from the BatGap Blog: Jim Flanegin on October 1, 2011 at 2:22 pm said (commenting on www.batgap.com, Karen Richards interviewed by Rick Archer):
I really got a lot out of this interview. Because of Karen's career as a senior nurse, she is able to draw precise distinctions and clearly describe concepts regarding awakening. I remember when I was first beginning to meditate (TM), and being one who always preferred to learn from first-hand experience, I found it so refreshing to read or hear about something I had been experiencing, like another voice in the wild. Now, after waking up, not in hell actually, like some [Karen earlier referred to her experience of waking up in hell], but as a result of what I considered at the time a stressful time in my life, the pinnacle of my self-deceit (lol), the house of cards of conditioned beliefs, the incessant thought patterns, and endless checklists to support all of this flimsy "identity", collapsed, in about 45 minutes. Afterwards, I felt empty and at peace with myself for the first time in my life, where I could trust it, and knew I was meant to be here, now, it felt solid. The nothingness was solid, and continues to be. Oh yeah, and I have been to hell while fully awake, and it *still* pretty much sucks what would you expect, right? Last but not least, it is amazing to have this resource Rick, and all of your guests, to serve as a repository of scripture; transcendental truth. Thank you for providing it! Then I got a response on the Batgap Blog from chuckee, and responded: Jim Flanegin on October 2, 2011 at 9:53 am said: ** Hi chuckee, Thanks for your questions I copied your post below and answered in-line: chuckee: Hi Jim. I love your story. Do you think it happened because of the stressful time or did it just all of a sudden start to happen in such a way that it could have come anytime? ** It was during a time when I was trying my hardest to have a successful outcome (get hired at a company), as I understood the world, so the stress came from the near complete cognitive dissonance between what I thought I was doing, and what happened (didn't get the job, despite being convinced I was "one with god, etc, etc, etc"). My previous state was built out of experiences, but they were all misunderstood by the ego, misunderstood to be facets of my experience that I could will into being, in service to who I thought I was. chuckee: Was it like one insight that caught hold and then others came, and then it was like everything unraveled until it collapsed? ** I recall being in deep despair after I had been turned down for the job. There was a subtle sense that nothing I was doing was working. This grew in intensity for a couple of days as I recall. Then one morning, the final matchstick broke, and I was flooded with tears and perspiration for about 45 minutes a complete cleansing and washing away of everything I had sought so strenuously to keep in place. During that time a complete feeling of relief and surrender and letting go washed over me again and again, and I was in a state of blissful witness during the experience. I have been still and empty within myself since then. There was no way to return to the former edifice of matchsticks, and no desire to. Then my journey of discovery of life began anew. chuckee: Was it smooth all the way or did something just give way leaving void? Or was it more like something collapsed, then something else collapsed, and continued until done. Did you find it obvious, like; `wow this is always the way it is!'? God! You watched yourself unmanifest in 45 minutes! Was it kinda like that? Empty and peace, solid, and kick ass alive! Yes? And it continues. How long ago this happen? ** It was in the spring of 2005. And yes, the process of awakening very much continues. About six months into my initial awakening I was so blinded and overcome by my sense of relief and seeing the world as it is, free from my psychological suffering, that I did not notice that I still had a lot of work to do in continuing to awaken lol. The initial experience continued, the deep foundation of silence, the identification of Now as me, without anything else to grasp onto. And yet, having lived for awhile already, there were habits of thought and action that I was unaware of, and came into awareness of subsequently, and continuously. Now that I know such things are not me, it is easy to see them for what they are and modify them, or let them dissolve. chuckee: Do you find that it's much more than solid and trustworthy, in that it is your very being? Do you find it all quite funny? ** Yes, I find the whole thing ultimately meaningless and hilarious too. Then it is time to empty the dishwasher, or compose a song or do anything else that needs doing. Staying out of my own way has become both a science, uncovering that which needs to be seen, and an artform, living gracefully, moment to moment. And the moments seem to be getting both more granular and longer somehow. Now lasts forever. chuckee: I hope you don't mind me asking. I am curious. I know this experience, but it comes and goes in my case. I have no idea why other than because . ** Yeah, after you taste it for awhile, it becomes more and more familiar, to the point of not being able to live without it. chuckee: When you say going to hell still pretty much sucks. `Pretty much' is the qualifier isn't it? It's different isn't it? It's like the same, but didn't you find a `sweetness' in it all? Like watching it with love or something? ** The experience I was thinking about when I wrote that had to do with dreams I had several years ago where I would visit hell. It was basically what you would expect gross and disgusting. So I was talking more on the level of the senses. chuckee: I remember being in tears as a young man after my father told me I was useless, and I was happy/sad and filled with love for no reason other than being alive. ** Thanks for sharing that. Your dad was just projecting his own sense of worthlessness onto you. Too bad. Parents aren't often aware of the power they have over their kids. chuckee: boy i just felt that . thank you **Thanks
