanted > more of it and could not be stopped. My ass kept getting used to the > shock level and whatever hurt for a while would eventual fade and > become uninteresting. This started a neverending desire for a more > and more powerful sensation. The way to do it was adding more > batteries and an even bigger transformer. The circuit was finally > capable of an output level so high I could not work up the raw nerve > to willingly turn the resistor all the way down. > > Again, that became easy and boring after a while and new dimensions > were needed. I wanted to feel out of control and push my limits of > pain so I hooked an off switch up to a wind-up mechanical timer to > produce a timed shock. I would try to just lay still and take it > until the timer ran out but any level of shock tollerable for starting > out would eventually become too small after a while. That meant > repeatedly reaching over and turning up the shock to get more effect > and again it was limited by will power. That was fixed by hooking up > a second timer to the variable resistor so the intensity would start > out very small and automatically build up to maximum. It was exciting > because the resistor didn't always move smoothly and sometimes there > would be big sudden jumps in shock level. Now hands were no longer > needed to adjust the device once started and it was possible to tie > myself up somewhat to pretend being stuck. At first I would always > test it out briefly at maximum with the electrode in my ass to know > exactly what I was getting into and make sure it was possible to > tolerate it full strength. That was still too much predictability and > no real surprise. So, I started adding an extra battery and starting > the timers without knowing how strong it was going to be when the > resistor reached zero. Again it was not enough excitement because > even with all the timers there was still some level of control since > it was always possible to just untie the ropes and reach over to turn > it off any time. The only possible escalation from here was true > total loss of control combined with helpless submission to an unknown > amount of pain. > > This was the point where it became a true twisted obsession even at > such a young age. I was addicted to this exact type of anal pain and > nothing else would turn me on. I didn't even learn how to masturbate > prior to playing with electricity and now I was so jaded there was no > possibility of pleasuring myself without it. Enough background on > getting started, here comes the extreme part. This is the kind of > self-bondage scene I was into less than a year after starting down > this path: > > I would start by hot-melt gluing a 1 1/2 inch diameter, 6-inch long > dual-contact electrode into my ass so it wouldn't fall out when I > thrashed around. Hot melt glue wont stick to the inside smooth skin > of the rectum but it will stick to the outer butt cheeks. There was > no hair in that region yet but if there was it would have pulled off > by all the glue for sure. The burning of the melted glue against my > skin was just a teaser for all the glorious pain about to come. The > glue kept it in there pretty good but not enough to prevent removal so > there was also a harness of metal cable threaded through a hole in the > end of the probe and secured with a lock. The power source was very > advanced now. It had a delayed start timer, measured shock duration > timer, and automatic power level increase timer. It sat 6 feet away > from the bed and locked into a desk drawer. The heavy power cable was > taken from a thick outdoor extension cord and ran out and over to the > bed and around a bed post several times to prevent any pulling from > removing it from the shock source. From there it ran up onto the bed > and into the probe in my ass. It was tied to the metal cable harness > very well to prevent being pulled out of the probe. My feet were tied > spread eagle to the bed posts, almost touching them with just about a > foot of slack. There was another restraint tied to my wrist using a > combination lock and connected to a rope pulling my arm tight over my > head to just short of the headboard stretching my body out tight in > the center of the bed. The other hand was left free to masturbate but > there was no way using all of possible strength it could ever remove > the electrode or undo any restraints. > > The room was pitch dark but there was a light on a regular wall timer > set to turn on just after the session was completed. Once that > combination lock on my hand was closed there was absolutely no return > because it was too dark to see the dial on the lock. Sometimes there > was a second or two of hesitation but I never failed to click that > lock shut and seal my fate for the next hour. > > It was an unbelievable feeling just waiting there in the dark > anticipating what was about to happen. Adrenaline pumping in my veins > and my heart beating fast. Counting out the seconds and listening to > the muffled sound of timers ticking away in the drawer wondering when > it would start. Questions dancing in my mind like how long until the > power level built up to pain and exactly how much pain was going to > result this time when the resistor reached zero and let the full > unrestricted shock flood into my soon-to-be-tortured anus? Did the > timers get set right and what if the off switch didn't work this time? > > When the shock started it was always just a small tickle at first but > the sexual excitement was undeniable. After about 6 minutes it went > from tickle to slight pain and it was time to masturbate. The charge > slowly increased and the feeling was pure pleasure so strong there was > a ringing in my ears. It was a carefully timed sort of masturbation. > If the orgasm came too fast then I wouldn't get the full effect of > the shock but if I waited too long the pain level would get so high it > would halt the pleasure dead in its tracks. After the orgasm hit me > and started to fade, the shock-induced pleasure that was my friend > would turn against me and become all pain without pleasure. Still, > the timer on the resistor ticked down, slowly but monotonously turning > up the voltage bit by bit with the occasional small jump as the > resistor stuck a bit as it rotated. Just a few minutes more and it > hurt so bad my body twisted around in bed straining at the restraints > in vain. It was no fun now, why did I do this to myself? ... and it > was too late to ask. My mind racing over escape plans but there was > nothing. Sometimes I would claw at the electrode and try to pull it > loose. It was no use, the restraints were just too thorough. There > was no way to stop this inevitable process of pain. My whole ass was > on fire now, muscles clenching, agony ripping through my rectum. A > homemade gag made out of a t-shirt and locked into my mouth with a > metal cable prevented screaming out loud. I could breath through the > gag a bit but would end up panting through my nostrils as fast as > possible because of the pain. Still the level of shock increased and > now the pain seemed to extend out from my rectum into my whole pelvis. > Maybe it took my breath away so much it would not have been possible > to scream even without the gag because I was truly gasping for air as > quickly as possible just to survive. There wasn't even a stray > thought to any further masturbation at this point, it was just about > pain and survival now. In the end, there never was any permanent > damage done but in the heat of the moment there was always a thought > that this was the one time I had finally gone too far and the current > was surely permanently burning through the tissue my rectum. There > was no way of knowing how much time was left or if the power was all > the way up yet. A person can't even begin to keep track of time when > crazed senseless with so much pain. It just went on and on like that > for about 40 more minutes while I cried continuous silent tears, > arching my back and sometimes convulsed helplessly knowing there was > absolutely no escape from pain until the timer ran out. > > That was the exact mental feeling I grew addicted to, being helpless > in pain from my own actions. My feindish inventiveness had perfected > a way of achieving it all on my own at any time. When the shock timer > finally finished ticking down it would turn off the shock and my body > collapsed like a rag doll. Maybe a minute or two later the light > timer activated and lit the room. I felt weak and it was hard to open > the lock with the pain still so strong my fingers would be shaking and > making mistakes while trying to dial the combination. I would look > down and see my whole body dripping with sweat so much it had soaked > an outline of itself into the sheet. It was important to keep water > handy and not get dehydrated before starting the next round of pain. > In a weird way I was proud of being able to do this thing to my body > like it was some achievment worthy of praise but also so embarrassing > it was impossible to share with any other person. Sleep never > mattered to me. When I got the craving, sometimes I would repeat the > whole process three times in a single night. Once I had my fill I > would undo all of the restraints and remove the electrode. The glue > would tear off a bit of skin and the internal probe was always hot to > the touch shining with my sweat. Even after a full night agonizing > pain and exhaustion just the mere sight of that electrode, my chosen > master, still turned me on. One last step, everything had to be > disassembled and hidden in various places to prevent my parents from > discovering my implements of pain. > > I had this unreachable fantasy of going further and forcing myself to > take it in one big dose until I lost consciousness. I got aroused > just picturing myself laying unconscious on the bed in a cold sweat > but still jerking around from the shocks. I never did find a way to > reach that point on my own. > > Eventually, I realized that this insane path of ever increasing risk > and pain was leading to something permanent and bad. My will to > survive is strong, so I simply quit cold-turkey and pushed it all deep > into the back of my mind. The desire is still there but I blend in > perfectly now, just another boring vanilla member of the masses. > > -voltsjolts ------------------------ Yahoo! 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