Jay Leno
“You can’t stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.”
“War continues in Iraq. They’re calling it Operation Iraqi Freedom. They were
going to call it Operation Iraqi Liberation until they realized that spells
‘OIL.’”
“Politics is just show business for ugly people.”
“Bob Dole revealed he is one of the test subjects for Viagra. He said on Larry
King, ‘I wish I had bought stock in it.’ Only a Republican would think the best
part of Viagra is the fact that you could make money off of it.”
“Some Democrats say the estimated $60 billion dollar cost of a war with Iraq
could be better spent at home. When he heard that, President Bush agreed and
announced plans to bomb Ohio.”
“Iraq began destroying those missiles they don’t have over the weekend. See,
President Bush may be the smartest military president in history. First, he
gets Iraq to destroy all of their own weapons. Then he declares war.”
“The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They don’t want their team to
be associated with crime. From now on, they’ll just be known as the Bullets.”
“The University of Illinois has hired 15 women to smell pig manure all day so
that researchers can find out what makes pig manure smell so bad. You know who
I feel sorry for? The woman who applied for this job and got turned down.”
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