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Original Sender : "M Fahmi Aulia" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
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Well.....HAPPY NEW YEAR 1999 !! Let's we enjoy a lot of jokes !! He he he.....B^)
*** Jokes begin ***
source : Jokes4U
Marooned
=--=
An ambitious yuppie finally decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a
Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life.
Until the boat sank.
The man found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people,
no supplies...Nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.
After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most
gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him. In disbelief, he asks her,
"Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
"I rowed from the other side of the island," she says. "I landed here when my
cruise ship sank."
"Amazing," he says. "You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with
you."
"Oh, this?" replies the woman. "I made the rowboat out of raw material I found
on the island; the oars were whittled from gum tree branches; I wove the
bottom from palm branches; and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus
tree."
"But-- but, that's impossible," stutters the man. "You had no tools or
hardware. How did you manage?"
"Oh, that was no problem," replies the woman. "On the south side of the
island, there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found if I
fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile
iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware." The guy
is stunned.
"Let's row over to my place, " she says. After a few minutes of rowing, she
docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks onto shore, he nearly falls
out of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow
painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an
expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumbstruck.
As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it
home. Sit down please; would you like to have a drink?"
"No, no thank you," he says, still dazed. "Can't take any more coconut juice."
"It's not coconut juice," the woman replies. "I have a still. How about a Pina
Colada?"
Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on
her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman
announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like
to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the bathroom
cabinet."
No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There, in the
cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow
ground edge are fastened on to its end inside of a swivel mechanism. "This
woman is amazing," he muses. "What next?"
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines--strategically
positioned-- and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit
down next to her. "Tell me," she begins, suggestively, slithering closer to
him, "we've been out here for a really long time. You've been lonely. There's
something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been
longing for all these months? You know..." She stares into his eyes.
He can't believe what he's hearing: "You mean-- ?", he swallows excitedly, "--
I can check my e-mail from here...?"
[comment : bwa ha ha.....]
===
A Bris?
=--=
Two little kids were in a hospital laying next to each other. The first
kid leaned over and asked, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid said," I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little
nervous."
The first kid said, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done
to me once. They put you to sleep and when you wake up they give you
lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a piece of cake!"
The second kid then asked, "What are you in here for?"
The first kid responded, "Well, I'm here for a circumcision."
The second kid said, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn't
walk for a year!"
[comment : hik...hik...hik...]
===
[sorry if U've ever heard this...]
Is your computer male or female?
=--=
As you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being
Female (e.g., "Steady as she goes", or "She's listing to starboard,
Captain!").
Recently, a group of computer scientists (all males) announced
That computers should also be referred to as being female. Their
reasons for drawing this conclusion follow:
Five reasons to believe computers are female:
1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other
computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. The message "Bad command or file name" is about as
informative as, "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm
certainly not going to tell you".
4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory
for later retrieval.
5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
However, another group of computer scientists (all female) think
That computers should be referred to as if they were male. Their
reasons follow:
Five reasons to believe computers are male:
1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
2. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the
time they are the problem.
3. As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had
waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
5. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.
===
Proud Dads
=--=
Four guys are telling stories in a bar. One guy leaves for a
bathroom break. Three guys are left. The first guy says, "I was worried
that my son was gonna be a loser because he started out washing cars for a
local dealership. Turns out that he got a break, they made him a
salesman, and he sold so many cars that he bought the dealership. In fact,
he's so successful that he just gave his best friend a new Mercedes
for his birthday."
The second guy says, "I was worried about my son too because he
started out raking leaves for a Realtor. Turns out HE got a break, they
made him a commissioned salesman, and he eventually bought the real
estate firm. In fact, he's so successful that he just gave his best
friend a new house for his birthday."
The third guy says, "Yeah, I hear you. My son started out sweeping
floors in a brokerage firm. In fact, he's so rich that he just
gave HIS best friend a million in stock for his birthday."
The fourth guy comes back from the can. The first 3 explain that
they are telling stories about their kids, so he says, "Well, I'm
embarrassed to admit that my son is a MAJOR disappointment. He started out as a
hairdresser and is STILL a hairdresser after 15 years. In fact, I
just found out that he's gay and has SEVERAL boyfriends. But, I try to
look at the bright side: his boyfriends just bought him a new Mercedes,
a new house, and a million in stock for his birthday."
[bwa ha ha.....]
===
The Rules of Chocolate
=--=
If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands,
you're eating it too slowly.
Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries
all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store
in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the
edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.
If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge.
Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate
to protect themselves.
If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is
that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?
Money talks. Chocolate sings.
Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.
Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?
A. Because no one wants to quit.
Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today.
That way, at least you'll get one thing done.
A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake
of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?
If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer.
But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?
***
source : Daryl
A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says,
"Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"
The mother says, "It's my daughter Darla, she keeps getting these cravings,
she's putting on weight and is sick most mornings."
The doctor gives Darla a good examination then turns to the mother and
says, "Well,I don't know how to tell you this but your Darla is pregnant -
about 4 months would be my guess."
The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left
alone with a man! Have you Darla?"
Darla says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"
The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five
minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out
there doctor?"
The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything
like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came
over the hill. I'll be darned if I'm going to miss it this time!"
***
source : Dina
"Hey, I just heard you can download the entire Tyson-Holyfield fight
from the Internet," one boxing fan mentioned to another.
"Really?" said the other man. "How much memory does it take up?"
"Very little," replied the first man. "Just a byte."
***
source Humor Shack's Daily Joke (via Virrie)
Satu kelompok orang dari Chicago menghabiskan satu minggu di Las Vegas untuk
berjudi. Salah satu dari mereka memenangkan uang sebesar $100.000. Tetapi ia
tidak menginginkan teman teman yang lain tau akan kemenangannya, maka ia
memutuskan untuk pulang sendirian dengan pesawat pertama pukul 03.00 dini hari.
Sesampainya dirumah ia langsung membawa uangnya ke halaman belakang dan
menguburnya di bawah pohon besar yang berbatasan dengan halaman tetangganya.
Pada keesokan harinya ia mendapati lubang tempat ia menyimpan uangnya telah di
gali orang dan uang itu hilang....dan ia melihat ada jejak kaki yang mengarah ke
rumah tetangganya yang kebetulan adalah seorang tuna rungu. Pada jalan yang sama
tinggal seorang profesor yang mengerti bahasa tangan si tunarungu, maka ia
mengambil pistolnya dan meminta profesor itu untuk ikut bersamanya ke rumah si
tuna rungu.
'Anda katakan pada orang ini, jika ia tidak mengembalikan uang $100.000 saya yang
ia curi, maka saat ini juga ia akan saya bunuh', teriaknya pada sang profesor.
Setelah itu sang profesor enerjemahkannya ke bahasa tangan kepada temannya,
temannya dengan ketakutan menjawab 'Uang itu saya kubur di bawah pohon Cherry di
halaman belakang'.
Sang profesor membalikkan tubuhnya ke arah pria dengan pistolnya dan berkata 'Ia
lebih baik mati dari pada memberitahu anda dimana uang anda berada'........
[comment : prof keparat, he he he....]
***
source : achmady
A: Don't study!
B: Why not?
A: Well, the more you study the more you know, right?
B: Yes.
A: And the more you know the more you forget, right?
B: Yes.
A: And the more you forget the less you know, right?
B: Yes..
A: So don't study! :-)
***
source : Public Jokes
Pada masa pemerintahan Kaisar yang berlangsung selama 32
tahun ,prinsip demokrasi Pancasila menurut Kaisar adalah yang
paling tepat digunakan oleh Bangsa Indonesia , dan sesuai dengan
adat istiadat bangsa kita dijalankan dengan baik . Dalam kurun
waktu tersebut Kestabilan Nasional betul betul terjaga , baik dari
segi keamanan , politik dan ekonomi .
Tidak pernah terjadi pertentangan yang berat diantara banyak
suku bangsa maupun golongan yang ada di Indonesia , mereka yang
berlainan Agama ataupun Kepercayaan dapat hidup tentram dan damai
bahkan saling hormat menghormati diantara mereka . Begitu juga untuk
golongan yang beraliran politik berbeda dapat hidup selaras dan saling
bahu membahu diantaranya .
Bahkan suku – suku bangsa yang banyak berbeda sudah
saling berasimilasi dan bekerja sama dengan tentram , yang diujung
Barat dapat bekerja sama dengan baik dengan yang diujung Timur ,
dengan semboyan Bhineka Tunggal Ika , bersatu kita teguh bercerai kita
runtuh.
Tetapi selain hal itu ternyata ada semacam “ unwritten law
yang tidak pernah diketahui orang dan diterapkan oleh Kaisar
lewat para Mahapatih dan Senapatinya yang sangat setia dalam membela
Kaisar dan sudah menjadi rahasia umum untuk mereka melaksanakannya
dengan konsekwen dan tanpa kecuali yang penting BKB ( Biar Kaisar
Bahagia ) .
Apa sich unwritten law itu . ? ,
1. Jangan berpikir
2. Jika sudah berpikir , jangan berbicara
3. Jika sudah berpikir , sudah berbicara , jangan menulis
4. Jika sudah berpikir , sudah berbicara , sudah menulis , jangan
tanda tangan
5. Jika sudah berpikir , sudah berbicara , sudah menulis , sudah tanda
tangan , jangan terkejut
***
source : Public Jokes juga...
[X]
Kaisar pusing berat saat itu , situasi negara sedang dilanda
kemelut yang berkepanjangan . Mahasiswa mulai ber-demonstrasi ,
Kurs Mata Uang Lokal terpuruk terus , Harga Sembako cenderung tetap ,
maksudnya tetap naik terus , Para Menteri-nya sudah berupaya untuk
mengendalikan harga agar tetap dapat terjangkau oleh rakyat kecil.
Masyarakat sudah mulai mempertanyakan bisnis yang dikerjakan oleh Para Putra
Mahkota , semakin
tambah pusing lagi karena rakyat mulai mengutik utik harta kekayaannya .
Saking pusingnya dia memanggil Supir Pribadinya , dan berpesan
pada Para Cantrik-nya untuk tidak memberi tahu siapapun juga bahwa
dia ingin istirahat di Puri Kediaman Pribadi Kaisar yang terletak di
lereng Gunung Lawu Aku tidak ingin resmi resmian , Aku ingin
beristirahat sejenak , demikian titah Kaisar kepada Para Cantriknya .
Sesampainya disana , dia menghirup nafas dalam=dalam ,
terasalah kesegaran alam merasuk kedalam dadanya . Tetapi yang namanya
lagi pusing , tetap aje kepikiran juga semua masalah yang terbentang
dihadapan matanya .
Akhirnya dia memutuskan untuk bermeditasi dikeheningan alam Gunung
Lawu , siapa tahu dapat Wangsit supaya bisa memecahkan semua
persoalan yang sedang dihadapinya.
Menjelang Maghrib mulailah Kaisar duduk dialam terbuka dan agak
jauh dari Puri tempat kediamannya , mulai bermeditasi .
Sebelumnya dia perintahkan para jegger untuk berjaga jaga agak jauh
dari tempat dia bermeditasi . Pelan-pelan dia pejamkan matanya untuk
menenangkan pikiran dan bersatu dengan alam .
Dalam keremangan senja ditambah kesenyapan alam Gunung Lawu
sebentar saja dia sudah merasakan keheningan yang sangat
menyejukkan perasaan .
Cukup lama keheningan menyelimuti suasana tempat Kaisar bermeditasi ,
sayup - sayup terdengar bisikan halus ditelinganya , Bangunlah Anakku
, buka matamu , katakanlah kepadaku apa yang kamu inginkan , suara
seorang perempuan lembut menembus telinganya . Kaisar kaget dan
tidak percaya terhadap pendengarannya , dia berkonsentrasi lebih khusuk lagi,
sampai dia mendengar suara yang sama menembus kedalam telinganya .
Kaisar membuka matanya perlahan-lahan , bukan main
terkejutnya ,dihadapannya berdiri seorang perempuan yang hampir
sebaya dengan dirinya sedang tersenyum manis kepadanya . Jika
dilihat dari profilnya , Kaisar setuju kalau wanita yang sedang
berdiri dihadapannya , waktu muda pasti cantik sekali , hanya sayang
pakaiannya agak lusuh dan kotor , sehingga menimbulkan aroma yang
kurang sedap . Belum hilang rasa terkejutnya ,perempuan dihadapannya
berkata lagi , Apa yang sedang kau risaukan Anakku
, ceriterakanlah kepadaku , aku bersedia membantumu , untuk
menyelesaikan semua persoalanmu sampai tuntas , tapi syaratnya kamu
bersedia memenuhi satu permintaanku .
Kaisar tertegun , kemudian dia berkata pada perempuan yang
ada dihadapannya , Ampun Ibunda Peri , tolonglah aku agar bisa
keluar dari semua persoalan yang kuhadapi , Aku bersedia memenuhi
permintaanmu itu .
Kaisar menceriterakan semua persoalan yang dihadapinya , setelah
selesai dia bertanya pada perempuan yang berdiri dihadapannya ,
Sekarang semua persoalan sudah Hamba ceriterakan , Apakah permintaan
daripada Ibunda Peri sebenarnya ? . kata Kaisar .
Kamu harus mau tidur bersamaku , jika sudah selesai nanti , Aku
bersedia meyelesaikan semua persoalanmu , kata perempuan tua itu .
Kaisar kaget , tetapi tenang kembali dan berpikir , ah apa susahnya
sih yang penting kan dia mau membantuku dan mau menyelesaikan semua
persoalan ku , masalah tua dan agak bau. yach saat ini nomor dua lah
, toch dia juga bukan manusia , siapa tahu nanti waktu main
penampilannya bisa berubah seperti Cleopatra, pokoknya yang penting
gua nggak mau pusing dach,.. ?!?!
Singkat cerita =93mainlah=94 Kaisar dengan perempuan tua itu
dialam terbuka . Setelah selesai , saat perempuan itu sedang membetulkan
kainnya, Kaisar bertanya , Ibunda Peri , sekarang bagaimana
aranya menyelesaikan semua persoalanku itu ? . Perempuan itu
tertawa dan bertanya pada Kaisar , Anakku , berapakah sebenarnya umurmu
sekarang .. ?
Sudah cukup juga Ibunda Peri , 73 tahun , jawab Kaisar .
Perempuan itu tertawa makin keras dan menjawab , Lho .koq sudah
tua masih percaya sich kalau ada Peri . Perempuan itu bangkit ,
sambil tertawa dia segera berlalu dan berkata pada Kaisar , Terima
kasih Anakku, rupanya walaupun sudah tua kamu ternyata masih boleh
juga .. hi.. hi .. hi
Mendengar jawaban tsb Kaisar kaget berat dan jatuh pingsan .
***
source : Tom Gemble
Seorang profesor memberikan tes akhir di kelasnya. Dia membagikan
tes itu dan menunggu hingga mereka selesai. Ketika bel tanda
berakhirnya ujian itu berbunyi, kertas-kertas ujian dikumpulkan.
Profesor itu melihat ada 2 lembar uang Rp.50.000, yang dijepretkan
dengan selembar kertas ujian, dan bertuliskan : SERIBU RUPIAH UNTUK SATU
ANGKA.
Minggu depan, sang profesor mengembalikan kertas ujian. Dan siswa
yang menyogok itu mendapat kembalian, Rp. 72.000,-
***
source : Schala007
The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally
ran up, panting heavily.
"Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little
late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down,
found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now
I'm here."
The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was
here so he let the G.I. go. Moments later, eight more G.I.s came up to the
general panting, he asked them why they were late.
"Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but
missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse
but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."
The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first
guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth G.I. jogged up to the General, panting
heavily,
"Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but
missed it, I hailed a cab but..."
"Let me guess," the General interrupted, "it broke down."
"No," said the G.I., "there were so many dead horses in the road, it took
forever to get around them."
***
source : alex
Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in the Ladies Room,
there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and
tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie,
*POOF* you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen
again.
A redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies Room and stands
before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the
world." *POOF* The mirror swallows her.
Next, a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think
I think I'm the sexiest woman alive! *POOF* The mirror swallows her.
Then an absolutely gorgeous blond comes in and stands before the mirror and
says, "I think..." *POOF*
[comment : bwa ha ha....]
***
Source Irene Mystery
"The Breakfast Pig"
This rather stupid (blonde?) guy goes to a party
without his wife. He hears another guy say to HIS wife,
"Pass the sugar, Honey" and "Pass the honey, Sugar."
He thinks this sort of speech is a neat idea. So, the
very next morning at breakfast, he says to his wife,
"Pass the bacon, Pig."
***
[another version]
source : Superjokes
Top 10 reasons computers must be male:
============================
10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
9. A better model is always just around the corner.
8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
7. It is always necessary to have a backup.
6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
3. The lights are on but nobody's home.
2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
1. Size does matter
***
source : Mak Dosen
How do you make babies?
A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom,
guess what? We learned how to make babies today."
The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool.
"That's interesting," she said, "How do you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change y to i and add es."
===
One day, a guy dies and finds himself in Hell. As he is
wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with a demon.
Demon: "Why so glum, chum?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in Hell."
Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down
here. You a drinkin' man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's
all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, bear, wine coolers;
we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more."
Guy: "Gee, that sounds great."
Demon: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it."
Demon: "All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest
cigars and cigarettes from around the world and smoke our
friggin' lungs out. If you get cancer, it's okay... you're
already dead!"
Guy: "Oh, man! This is too much!"
Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact I do."
Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps,
blackjack, horse races, you name it. We even opened up a pai gow
poker table."
Guy: "Gosh, I never played pai gow before..."
Demon: "Well now you can. You like to do drugs?"
Guy: "Yes, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."
Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a
great big bowl of crack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine.
You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's
okay... you're already dead!"
Guy: "Neat! I never realized that hell was such a swingin'
place!"
Demon: "You gay?"
Guy: "Uh, no."
Demon: Oooh, you're gonna hate the weekends."
***
source : Chris Ward
A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes.
He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this
breathalyzer tube."
The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that,
I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood
sample."
"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
"Well, then, we need a urine sample."
"I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that,
I'll get really low blood sugar."
"All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
***
source : Chris Ward
A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money,
she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind
a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid.
Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under
the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the
playground. Signed, A Blonde."
The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent
him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the
blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting
beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found
the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this
to a fellow Blonde?"
***
source : Laugh A Lot (via Mak Dosen)
Waiter: Tea or coffee, gentlemen?
1st customer: I'll have tea.
2nd customer: Me, too. And be sure the glass is clean!
(Waiter exits, returns)
Waiter: Two teas. Which one asked for the clean glass?
~~~
Waiter, this coffee tastes like mud!
Of course, sir, it was ground only a few minutes ago.
***
source : Joshua
Hey, let's attempt the following questions on "WHO IS BIGGER"?
before scrolling down for the answers... don't cheat!
Part 1
=====
There is a man whose surname is BIGGER. His name was John and he was known as Mr
John Bigger. Mr Bigger met a gorgeous lady, Lucy and decided to marry her. They
soon have a kid and they named him Mikky. The question: WHO IS BIGGER? Is it Mr
Bigger, Mrs Bigger or Mikky???
Answer: Mikky - becos' he is a "little" Bigger.
Part 2
=====
It was tragic that Mr Bigger got into an accident and he passed away leaving
behind his wife, his son Mike. Mrs Bigger subsequently met a new man; dashing and
caring towards both of them. The best part was that this man bears the same
surname as her ex-husband which was "BIGGER". She decided to
marry him.
The question: WHO IS BIGGER? Is it Mrs Bigger, Mike Bigger or the new man in Mrs
Bigger's life - the new Mr Bigger?
Answer: Mrs Bigger - She is now "twice" Bigger.
If you answer the first question correctly, your IQ is of Mensa standard. If you
answer the second question correctly, your IQ is above average and could run a
country. Lastly, if you have both the answers wrong - Congratulations! You are
normal!
***
source : Tom Gemble
Sebuah badai menghantam perahu yang ditumpangi oleh seorang bos dan
anaknya, yang hendak pergi berlibur. Perahu itu hancur
berkeping-keping, tapi kedua penumpang ini selamat, berhubung mereka
membawa pelampung.
Setelah terapung berjam-jam dan dilanda rasa putus asa, sang anak
mulai berkeluh kesah, "Ayah, saya rasa kita tidak akan selamat."
"Oh, tenang saja. Pasti ada yang menyelamatkan kita !"
"Kok ayah optimis? Siapa sih yang ingin mencari-cari kita di tengah
samudra yang luas ini ?"
"Para karyawanku ! Gaji mereka bulan ini belum sempat saya bayarkan."
***
source : Boy W
Berbagai jenis bidang dunia usaha telah dikuasai keluarga Soeharto, dari
jalan Tol, Otomotif, perkebunan kelapa sawit, minyak bumi dan
lain-lain. Ini sudah bukan rahasia umum lagi.
Terlepas dari penggunaan kekuasaan atau bukan, memang kalau kita amati
mereka ini sangat ulet.
Pada setiap upacara pembukaan usaha tersebut, selalu
Soeharto lah yang diminta membukanya serta memberi sambutan. Memang
demikian akrabnya antara anak, mantu dan cucu-cucunya,sehingga hal
kecilpun barus beliau.
Ada satu bidang yang sebenarnya sangat potensial, harga cukup stabil,
dan marketnya sangat bagus karena semua orang
menggunakan produk ini. Yaitu KANCING.
Mereka nampaknya tidak tertarik, hingga saat ini beliau belum memiliki
usaha ini. Setelah kita amati ternyata hanya faktor sepele yang membuat
mereka tidak menjamah bidang ini.
Mereka hanya takut atau malu karena Soeharto tidak dapat mengucapkan
kata 'KAN'. Apabila dalam upacara pembukaan pabrik dilakukan oleh
Soeharto, mungkin para undangan akan ketawa karena yang diucapkan :
" ....... dengan ini pabrik Kencing saya buka ..."
***
source : Joyo Pranoto
Dua orang sahabat (emils dan habib) dengan berjalan terhuyung-huyung
karena mabuk memasuki sebuah bar.
Karena hanya ada sebuah kursi yang kosong mereka berebut mendudukinya,
sampai mereka bertengkar hebat.
Emils : "kursi itu,...akulah yang berhak mendudukinya....!"
Habib : "ha ha ha...enak aja..akulah yang pertama melihatnya..jadi
akulah yang berhak!!"
Mereka terus bertengkar, sampai akhirnya datang bartender mencoba untuk
menengahi.
Bartender : "sesuai peraturan di bar ini, bila ada pertengkaran harus
diselesaikan dengan cara masing-masing harus meminum air kencingnya.
yang terbanyak meminum dialah yang menang!"
Habib : "setuju.! aku duluan yang mulai..!"
Kemudian habib membuka celananya dan kencing ke dalam satu gelas bir
penuh.lalu diminumnya sampai habis!
Habib : "ha ha ha.. aku pasti menang, sekarang giliranmu Emils"
Dengan tenang Emils menjawab : "baiklah kau yang menang"
lalu ngeloyor ke luar bar.
*** End of Jokes ***
Wassalam,
Haiyaaa...kamsia yah !
Engkoh Fahmi téa lah !
UIN : 1660558
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