Dear Melissa... If you had asked me in May '03 after I lost my first FeLV+ kitten at 8 mos., I would have told you I could not imagine anything worse, and my heart still aches for my precious and brave little Purrsia. I can also tell you that without the info and support I received from becoming a member of this list, I don't know how I would have coped because I sure wasn't getting much info or encouragement from any of the vets I talked to. Purrsia's playmate, Angel Eyes, subsequently tested positive and it seemed she would be one of the lucky ones who could live with the virus long term, then she suddenly crashed and I lost her at 16 months.
After going through that heartbreak, twice, how or why would anyone in their right mind be willing to do this again?? As others have noticed and mentioned, there was something incredibly special about those kittys. I'd been rescuing kittys for almost 17 years and had never had to deal with FeLV. I understand now how incredibly lucky I had been all those years. Perhaps these ill-fated kittys know their lives with us will be short and because we take them in and don't give up but love them just the same, they are determined to make their time with us as meaningful as possible. Through caring for those two kittens, even though I lost them, I learned a lot and it inspired me to try and learn MORE so that I might be able to better help other such ill-fated kittys that come into my care. For me to just give up and walk away because it hurt so much to lose those precious furkids and because dealing with FeLV is both frustrating and agonizing at times, would have been a waste of the lessons those two kitty souls gave their lives to teach me. There are many people who are kind hearted enough to rescue homeless kittys, foster them and find loving forever homes to adopt them. But there are so few places that an FeLV+ kitty can go, too few people willing to take them in. I've learned how to care for cats with FeLV and I've experienced the worst in losing them...it can't get any worse. I don't have the $$ resources to go to extreme measures on their behalf as some people might, but it would seem that providing a healthy, natural diet, immune support and keeping their lives as stress free as possible are about all we can really do for now to try and keep them stable. We have no control over their genetic inheritance or whether or not the FeLV-A which infects all kittys who test positive will mutate to one of the more virulent subgroups B, C or B+C. Yes, there is always that knot at the bottom of my heart waiting for the other shoe to drop, and hoping it won't. But as Karolyn so aptly put it in explaining why she takes in only positive kittys now, and when one passes that makes room for another ill-fated kitty soul who might otherwise have no place to go and be PTS, all we can do is LOVE THEM ONE DAY AT A TIME. It may be for just weeks, or months or if we are lucky for many years. Surely these kittys are just as deserving of being loved and cared for as cats which are not so afflicted. I now have three positives among my 20 feline residents and if I could get all my healthy rescues adopted, I would be able to take in more positive kittys. I've found that for what these kittys take in terms of extra care and meds, they give so much more in return. If I can help other kittys who may not otherwise have a chance for any kind of life, that is the legacy of Purrsia and Angel Eyes who will always have a very special place in my heart. I've learned so much since joining this talklist and I am determined to keep on learning. One of these days maybe I'll have learned enough to write a book to help dispell some of the misinformation and enlighten others about what should be widely well-known about the disease. Perhaps I can enlighten others to the fact that for a cat to be FeLV+ should not be an automatic death sentence and cause to discard an otherwise loved and loving pet. And of course we are all praying that eventually a cure will be found, or in the least a reliable treatment that can keep infected kittys stable and prevent the virus from mutating. Bring on that cheesecake! Sally in San Jose
