Re: [FairfieldLife] Re: TM TTC Application Form Now Available

Wed, 13 Apr 2005 06:46:29 -0700


Okay, tell me to mind my own beeswax but, say the Jazz Club calls a
few places that you've worked previously for routine references.  He
hears, this guy can be a virtual genius in the kitchen, a hard
worker, gets along with fellow workers, especially underlings, but
he has something going on with authority. He has his own idea about
things, and if they differ from what you, (the boss), believe, he
won't hesitate to tell you to stick it where the sun don't shine. 

lurk



----Sure, yep, that's my problem. Problems with authority. Always was, always will be. 40 jobs in 15 years proves it. It's something I work on constantly and I'm ok at working with authority until they tell me something to do that goes deeply against the grain, like cracking a whip on my co-workers. That's not the way I manage, nor will I ever. When the boss tells me that I am a failure because I don't crack the whip on a nigger, then I honestly can't bear the repugnance and must go.  Sure, that's the sad state of jobs. It's not my personality. I'm not making more bad karma being a schmuck. Of course that's just the last job.
 
The job before I gave them every last thing I had and it wasn't enough.  I worked until I was completely empty, and then when they didn't care I split. Yeah, I have excuses. And you're right, my former employer hates my guts and would do anything in the world to jeopardize my future security, without any feeling of compunction. Considering that he fired me the first time I worked for him and then rehired me at a three dollar raise thus proving my worth, he still wouldn't support me. When he started talking about firing the whole kitchen of three people then I felt it was better to leave with dignity then be fired again.
 
I am going to have kids next year, if all goes well. I need an employer who is considerate enough to not screw me over in my real hour of need. And Carmelo was not that employer or restaurant. Ie., my wife was sick with the flu a month ago and she was out of work for a week. I called in one slow night when they were already staffed and noone would miss me. To feed her because she was too weak to get out of bed. They gave me loads of shit. I thought, next time it'll be worse and my wife will be pregnant.
 
Cooking is a harsh reality, and a harsh enviroment, and it's not really working for me any longer, though there seems to be no way out except through.
 
You know what?  So I am not able to truely function in the bizz. So what should I do? Off myself?  I deserve to be allive just as anyone else in spite of my ineptness for respecting the undeserving restaurant owner or manager. Einstein couldn't tie his shoes.  I am a fine cook, but I can't get with authority. We all have our dualities in the relative, andn that's mine. It's a loser combo for sure as managers hold all the strings.
 
So what to do. I keep stirring the pot. I keep burning karma, with bridges. I'm smart but maybe too smart as I outdo myself constantly. When Carmelo said all his shit to me, like, "See that spot, it makes me sick. I really don't even want to even go in the kitchen," after I had cleaned all morning, or when I iced food down, and left it out for the hour break, instead on not icing it down and letting it sit out, and then not putting it in the reach-in between breaks, he said, "I don't know what you're doing! I run a clean restaurant here! With all the rats and cockroaches, how can you leave food out and not cover it during break!"  You know what?  In the kitchen I'm in charge and if someone else wants to do the job then I'll move out of the way. Clean restaurant. Right. Unsanitary iceing food down. Right. And then Carmelo was in the kitchen all the time remaking the recipes and though he is Italian, and it's his restaurant, his food looked like shit, tasted paltry, and his presence stimied my will to work, and even to live. At the moment I quit, he sunlight hit my eyes, and my mind was filled with light, and all I really remember of the moment was that it was very golden. And spontaneous.
 
So yeah, damn right I was wrong, because I need the money. My wife needs me to work or she gets a bit distant.  I need to work or I have too much energy and I just sit around disturbing everyone on the net. And yeah, I did disturb a bunch of people yesterday, mostly at IKN Yahoo group. So fuck me dead. And see if I care ultimately. It's all one.  You get what you payed for. You want shit food you hire some moron who will do exactly what you want. You want great food you hire a knowledgable chef who loves the art, even when they aren't politically savvy. It used to be that genius was appreciated, but now, there's just no room for genius in commerce. The board of directors and major shareholders of every corporation in the world have seen to that. Genius must be controlled.  But genius isn't controllable. It's like the rising and setting sun through the seasons. We can't predict the weather, and some days the sun shines so hot that noone really should be out in it.
 
Weed.  Needs to be legalized, because it really tones the pitta down so much. I can't explain to you peeps how the calm that follows a joint really increases my devotion to divinity altogether. I praise the name of the Lords and Buddhas when I am high. When not, the mind spins endlessly. When high, the slights and insults and differences in opinion can all be put aside because the mind is already content. And yet gorunded. When not high, the contentment of the mind is in question, and so is everything else. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. Duality.  Unity.  Something will arise. It always does when I am so desparate that I'll eat my own socks or get close to the razor. Being unfit for entering other man made structures doesn't mean I'm a failure, nor does it mean anything really except that I really should be my own boss. That's all.
 
Let's see you guys serve assholes for fifteen years always misinterpreting, always sardonic, always demanding, always never satisfied, always.... Yeah, it drives me to almost death.  And that's when I blow. You want to kill me? That's when I whip out my gat and spit out some rounds of truth. And the truth always sets me free. Which is why I'm here today to chat. I certainly am not stupid enough to give shady references though that doesn't stop people from calling anyway.
 
I'm basically fucked. I'm fucked. I always was fucked, I'm fucked now. Prolly always will be. So in spite of this, I have been focusing on trying to make good karma.  One doesn't need money to do good works. And I really believe I did something selfless yesterday with no desire for reward. Now that is one of the greatest joys I have had in a long time. Yes, it really is.
 
 


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