I remember when I first smoked hash too! Wow!
--- On Sun, 7/20/08, jasonjamesmorgan <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > From: jasonjamesmorgan <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > Subject: [FairfieldLife] ??? > To: FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com > Date: Sunday, July 20, 2008, 8:47 PM > Monday morning 345 am Sep 10, 2007 > > The turning point. Vague, but tangible. Seemingly trivial, > subtly > vital. How do I make this the moment. The moment to end > moments. The > eternal now. Unbroken awareness. Awareness of the > spectacular > possibitly of manifested existence. Awareness of the > unmanifested > existence which is now, which is me. > > A manifested existence built on the shining hill. A hill of > shinning > moments, of brilliance and ignorance. Hurts and joys. Shame > and > moments to be proud of. The moments that have defined me > until now. A > heaping pile of shining light. > > I stand on this hill naked. Alone. Lost. With seemingly > nothing to > build with, only a broken pile to stand on. > > I have died. The building which was me has collapsed. I am > reborn. > Standing on the hill which was me. When I was first born, I > had my > mothers house to call my own. To protect me. Now I have > nothing but > the memory. Alone. Abandoned. Bleeding. Am I bleeding? Or > is this > blood I am covered in someone elses. I have hurt people. I > have hurt > those I loved. I loved those that hurt me. I am not > innocent. I am > not a victim. And if I am a victim, I am only a victim of > myself. > > I stand on bodies. On broken relationships. On drugs. On > broken homes > and lives. On success and failure. On power and fear. Love > and > hatred. Secrets and lies. Faith. Beliefs. Ignorance. And > wisdom. > > Wisdom. > > The wisdom shines. It all shines. The pile I stand on > shines. > Everything I stand on is wisdom. It is death, blood, pain, > sorrow, > drugs, lives, loves, knowledge, and ignorance. Everything > that was me > has been destroyed. I stand apon this massive hill of > destruction, > and it shines. Shines as wisdom. Terrible, glorious wisdom. > Agonizing > wisdom. Blinding light. > > Who am I? > > I am not that which is now destroyed. That which I stand > on. I am not > the wisdom. I am the awareness of the wisdom. I am > awareness. I am > that I am. > > Monday 415am > > What now? > > Do I build a castle on this hill? Another castle, doomed to > crumble. > A castle built on wisdom. The wisdom that says it will > crumble too. > And when it does, all that will remain is awareness. Naked > awareness. > Wisdom to see that which everyone sees only when they die. > Wisdom > they do not have to live with. My castle crumbled too soon, > and I did > not die. Now I must build another castle, without the > ignorance. I > know it will all crumble again. My burden. My wisdom. My > truth. Not > many others can grasp. Maybe intuitively know, but not > grasp totally. > > So now what? > > I will build another castle. A castle on a shining hill. A > beautiful > castle made of non-resistance, non-judgement, and > non-attatchment. > For these are the only building blocks worthy of this > shining hill. > > Many will pass by my castle on the hill, and say "Who > does he think > he is, building his house on a hill? He must think he is > better than > us!". "Look he does what we do, but not the same > way. Does he think > he is different than us!" "Have you looked into > his eyes, there is > something secret in them." > > And then one day someone will be passing by and stop. > Someone with > eyes like mine. They will smile, then laugh. They will say, > "Look at > this man, he has lost everything once and survived. Now he > has built > a beautiful castle on the remains. He knows it will fall > again, so he > has built it of non-attachment, non-judgement, and > non-resistance. He > is like a child building sand castles before the tide comes > in and > destroys it. Of all the castles I have seen, this is one of > the most > beautiful." > > These people will look into my eyes and not see a secret, > but the > truth. Others will see a secret and say " He is so > sad, carrying such > a burden". But the people who see the truth will say > "Wow, he is so > peaceful. He has been to heaven and hell. But he is not of > heaven or > hell. He just is. Truly this is the happiness which > surpasses all > understanding. He is not happy that he has such a beautiful > castle, > nor is he sad that one day it will crumble. He has that > peace. > Abiding serenity. He has that peace which is the same in > heaven or > hell. Look at how the ignorant misread his eyes. Some see > heaven, > some see hell. The wise see the truth, see the peace. The > end of > suffering." > > 555am > Jason James Morgan > > > > ------------------------------------ > > To subscribe, send a message to: > [EMAIL PROTECTED] > > Or go to: > http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/ > and click 'Join This Group!'Yahoo! Groups Links > > >
