Jamie,
I am
so sorry about Andy. Of course I remember you and Andy, and was hoping
that everything was OK with both of you (and of course your husband in the
Service). I really can't advise you, except to go with your
heart. Andy has been a lucky boy, and a suspect he knows
that.
Take
care,
Joan
-----Original Message-----
From: Jamie Laws [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
Sent: Saturday, May 21, 2005 11:24 PM
To: Felvtalk@felineleukemia.org
Subject: Remember me?Hi there. I was reading the archives and saw some familiar names so maybe some of you remember me. I was subscribed under my old email so "andyandmouse" may sound more familiar. Anyway, my name is Jamie and my Felv positive boy is Andy. I was an active member of the List (and used to administer the emergency fund) from about 1999 to maybe 2003 so I have been gone a while. As is normally the case, it is bad news that brings me back. As a refresher, Andy tested positive on Elisa in May 1999 and IFA in April 2000. Other than a quickly treated bout of Hemobartinella in the summer of 1999, he has been symptom free. Until recently.So, I noticed that he was getting gradually thinner about 6 months ago. He was still eating fine and his "potty habits" were normal so I didn't worry too much. But then he started throwing up that foamy white stuff every single day. Never food, just foam. So the vet had me feed him a little bit of canned food (to guarantee he'd eat) first thing in the morning and in the evening. The thought was maybe it was stomach acid. Well it didn't help. Then he started throwing up a little bit of food. Not eating a bunch, then throwing it all back up, but he would vomit up SOME of what he ate a few hours later. So back to the vet we went- about 6 weeks ago. This time it was a new vet at the clinic (bought out the practice- long story!). So he was pretty much telling me it was cancer. Blood work (CBC only) and x-rays (abdominal and chest) showed nothing at all. NOTHING. So the woman vet who was there when I picked him up acted like that was a GOOD sign but the man vet told me on the phone it was a BAD sign b/c it didn't rule IN anything else. And of course lymphoma is not 100% detectable without biopsy. At this point, I really don't think Andy is strong enough to be sedated to even HAVE a biopsy! But she put him on Prednisone, which I had my serious doubts about, but tried it. It did seem to help him out, but of course that's what Pred does. Then you pay the piper so to speak for that quick fix. That brings us to right now. He was looking worse and worse so I took him to an entirely new vet practice last Tuesday. She did not want to do more x-rays or blood work on him right now b/c he does need sedation to draw blood and she was afraid to even use the gas on him right now. To put it in perspective, Andy is normally about 12-14 pounds. He is a big cat anyway. On Tuesday he weighed just over 7 pounds. He is a rack of bones. Ok, I had been giving him baby food at night to fatten him up but ran out on Sunday night. At that time he DID eat on his own. I can't recall actually witnessing him eat after that point. But Tuesday evening he would not eat and would not drink water. This is a cat who sits by my dogs and begs while I cook. My other 2 don't do that. And he eats ANYTHING so it's a big deal to me that he won't eat. He acted interested, like sniffing and stuff, but would not eat. I tried warming up tuna fish, baby food, A/D, milk, kitten replacement milk, cream sauce from dinner the night before. You name it. NADA. So I syringe fed him baby food and water. That did stay down but he didn't put up much of a fight which is odd. She has him on Metronidazole in the morning and Barium at night. I just syringe that down him to coat his stomach. I like her because she said "there is no medical reason why that should help, but sometimes it does so we'll try it." I mean I like that b/c she is willing to try things that are off the beaten path. We discussed perhaps trying Immunoregulin but she wanted to do one thing at a time. But it's been 5 days and he is no different. He just sits in the closet or under the bed doing that shallow breathing. And he growls at me when I walk in the room now b/c he knows I am going to force feed him or medicate him and that KILLS me. On top of that, I think he is having seizures. When he gets real worked up he does this throaty growl and just goes limp. His head flops down and his jaw is clamped shut and all of his limbs go right out in front of him totally stiff. Then he sort of snaps out of it and looks around confused. So I don't know what's up with that. I just keep waiting for a sign to let him go. I told my husband today that if it were someone else's cat I would be telling them to put it out of it's misery, but I can't be objective here. I keep thinking I can try just one more thing. She said the Pred probably upset the bacteria in his tummy so I am giving him acidopholus. I also gave him some Pepcid at the vet's instruction. Oh, guess I forgot to mention the tar-like diarrhea and that as of Friday he pukes up anything I syringe him, except water. So I have him ONE dropper of the cat milk replacement stuff, waited a little bit, and give him one more. So far that has stayed down. So I don't know if it's the baby food being too rich or just that I gave him too much at once. But again, Tuesday-Friday morning he kept down 5 syringes in the morning and another 5 at night. Now he can't.Any thoughts here? Do I need to just let him go? At this point I cannot afford to have giant vet bills, but I want to do all I can for him. I just don't see spending thousands of dollars on a 7 year old cat who has been Felv positive for at least 6 years. And I don't see making him spend days at the vet or making tons of trips back and forth. That is more of a concern than the money. If these are his final days I don't want them to be spent at the vet or even at home being poked, prodded and forced to eat. I have said all along I will not let that cat suffer when this day came. Now look at me. I am allowing him to sit in a closet feeling God knows what kind of pain, probably eaten up with cancer that no one can detect, and starving himself to death.Woo hoo. Welcome back Jamie aka "Debbie Downer" from SNL! Sorry guys- I am just feeling very angry right now so I am being sarcastic and bitter. This sucks. Thanks for listening though. I have always felt so supported here and I hope it's still the same vibe- and I'm sure it is. I hope all of your babies are doing well. I am almost scared to go through archives because I am afraid of what I will find there.Jamie__________________________________________________
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