I have both lived in Canada (Toronto) and driven most of it on road trips. This is really very funny, because it's accurate.
--- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, Tom Pall <thomas.pall@...> wrote: > > *Canada eh?!* > > TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA* > > 1. Vancouver : 1.5 million people and two bridges. You do the math. > 2. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is just 5 hours from downtown. > 3. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations. > 4. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on. > 5. Weed. > * > TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ALBERTA* > > 1. Big rock between you and B.C. > 2. Ottawa who? > 3. Tax is 5% instead of the approximately 200% as it is for the rest of the > country. > 4. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of. > 5. You live in the only province that could actually afford to be its own > country. > 6. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups. > * > TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN **SASKATCHEWAN* > > 1. You never run out of wheat. > 2. Your province is really easy to draw. > 3. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours. > 4. People will assume you live on a farm. > 5. Daylight savings time? Who the hell needs that! > * > TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN **MANITOBA* > > 1. You wake up one morning to find that you suddenly have a beachfront > property. > 2. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes. > 3. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter. > 4. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood. > 5. You can pass the time watching trucks and barns float by. > 6.The Jets are back! > * > TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN **ONTARIO* > > 1. You live in the centre of the universe. > 2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump. > 3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal election. > 4. The only province with hard-core American-style crime. > * > TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN **QUEBEC* > > 1. Racism is socially acceptable. > 2. You can take bets with your friends on which English-speaking neighbour > will move out next. > 3. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada ... > 4. You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo A*#!%!"? > * > TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN **NEW BRUNSWICK* > > 1. One way or another, the government gets 98% of your income. > 2. You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies. > 3. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick ... > 4. Everybody has a grandfather who runs a lighthouse. > * > TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN **NOVA SCOTIA* > > 1. Everyone can play the fiddle.. The ones who can't, think they can. > 2. You can pretend to have Scottish heritage as an excuse to get drunk and > wear > a kilt. > 3. You are the only reason Anne Murray makes money. > * > TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND* > > 1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island , you still got the big, > new bridge. > 2. You can walk across the province in half an hour. > 3. You can drive across the province in two minutes. > 4. Everyone has been an extra on "Road to Avonlea." > 5. This is where all those tiny, red potatoes come from.. > 6. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at night. > * > TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEWFOUNDLAND* > > 1. If Quebec separates, you will float off to sea. > 2. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse. > 3. The workday is about two hours long. > 4. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders to your wedding. > > * > The Official Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart:* > > 50 Fahrenheit (10 C) > Californians shiver uncontrollably. > Canadians plant gardens. > > 35 Fahrenheit (1.6 C) > Italian Cars won't start > Canadians drive with the windows down and still wear shorts and T-shirts. > > 32 Fahrenheit (0 C) > American water freezes > Canadians have the last cookout of the season > > 0 Fahrenheit (-17..9 C) > New York City landlords finally turn on the heat. > Canadians Girl Guides still sell cookies door-to-door. > > -60 Fahrenheit (-51 C) > Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. > Canadians pull down their earflaps. > > -109.9 Fahrenheit (-78.5 C) > Carbon dioxide freezes makes dry ice. > Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg. > > -173 Fahrenheit (-114 C) > Ethyl alcohol freezes. > Canadians get a day off of work to go tobogganing. > > -459.67 Fahrenheit (-273.15 C) > Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops. > Canadians start saying "cold, eh?" > > -500 Fahrenheit (-295 C) > Hell freezes over. > The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup >
