Thanks Em, for sharing. (and thanks to Judy for the simple tip about cutting or copying links that aren't linkable onto the search bar on the top)
--- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, Emily Reyn <emilymae.reyn@...> wrote: > > Oh mon dieu.  Excusez-moi s'il vous plait.  Je suis desolee.  Merci beaucoup. > > Warning:  Read at your own risk > > I realize this is going to sound kind of schizophrenic but I am retiring my name and rebranding.  You can call me Emily or Em or Em-dash or whatever else. I have taken pity on myself and have taken Denise off the front lines for now - her own name is creating too much angst for her.  She doesn't want to represent at this time - she's experiencing PTSD and is going to start EMDR in January (yes, and will be meditating too).  Somebody needs to have that poor girl's back 24/7 in the real world - she's been having a rough go.  It occurred to me that that person has to be me.  Imagine that. I meditated yesterday and visualized her as a child and she is quaking in her boots.  And, bloodletting all over this forum is really not the right way to go for her. I'm only going to do it this last time - hopefully.  I have also let her know that nailing herself to the garage door or prostrating herself in front of her lawnmower won't improve her image in the > neighborhood.  So, Emily is stepping in to help her.  > > Obbajeeba, I am not holding your poor taste in video that morning against you in the slightest.  I will say that I much preferred the one with Ginger in it that Bob sent, care of his wife.  I know you didn't mean to set off such a reaction in me and it was a pretty good joke, objectively, I do agree.  I triggered heavily, which is actually a good thing, and I blame it all on the voodoo (see video at end of post).  I might have even had a wet dream just prior to the days' long rolling shame attacks that ensued.  Kind of like an ocean wave.  They are happening a lot these days.  I breathe through them and allow them to wash over me. It was very kind of you to think of me after I posted out and I don't want you to feel at all badly.  I'm moving forward and I do feel lighter :) > > To Bob's wife, I am extremely appreciative of your very fabulous response and I am letting go of any guilt I might be harboring subconsciously.  I am definitely not a threat in any way....and I look nothing like Cameron Diaz...so there is nothing to worry about there either.  Although I do hope to resemble Maria Bello in a year's time.  > > Bob is a lucky man, which we all know on this forum.  After hearing from you, he is even luckier than we might have imagined.  I unsubscribed soon after I posted and didn't see this until now.  I was thinking today that I should go back and check the thread but I've been too frightened.  I knew I lobbed one out there and then ran for my marmot hole. I always underestimate this forum - I was kinda hoping that if I didn't look, it wouldn't be there.  Again, not so.  > > I am almost convinced, not quite, but almost, on the TM.  Yes, I absolutely want the benefits exactly as you have described and never have I heard them so well put, may I add.  But, I'm not buying the whole "value" line of reasoning at the price its being offered - not at all - my subjective principles are at play :)  And, the remaining pennies in my piggy bank are being saved to buy me as much time off as I can get in the coming year.  I was hoping I could use the Leonard Cohen mantra - the secret of the universe - if you haven't seen the video I/Emily posted earlier, it's a good one - last two minutes for the mantra.  And he is so cute when he smiles.  But, now its out there and off limits.  I keep forgetting. > > I have discovered that a buddhist monk kind of a guy is living several doors down from where I live who is doing/teaching a meditation group.  I am getting his number, as for me, I want to believe in my current state of disrepair that meditation is meditation is meditation and that this practice will work as well as the next at this point in time.  My head is barely above water, after all.  Yes, I will pay, but its a nominal fee.  I did my own thing yesterday for 30 minutes and it totally changed my day, so I know there is something to this.  Hours of classical music are also helping.  My expectations are low, so I'm sure they'll be met. > > We all have a story.  I will keep this fairly brief but I was sexually assaulted 1.5 years ago by get this, a husband. His wife, my primary friend in the relationship, had left for their island retreat with the kids (one of them mine) and I sat down with a glass of wine to "shoot the sh*t" with her husband, who I hadn't seen in awhile, and who was staying behind.  In hindsight, he must have been drinking heavily throughout the day (he had a very high tolerance and it was hard to tell). In hindsight, they had invited me to their wedding anniversary at Teatro Zinzani the year before as they "weren't enjoying just spending time with themselves anymore."  In hindsight, he lost his mind.  It was a physical fight and he didn't get what he wanted at the time.  He apologized, but it was too late.  > > I cut off contact with both of them immediately.  I begged off dinner invitations. I forced myself through one ski day with my friend because I knew she had no idea.  I did the George Costanza line..."it's not you, it's me," which was also true in that I was full into my corporate death spiral at that time.  I asked myself, "What will be gained by me telling her?"  They were "do" friends - backpacks, ski trips, camping trips, dinners, parties...she didn't like to talk emotional anything.  We were always about the activity - our friendship was very "stereotypical male" in that regard.  But, I was already pulling away because I was turning into an emotional wreck and was having trouble pretending or getting the energy up to "do."  > > It would be excruciating; it would blow their marriage apart; it would blow our families apart; betrayal, pain, and suffering.  Our kids went to yoga together - why ruin their world?  It would be the end of the relationship anyway.  I agonized over this, because I am usually pretty direct and I like to think I am an honest person.  I asked myself as Bob likes to say, accept seriously in this case, "Was it something I said?" And then, "Was I giving off sexual energy in some way that he picked up on and thought I wanted back?"  "Was my vulnerability showing through?"  After all, it is always the woman's fault isn't it?  She asked for it, after all, didn't she?  I've known them for 10 years - nothing even resembling this kind of interaction or conversation had ever occurred. > > So, in the end, I determined it "wasn't on my dot."  It really wasn't my fault.  I couldn't take on being the one in the middle, bringing their problems to a focus at point blank range on my forehead. If she had been my best friend, I would have told the story, because I know she would have believed me and it would have been about honoring the friendship, first and foremost. But, she wasn't my best friend in that sense - she didn't own her feelings - she would have looked for someone to blame - it would have been me. I chose "situational ethics." So, you see, when that video was posted, I freaked out - even though it had absolutely nothing to do with any of you at all.  > > I am living in my "pain body" as Eckhart Tolle would say.  I know it; I have to stop feeding it.  I have a plan.  I need to keep it light here.  This post is not that light, but Emily is in charge now and she has better executive function, so there's hope for the future.  > > By the way, I created my name - "the Reyn part" based on the weather here, but see now nicely it dovetails with the video Raindrops Keep Falling....In the end, I really do blame it all on the voodoo.  > > And, luckily for me, I located some speakers for my laptop in my garage.  And, I hooked them up, and they work. > > http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jcr9_dCOusk > > > > > > > > ________________________________ > From: obbajeeba no_re...@yahoogroups.com > To: FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com > Sent: Friday, November 18, 2011 5:39 PM > Subject: [FairfieldLife] Re: Yo Denise > > >  > http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWMxX5MGuHI > > --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, Bob Price bobpriced@ wrote: > > > > > > > > http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_5l6rIUu4A > > > > > > ________________________________ > > From: Ravi Yogi raviyogi@ > > To: "FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com" FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com > > Sent: Tuesday, November 15, 2011 12:57:10 AM > > Subject: Re: [FairfieldLife] Yo Denise > > > > > > > > Nice to hear from "the wife" and glad to hear that you have given up all pretenses to reign in Bob and letting fat chance and old age do its work :-) > > > > > > > > On Nov 14, 2011, at 11:14 PM, Bob Price bobpriced@ wrote: > > > > > > > > >-Denise > > > > > >This is my first and (I hope to God) last post on Fairfield Life. I'm "the > > >wife". I asked Bob to let me send you a post, after he showed me this post > > >of yours. Bob shows me a lot of FFL posts, but the ones I enjoy the most are > > >yours and Judy's. I enjoy your posts because you have a great sense of humor > > >and do not take yourself too seriously, and I admire Judy for standing up to > > >some obvious sexism. > > > > > >Thank you for asking Bob to share your post with me; I appreciate you watching my > > >back. I wouldn't be too concerned though; I'm confident the chances of Bob > > >finding another brunette version of a Cameron Diaz doppelganger are about as > > >narrow as (I'm told) my very narrow ankles. Not that Bob isn't resourceful, > > >he's all of that, but as I'm sure you've guessed, he's getting a bit long in > > >the tooth. I agree with your take on the "after sex" video, according > > >to Bob, Obbajeeba was scraping the bottom of his nitrous oxide tank (I have no > > >idea what that means) and got a bit carried away. The only part of > > >this post that's Bob's is this link, which Bob insists is the link Obbajeeba > > >should have sent. > > > > > >http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDmCZar-MpA&feature=related > > > > > >I have no doubt you and I could keep up with Ginger, but Bob as Fred, maybe on his > > >keyboard. > > > > > >The reason I wanted to send you this post was to do something I've never done > > >before; recommend you get initiated into TM. I'm not a promoter of TM, and > > >unlike Bob, I've only been mediating for a couple of years. I've been following > > >your posts describing some of your recent health challenges. Based on the last > > >few years of meditating, it's been my experience that TM might just be the kind > > >of technique that would help you with the passage you are presently going > > >through. TM is subtle; it's been my experience that it unlocks something that's > > >already there; I like to think of it as a slight edge (no fireworks) like the > > >slight edge top performers have. I don't mean it makes everyone a top > > >performer, I don't believe it does; I believe it opens this edge of a little > > >more energy, a little more clarity and a little more happiness, and I believe > > >that slight edge makes many of the normal challenges life, throws at us, a lot > > >less daunting. I run my own company, and I've been impressed by how it helps me > > >when I should be running on empty. > > > > > >When I started a few years ago, I thought Bob was an idiot for not teaching me and > > >insisting I pay the 4 figures to get initiated. I wanted to know why the hell > > >he won't teach me, but he insisted I go to the TM center to learn (he said he didn't want > > >me to use it against him, if we ever ended up in court:). Since my first > > >meditation, I have not asked him why again. The point I'm trying to make is > > >that if you can manage the fee, I would not hesitate to recommend > > >you pay it. I can't honestly explain it, but for what it costs why mess with > > >the system, if it will help you find in yourself what you need to come out the > > >other side of what you're presently going through. It's also been my experience > > >(with your corporate background, I'm sure you know this as well) people value > > >what they pay for. And lastly, something happened when I went through the puja > > >the day I was initiated, it might just be me but something seemed to happen > > >between my initiator and me that made me feel she's on my side. I recommend you > > >get a female initiator, frankly, some of the male initiators seem a bit odd to > > >me, but then the guy I sleep with seems a bit odd to me at times, so what can I say. I > > >have no doubt; TM works, and it works well. > > > > > >I can't believe I just wrote this. > > > > > >Best of luck. > > > > > >________________________________ > > >From: Denise Evans dmevans365@ > > >To: FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com > > >Sent: Monday, November 14, 2011 2:03:23 AM > > >Subject: Re: [FairfieldLife] Yo Denise > > > > > >Thank you Bob: > > > > > >That is a great quote. > > > > > >My occipital lobe enjoys everything you post :) àMy frontal and parietal lobes struggle to keep up. àI forwarded the last one for later viewing. à> > > > > >My musical reply is posted at the end of this soliloquy. àà> > > > > >It has come to my attention that my "debt to equity ratio" is high - quite a bit higher than I'm comfortable with. àUltimately, I'm in search of the "win/win" solution for my Self - fantasy/hallucination or no. àI've got some "action items" I need to "own" and "implement". àI'm all about the client, you know, regardless. àIn that my current client is myself or Self, if you prefer, I'm just trying to "bring it on home." à> > > > > >I am "retooling" my strategy with my new client in mind. àI'm pretty sure I'll find that I'm no longer in the driver's seat, but I've done plenty of strategy in my life and I was pretty good at it in my particular line of work, so my Ego insists on trying to help. àAfter all, I had a lot of success - the clients were happy and so was I. àUnfortunately, hindsight tells me, it was all at the expense of my nervous system and other systems I was unaware of at the time. àWhoops. à> > > > > >Nothing was more gut-wrenchingly painful than watching myself self-destruct. àI was perched outside my body and staying objective, so I knew what was happening, but the forward momentum was stronger than my ability to stop it.à> > > > > >I made some critical errors along the way....I forgot to develop an exit strategy, for example. àI remedied this immediately upon realizing the error, but it was too late. I'd taken so many sucker punches and "hits" in the final years that my body/Self said: "No deal, not this time - I'm running the show now. I am removing you as CEO - you are out of touch and doing a crap job - there is no "value added" from your input." > > > > > >Luckily for me, the larger God/universe stepped in and gave me a way out - it only cost $36 million of our taxpayer dollars. àWith my last remaining strength, I dove for door. àI set up the meeting, I cleaned out my desk. àI moved everything I wanted to my car. àMy layoff was in the bag and I had a credible story to substantiate it. àWhen they walked me out, I hugged my manager and thanked her profusely. àAnd then, I went to bed. > > > > > >I am in serious recovery in every respect - I thank you for your part in helping move me from the "living dead" to à"hmmmm.....what is this?" Thank you for helping me get back in my body. àIt actually was an unintended consequence of me partaking in a medicinal variety by myself for the first time since high school. àI did an awful lot of dancing and you did help me stay tethered to the planet that night. I hope it was as good for you as it was for me. àPlease tell the "wife" everything - I'm sure she will understand, and for the fuckin' record, in case anyone on this forum is wondering, I don't mess around with married men ever (Sorry, I just had to say that because of that "after sex" video - can't let that lie there with no response. àWhat, in God's name will people think of me? àI'll be condemned and burned at the stake. àI like it hot, but not that hot.) à> > > > > >Phase II is "on deck." àIt's time to heal. My sister sent me a 2012 Burning Man calendar as a gentle nudge. àI don't know, looks pretty crazy to me. However, she is smarter than I am, so perhaps she knows best. àI took an IQ test today and while I am sure it's inaccurate, I am not as stupid as I thought. àDoes one need a high IQ to attend? àI am a bit of a sandbagger at times. àIn terms of reasoning, that is. Not sure what the larger intellect is doing. à> > > > > >Obbajeeba, if you read this, you have also been an enormous help to me and thank you so much for acknowledging my existence on the planet and finding me pretty men to look at. This is where I am starting. And that line about the crickets was priceless. à> > > > > >I'll be back later, if only to lurk and practice "silence" (Yeah, right). > > > > > >I leave you with my absolutely favorite song from one of the movies you posted a song about (I think). àThe all-time best of George Clooney. > > > > > >http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08e9k-c91E8&feature=related > > > > > >________________________________ > > >From: Bob Price bobpriced@ > > >To: "FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com" FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com > > >Sent: Sunday, November 13, 2011 2:45 PM > > >Subject: [FairfieldLife] Yo Denise > > > > > >Denise, > > > > > >IMO, you're one of the real delights on FFL. > > > > > >I thought you might enjoy the following: > > > > > >"The true object of propaganda is neither to convince or persuade, but to produce a uniform pattern of public utterance in which the first trace of unorthodox thought reveals itself as a jarring dissonance." > > > > > >-Leonard Shapiro > > > > > >http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46bBWBG9r2o > > > > > >http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbug5sM1T1w&feature=related > > > > > >http://c-realmpodcast.podomatic.com/player/web/2011-10-26T06_20_22-07_0\ 0 > > > > > >àààààààààààààààààààààà> > > > > àà> > >
