I had given him 1/2 dose of the tranquilizer I had here about 3 hours earlier, maybe more. It was only supposed to last one hour, even at full dose. I think he was unconscious the whole time, though it was hard to tell because his eyes were open but they can be under this tranquilizer. About 1/2 hour ago, while waiting for Gray to get home with more steroids, which I had decided to try as a last resort since getting his blood test results from Thursday and finding out that he likely was having an auto-immune response and killing his own red blood cells. he had already gotten large doses of steroids, but there was a disagreement as to whether he should get 1/2 cc or 1 cc of depo and he had gotten only 1/2. So gray went and got another 1/2 cc from someone I know who had it. when he got back, Simon still seemed unconscious. I suggested I give him the dep and then we turn him over. I gave him the depo shot sub-q. he did not move, but a second later his stomach mildly convulsed twice and he stopped breathing and was gone.
While gray was gone, after reading an email about this, I put my hands on Simon and told him it was ok to go if he needed to. That was probably about 10 minutes before he went. It was very peaceful and fast, but also kind of shocking as I would have thought he would have cried or had open-mouthed breathing before passing away, and he did not. I guess because he was tranquilized. I do not see how a sub q shot of steroids could have had any medical effect within a second or two, but it is hard not to think that my poking him with the shot made him pass away, as he did so immediately afterwards. I was trying to help him, but I was giving him more than the oncologist had recommended (I had done so a month ago also, and figured if I had not disobeyed instructions then he would not have rebounded) and it is hard not to feel it pushed him over the edge. Harder than that, though, is the thought that the last thing I did before he died was stick him with a needle. And that he had not crashed until I took him to the vet on Thursday, and crashed even more after his ordeal at the oncologist's on Friday. Had I known he really was going to die, I would never have put him through that. I had considered not going to the oncologist and just giving him steroids at home, and wish that I had. The oncologist had said there might be something they could do, that maybe a transfusion would help him or he might have a bleed that could be stopped, but all I did was torture him. His leg is all bruised from the vet on Thursday not being able to draw his blood, and I know he fought catheterization for the transfusion we tried to give him so hard that he needed to be given oxygen. I will never forgive myself for that. If he is somewhere, I hope that he forgives me. Thank you for all your prayers and support. if you believe Simon still is somewhere (I myself do not know), please pray that he is ok and happy. I have had a lot of cats, but he was possibly the most special. We called him our dog-cat, because he acted so much like a dog, but with a naughty cat's naughtiness. I will miss him so much and can not believe he is gone. Michelle
