Re: [FairfieldLife] Re: Vaj tries to blame TM for his mental ilnesses'

[Llundrub]

Vaj isn't Drikung. I'm actually Drikung, but I'm not Mike Crog. I've never met him either as he seems to be Drikung Kagyu, while I'm Drikung Dzogchen.  Don't think I don't respect Vaj because I do. I just hate when two things happen. One when a bully bullies people, and two when the previous bullied person becomes a bully.    I happen to think that TM and Dzogchen in particular are extremely compatible and harmonious.  I tried to make this point once or twice.  Dzogchen is really beautiful. It would be a shame for any real seeker to not have at least read a bit about it.  That said, many Dzogchen people I know have the usual cultish snobbery that you find everywhere, so I, personally, since this is my web home of sorts, get a bit offended when people bash TM.    Bash Maharishi, he deserves it, but don't bash TM, that shows real lack of experience.   ----Mental Illnessessessessessessessesssessssssssssssszzzzzzzzzzz...............   Most people who have mental illnesses latent or otherwise would do well to stay away from any particular practice which stresses the overbearing emptiness or fullness (whichever term one prefers) of samadhi.  Any technique which makes ones thoughts pick up more energy will have a detrimental effect if ones mind is already out of control.    I mean, this makes the TMO with its lack of subtle support for mental experiences sort of prime ground for freaking out, and it happens to many, though I don't recall it happening amongst my large MIU class.  So it's probably not a statistical probability, though it's also not a random occurance. I mean, I got my girlfriend pregnant during a forest academy when we were rounding, we later got an abortion. We had some heated arguments and tough times, but even then we didn't freak out. So freaking out cannot be blamed on TM. It's the "thin skull" theory. Which goes like this.  If you get in a bar fight and knock someone in the head with a bottle, and it kills the guy because he had an extremely thin skull then you're still responsible.  It doesn't matter that his especially thin skull was not foreseeable because your action in the first place was wrongful.  So also, if you're fucked in the head don't take dope and don't play with deep meditation.   (Also leave knives and small animals alone, and don't play with matches)   That said, I believe that if such meditations such as Vippassana were studied clinically and mental patients were allowed to participate then it's quite likely that many mental illnesses could be reperceived as spiritual awakenings rather than mental illnesses. The reason I recommend vipassana over other techniques is the 2,500 years of accumulated experience behind the practice with much attendent wisdom and knowledge.  Such isn't  the case with TM, and moreover, there is no meme pool set in place to collect experiences or accumulate knowledge or wisdom so as to benefit the future, which is really fucking sad.   Enough hippy babbling.       ----- Original Message ----- From: shukra69 To: FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com Sent: Sunday, July 10, 2005 1:35 PM Subject: [FairfieldLife] Re: Vaj tries to blame TM for his mental ilnesses' --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, "Llundrub" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]...> wrote: > Yeah, funny. That's not Vaj. > As for the quote, I don't see it. the quoted self-descriptions are taken from his website. He wrote the text in the first-person and posted it as "swami truthananda" in alt.meditation.transcendental > > > ----- Original Message ----- > From: shukra69 > To: FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com > Sent: Sunday, July 10, 2005 11:59 AM > Subject: [FairfieldLife] Vaj tries to blame TM for his mental ilnesses' > > > describes himself as "evangelical" "orthodox" "Catholic" "traditionalist" > Christian": > http://www.shunyata.net/new/home.htm > > > I'm an 18 year veteran of the Transcendental Meditation movement. I > was recruited into this destructive cult in 1974. I'd taken a year off > of college between my junior and senior years. I was dissatisfied with > my major, feeling confused and without clear goals. I decided to work > for a > year, hoping to get my future into sharper focus. One day during my > "sabbatical" from college, I saw a poster with Maharishi's picture on > it, advertising a free introductory lecture on the stress releasing > benefits of Transcendental Meditation. I attended the lecture, > interested to find out if TM could supply a natural way tap into the > mental potential I was convinced I wasn't taking full advantage of. I > was also hoping it would help me relax. > > The teacher was persuasive, using charts and graphs to "prove" > scientifically that TM increased intelligence, reduced stress, and > expanded human potential. This was exactly what I wanted, and I signed > up to learn the technique as soon as possible.  > > I experienced immediate benefits from practicing the TM technique. It > relaxed me, sharpened my sensory awareness, improved my memory, and gave > me a deep, contented feeling I'd never experienced in my entire life. I > was hooked! But I remember being disturbed when the series of follow-up > lectures, required for learning the technique, involved being taught a > philosophy that was foreign to me. It was presented as the absolute > truth. Critical questions were answered with pat replies. I had > resistance to this information about cosmic consciousness, states of > enlightenment, etc. but my critical thinking mechanisms had been > weakened because of the profound effect the Transcendental Meditation > technique was having on me. I remember a clear point when my defenses > against it suddenly crashed, and I no longer resisted absorbing the > "knowledge." I'd snapped. > > After practicing the TM technique on my own for 3 years, the TM movement > came out with an advanced technique called the TM Sidhi program, or the > levitation technique. It was the hottest new thing in the movement. > Everyone wanted to learn how to "fly." I was so eager to learn, I quit > my job, packed up all my things, and moved to Fairfield, Iowa, the home > of Maharishi International University (MIU). MIU is an accredited > university, with the TM philosophy forming the basis for every > discipline taught there. They had just started a volunteer staff > program, whereby you would work for a year in exchange for getting the > TM Sidhi program, which cost $3000 at the time. I jumped at the chance! > I realized many years later that I'd been subjected to mind control > techniques from the very beginning of my involvement in TM, but after I > moved to MIU, the thought reform greatly intensified. > > I became so indoctrinated by the TM philosophy that my touch with > reality was sharply severed. I ended up becoming extremely dependent on > the TM community, living there for the next 15 years. What drew me to > the group was a sense of belonging that I'd never experienced any other > time in my life. I had a lifestyle and framework from which to live that > was simple, upbeat, and gave my life a much needed direction. I made > many good friends in Fairfield, was given opportunities to do jobs that > in the real world would have required vocational training which I didn't > have. But in 1984, the positive aspects of my experience in the TM > community began to be overshadowed by the start of a nightmare. It began > with my first mental breakdown -- a psychotic break. I had delusions of > grandeur, I stopped sleeping, and acted inappropriately. I was picked up > by MIU security, and committed to a state mental hospital. What I didn't > realize at the time is that this would be the first of 20 psychiatric > hospitalizations that I would experience while in the TM movement. > > I was diagnosed with manic depressive illness. The psychotic break was > labeled as a manic episode. Then soon after, I began suffering from > clinical depression. I was put on medication, began seeing a counselor, > but continued to experience long bouts of depression and anxiety. I'd > gone into the TM movement full of promise and potential. I'd always > excelled at jobs, and was quickly promoted to management positions. But > for the first time in my life, I was being taken aside and told that I > wasn't being productive enough on the job, and was threatened with > termination if I didn't improve. > > The mood swings continued, and eventually I was being hospitalized every > 3 or 4 months. My self-confidence deteriorated. And it got so bad that > for two years I had suicidal thoughts every single day. I wanted to die, > but I was afraid to kill myself. Eventually I was laid off from my job, > became homeless, finally moving into a seedy hotel room which I rented > by the week. My life had become a shambles -- a distant cry from the > success the TM movement had promised if I meditated twice day, as I had > continued to do. > > I began sleeping during the day, and staying up all night reading. I > read a book on Jim Jones and the Jonestown massacre. This peaked my > interest in cults. I found the book Combatting Cult Mind Control by > Steve Hassan at the local library. As I read through the 8 criteria of a > cult, I broke out in a sweat, fear running through my entire body. I > suddenly realized that TM was a cult, and it struck me between the eyes > that I needed to get out as soon as possible. > > I contacted several of the therapists and exit counselors listed in the > back of the book. They answered my many questions, and reaffirmed my > instinct to leave as soon as possible. I didn't want to lose my window > of clarity, falling back into the cult mindset and losing my nerve to > get out. So I packed up my car with all my belongings and my two dogs, > and drove out of Fairfield for good. I left behind 15 years of > friendships, the only lifestyle I'd known in my adult life, and a belief > system I'd been completely indoctrinated to embrace. Cults condition you > to be phobic about leaving the group. In my case, I was having images of > being in a terrible car accident. I thought I'd be punished by spiritual > forces for betraying Maharishi. > > I moved to another town in Iowa in order to start my new life outside of > the cult. I wasn't prepared for how difficult it would be. I was excited > with my new found freedom. I was learning all over again what it meant > to live in a democracy instead of the totalitarian system I was used to > in the TM community. But I was having extreme problems with dissociation > -- an adverse side effect of all those years of meditation. I had great > difficulty fitting in socially. I made many mistakes, misreading people. > Plus I was naive, and didn't know how to protect myself from people who > would take advantage of me. After 4 months out, I was feeling very > isolated, scared, and confused. Then I had the worst psychotic episode > of my life. > > I got myself to a hospital, terrified because voices inside my head were > telling me to kill myself. I felt compelled to do myself harm, and > instinctively knew I had to get to a place where I would be protected > from myself. The internal struggle was intense, and I believe a direct > result of the confusion and despair I was experiencing as a result of my > readjustment to mainstream society. > > After being released from the hospital, I began doing more reading on > cult recovery. I started seeing a counselor at the mental health center, > hoping for help. She was a wonderful person, but completely > inexperienced with cult recovery. I saw her weekly for over 2 years, > becoming more and more confused and discouraged, feeling there must be > something inherently flawed in me, because the therapy wasn't working. > > Then I came across Dr. Margaret Singer's new book, Cults in Our Midst. I > devoured the chapters on recovery, recognizing myself on every page. She > described my exact symptoms, making me realize I wasn't flawed, and that > I was having a normal reaction to an abnormal cult situation. I knew > then that I had to see a cult recovery specialist. There wasn't a single > one in the state of Iowa, so I decided to do everything in my power to > get to Wellspring, the only residential cult recovery treatment center > in the country. > > I spent three weeks at Wellspring. I'd put on a brave front up until > that point, and didn't realize just how hopeless I'd been until I > finally got the proper help. When I was finally at the retreat, and > surrounded by people who understood the trauma I'd been experiencing, I > realized just how close I'd come to killing myself. Wellspring was a > clear turning point for me. I shudder to think where I'd be in my life > now without it. I received a good balance of individual counseling, > education, techniques to combat the dissociation, and a much needed > rest. I have a very thorough understanding of mind control now, which > has helped me stop blaming myself for what happened to me. I was > tentatively rediagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I'd > suspected for many years that I didn't have true manic depressive > illness. It doesn't occur in my family and I didn't have all the classic > symptoms. > > I learned at Wellspring that psychosis can result from being traumatized > in a cult. Depression is also common among cult victims. Because so > little is known among mental health professionals about cult trauma, > victims are often misdiagnosed with manic depression, schizophrenia, or > some other mental illness. I spent 10 years of my life without getting > the proper help for the abuse I suffered in the TM movement. Getting to > Wellspring was an incredible relief for me because FINALLY I got the > help I needed. > > I'm on a good road now. I have an excellent therapist locally, who is > helping me continue to challenge the cult conditioning. I wish I could > say my life turned around immediately after Wellspring, but it's still a > hard road. I was in the TM movement nearly all of my adult life. It will > take time for me to recover. But I'm less depressed now. I have less > anxiety. I haven't had a single symptom of mania. I've been on > disability benefits for 3 years, having become so debilitated by my cult > experience I could no longer work. I'm now looking for a part-time job, > and feeling more capable of working than I have in years. I still have > difficulty making friends. I developed social phobia after leaving TM > because of the enormous betrayal I felt from my cult experience. I'm > slowly able to spend more time with friends, which is a good sign. > > I feel hopeful about my future, and know that I will recover completely. > I have a great deal of potential, that was thwarted and sidelined by my > time in the cult, but I'm confident now that I will find peace and > happiness in the years to come. > > > > > To subscribe, send a message to: > [EMAIL PROTECTED] > > Or go to: > http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/ > and click 'Join This Group!' > > > > -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- > YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS > >   a..  Visit your group "FairfieldLife" on the web. >     >   b..  To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: >    [EMAIL PROTECTED] >     >   c..  Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! 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