Very "mini," because both of these films fall into the "I was paid to watch these films and want to return the money so that I can get these four hours of my life back" category. Both suffer from the same indignity -- using a known actor hired to spend less than a day on-set filming his performance to help sell a worthless piece of trash by including his name in the credits.
The first instance of this was Bruce Willis, in a horrible, horrible, horrible film called "Setup." It seems to have been conceived as a vehicle for rapper 50 Cent, whose per- formance wasn't worth even a quarter. Willis sleepwalked through a bit part as a mob boss. The script was written by people who have clearly destroyed most of their brain cells smoking crack, and have no concept of either logic or entertainment. If someone offers to pay you to see this movie, turn them down. I wish I had, and I actually like Bruce Willis. Next on the agenda was the Dutch-made "Amsterdam Heavy," which used B-movie veteran Michael Madsen the same way that "Setup" used Bruce Willis. Madsen's part consists of about 2-3 minutes total screen time, with his character blathering away incoherently while firing up a big joint in an Amsterdam coffeehouse. My bet is that it was a real joint, and that he needed it to get through having to be in this piece of shit movie. The real "star" of this film is a nobody named Rik Sinkeldam. Suffice it to say that his acting is better than his skill at martial arts. This is not the compliment it may sound like. This film contains by far the worst-choreographed martial arts scenes in movie history; it could serve as a training film for how *not* to do martial arts. Avoid like the plague.
