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F R I E N D S H I P
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Original Sender : "M Fahmi Aulia" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
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Sorry banget, jokesnya muncul lagi di awal minggu. Ada sedikit masalah
dengan harddisk *dan pribadi, hehehe...*, dan untungnya sudah rebes....B^)
O, ya, kalo ada yg mau daftar di milis bodor, ketik email ke:
bodor-subscr?[EMAIL PROTECTED] *tanda ? diganti dg huruf i, sengaja dibuat
demikian, takut kena filter, hehehe..*
Oke...tanpa banyak cingcong, enjoy the jokes...B^)
*** Jokes begin ***
source: Aulia P
MALE STAGES OF LIFE
AGE DRINK
17 beer
25 vodka
35 scotch
48 double scotch
66 cod liver oil
AGE SEDUCTION LINE
17 My parents are away for the weekend.
25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35 My fiancee is away for the weekend.
48 My wife is away for the weekend.
66 My wife is dead.
AGE FAVORITE SPORT
17 sex
25 sex
35 sex
48 channel surfing
66 napping
AGE DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 "tongue"
25 "breakfast"
35 "She didn't set back my therapy."
48 "I didn't have to meet her kids."
66 "Got home alive."
AGE FAVORITE FANTASY
17 a winning goal after the whistle
25 sex in an aeroplane
35 menage a trois
48 taking over the company
66 Swiss maid/Nazi love slave
AGE WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17 25
25 35
35 48
48 66
66 17
AGE IDEAL DATE
17 Triple horror special feature at a drive-in
25 "Split the cheque before we go back to my place"
35 "Just come over."
48 "Just come over and cook."
66 Sex in the company jet on the way to Las Vegas.
THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE
AGE DRINK
17 Wine Coolers
25 White wine
35 Red wine
48 Dom Perignon
66 Shot of Jack Daniels with a Napkin chaser
AGE EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
17 Need to wash my hair
25 Need to wash and condition my hair
35 Need to color my hair
48 Need to have Stefan color my hair
66 Need to have Stefan color my wig
AGE FAVORITE SPORT
17 shopping
25 shopping
35 shopping
48 shopping
66 shopping
AGE DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 "McDonalds"
25 "Free meal"
35 "A diamond"
48 "A bigger diamond"
66 "Home Alone"
AGE FAVORITE FANTASY
17 tall, dark and handsome
25 tall, dark and handsome with money
35 tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
48 a man with hair
66 a man
AGE WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED
17 17
25 25
35 35
48 48
66 66
AGE IDEAL DATE
17 He offers to pay
25 He pays
35 He cooks breakfast the next morning
48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
66 He can chew breakfast
***
source: CNET
: 10. Top Ten Outstanding (and Obscure) Cases Against Microsoft
:
: Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson ruled that Microsoft violated the
: Sherman Antitrust Act by maintaining its OS monopoly through
: anticompetitive means, by attempting to monopolize the browser
: market, and by tying Internet Explorer to Windows. But Jackson
: wasn't done there. He has yet to rule on the following lesser-
: known cases:
:
: 1. Hair Stylists v. William H. Gates: Bill's hair violates the
: Paul Mitchell Anticurl Act
: 2. U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service v. Microsoft: Microsoft's
: predatory behavior decimated Redmond's deer population.
: 3. Parker Brothers v. Microsoft: Microsoft's monopoly violates
: Monopoly.
: 4. World Wildlife Fund v. Microsoft: "Microsoft's Arctic
: Wonderland" at the Seattle Zoo violates penguins' rights.
: 5. U.S. Patent and Trademark Office v. Microsoft: By linking IE
: with Windows, Microsoft quashed innovation, except with
: regard to Navigator, Amaya, Mosaic, Arachne, 1X Browser,
: NeoPlanet, HotJava, Opera, and Lynx.
: 6. Open Source Initiative v. Microsoft: By controlling the OS
: market, Microsoft quashed innovation, except with regard to
: Linux, BeOS 5, OS X, Unix, FreeBSD, NewDeal Release 3.2, and
: Solaris.
: 7. Major League Baseball v. Microsoft: By engaging in predatory
: pricing practices, Microsoft quashed innovation, forcing Ken
: Griffey to move to Cincinnati.
: 8. Fourth-Grade Teachers of America v. Microsoft: Microsoft's
: use of the term "Explorer" violates the rights of the heirs
: of Vasco da Gama, Cortez, and Magellan.
: 9. Department of the Treasury v. Microsoft: Gates and Ballmer
: monopolized $1,000 bills.
: 10. Martha Stewart v. Microsoft: That perky, animated paper clip
: violates good taste.
***
source: Ruslan
Seorang penjual mobil2 antik,sedang menawarkan mobil2 kunonya
Penjual : Mau beli mobil apa, Pak?
Pembeli : Eh, anu...VW kodok yg tahun 70-an. Ada gak??
Penjual : Ooo...ada..ada...hargnya Rp 50 Juta
Pembeli : Kok mahal sekali, yah??
Penjual : Soalnya itu produk yg paling bagus yg pernah muncul. Tapi kalo mau
yg murah juga ada, kok!! VW baru, harganya Rp 2 Juta saja..
Pembeli : Waaah...murah banget VW tahun berapa, tuh??
Penjual : VW baru keluar...Belum jadi kodok masih " KECEBONG "
[makan tuh vw murah, kekeke...]
***
source: Carol Lugg
A woman was leaving the corner convenience store with her morning coffee
when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby
cemetery. A long, black hearse was followed by a second long, black hearse
about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking
a pit bull on a leash. Behind her were 200 women walking single file.
The woman couldn't stand the curiosity. She respectfully approached the
woman walking he dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now
is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this.
"Whose funeral is it?"
The woman replied, "Well, that first hearse is for my husband."
"What happened to him?"
The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."
She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"
The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband
when the dog turned on her."
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women.
"Could I borrow that dog?"
"Get in line."
[busett....beginilah kalo hubungan dg mertua tidak harmonis, hehehe...]
***
source: Iwan H
An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her
then-four-year-old daughter. On the way to preschool, the doctor had left
her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began
playing with it.
"Be still, my heart," thought my friend. "My daughter wants to follow in my
footsteps!"
Then the child spoke into the instrument: "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take
your order?"
[kayaknya si dokter pernah magan di McD, yah??]
***
source: Kenny
[X]
Cewek dan Musik
-----------------------------------------------------
Rico : " Eh Dun, cewek tuch ada tipe-tipenya lho ? "
Edun : " Apaan aja, tuch ! "
Rico : " Tipe Cewek Musik. "
Edun : " Cewek Musik artinya apa ? "
Rico : " Mungil Tapi Asyik ! "
Edun : " Oooo . . . . . kalau Cewek Gitar ? "
Rico : " Gigitannya Bikin Gemetar. "
Edun : " Cewek Biola ? "
Rico : " Bibir Olah Raga Tangan Merajalela. "
Edun : " Cewek Suling ? "
Rico : " Suka Di pakai Pengganti Guling. "
Edun : " Cewek Dram ? "
Rico : " Dramatis dan Kejam. "
Edun : " Cewek Piano ? "
Rico : " Pikun Agak Norak. "
Edun : " Cewek Terompet ? "
Rico : " Teraombang-ambing Karena Kepepet. "
Edun : " Cewek Bas ? "
Rico : " Betah Aduh Sedot ! "
[ma'af, gak ada maksud melecehkan perempuan,....]
***
source: Dian
DOCTOR'S JOKE.
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours
to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! Thats terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad
news?
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
===
A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE: "Doctor, I have an ear ache."
2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."
1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2000 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"
***
source: Jarot
Suatu hari terjadi percakapan antara Bago dan Bodo :
Bago : Gimana caranya merubah Telur menjadi nanas ?
Bodo : Mana mungkin, gila kali lu!
Bago : Mau tau caranya? Ambil sebutir telor, terus direbus. Selagi masih
panas, kasihkan tuh telor sama anak kecil umur tiga atau empat taun. Terus
kamu tanya: Nak, kamu bawa apa, tuh? Dia pasti jawab: Nanas, nanas, nanas!
***
source: ada deehh, heheehe.. *lupa, sih!*
Eko lagi puter2 desa bawa mobil barunya, biasa OKB *orang kaya baru*.
Biarpun jalan kagak rata, nyamuk main tancap aja...alhasil "bruk" nabrak
kambing deh dia.
Merasa bertanggung jawab Eko cari pemiliknya,"Pak, saya mau mengganti
kambing jantan bapak."
"Ooh, silakan nak...kambing betinanya ada dikandang...tapi jangan keburu
nafsu ya nak, soalnya agak sensitif.. "
[hehehe...jadi pejantan, yah?? kekeke...]
***
source: Hiihopes
Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a result seldom
had guests. He was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with
two dinner guests from the office.
When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the kitchen and
proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father who
passed it to a guest. Little Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and
gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest.
This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, "It's no use, Dad. The pieces
are all the same size."
***
source: Hutch
Hutch
Suatu sore, di sebuah restoran biasa yang lagi ramai pengunjung....seorang
bapak setengah baya... masuk sendirian dan mengambil tempat duduk yang
kosong.... Beberapa saat kemudian datanglah pelayan restoran cowok...maka
terjadilah dialog berikut..:
Pelayan : "Selamat malam, mau pesan apa pak..?"
Bapak :" oh ya...saya pesan nasi goyeng ya.. satu...."
Pelayan: : ( oo ..jadi bapak ini orang cadel ya....ok aku kerjain aja
deh...). Ma'af pesan apa pak.... Kurang jelas...?
Bapak : Nasi goyeng.....
Pelayan : ooo..nasi goyeng ,..tho...!
Bapak : @#$%........(hmm kurang ajar...awas ya....)
Pelayan pun berlalu mengambilakan pesanan sang bapak tadi sambil
senyum-senyum penuh kemenangan. Ketika menyajikan pesanan tsb, sambil
senyam-senyum pelayan tadi mempersilakan untuk menikmatinya :
Pelayan : "silakan Pak, dinikmati nasi goyengnya...hi...hi...hi.." (sambil
cengar-cengir....)
Bapak : (awas $$##%^4)
Akhirnya sang bapak menyantap hidangan yang tersedia, walau hilang selera
dan kacaunya hati karena dendam.
Selesai makan sang bapak pulang rumahnya. Sepanjang perjalanan dia berfikir
bagaimana caranya membalas si pelayan tadi. " Kalo begitu
penyelesaiannya adalah bgm aku bisa ngomong nggak cadel lagi lalu akan aku
tunjukkan pada pelayan gemblung itu ...", kata sang bapak dalam hati."
Baiklah aku akan berlatih ngomong yang normal ", tekadnya dengan
semangat.Setelah itu sepanjang perjalanan dan sampai di rumah, sang bapak
belajar ngomong " nasi goreng". Diucapkannya kata2 itu berkali-kali, "
Nasi goyeng....nasi goyeng.....nasi goyeng....". Dari sore itu sampai
menjelang fajar, sang bapak belajar terus sampai tidak tidur dengan
kata-kata yang sama. "nasi goyyeng...nasi goyeng....nasi goyyeng..."
Ketika sudah pagi, sang bapak tiba-tiba bisa ngomong, " nasi gorrrrreng...".
Itu saja dilakukanya dengan intonasi yang sangat kuat dan susah payah.
Akhirnya lancarlah sang bapak mengucapkan kata2 "nasi goreng", kemudian
dihafalkannya kata2 itu berkali2. "Nasi Gorrreng ...Nasi Gorreng .,....nasi
gorreng......", terdengar sang bapak sedang menghafalkan.
Sore harinya, dia merasa sudah mantap sekali mengucapkan kata2 nasi gorreng,
walaupun harus dg intonasi yg kuat. Maka bergegaslah sang Bapak menuju ke
Restoran yang sama seperti kemaren, dg niat mau ngerjai sang pelayan. Ketika
sampai di restoran, dia duduk dg tenang di kursi yang kosong tapi
disekitarnya ramai orang lagi makan. Dia sengaja memilih tempat duduk itu,
biar semua orang tahu bahwa dia tak cadel lagi. Ketika sang pelayan melihat
sang bapak, dia pun bergegas mendekati dg senyum yang dibuat2.
Pelayan : "pesan apa Pak....? Mau nasi goyeng lagi ya...? "
Bapak : " oo ...saya tidak pesan nasi goyeng ....tapi NASI
GORRRENG...!!!",( jawab sang bapak dengan mantap dan intonasi yang kuat..)
Pelayan : ....dalam hati...(oo...bapak ini sudah bisa bicara normal
ya....? oo... ya....ya..)
Sang pelayan mukanya agak pucat setelah mengetahui bhw sang bapak sudah
bisa menyebut nasi goreng. Lalu dia bertanya dg agak sopan ....
Pelayan : "minumnya apa pak....?"
Tanpa rasa bersalah dan dengan volume suara yang keras sang bapak menjawab
Bapak : .......ES JEYUKKK....!!!
[beribu ma'af utk orang cadel]
***
source: Cybercheeze
Kisah orang2 blo'on
-------
(1)
A woman rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few items. She headed for
the express line where the clerk was talking on the phone with his back
turned to her.
"Excuse me," she said, "I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?"
The clerk turned, stared at her for a second, looked her up and down, smiled
and said, "Not bad."
[dasar o'ooon...]
(2)
>From a passenger ship, everyone can see a bearded man on a small island who
is shouting and desperately waving his hands.
"Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain.
"I've no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes nuts."
[lebih blo'on, kan?? hehehe....]
***
source: RavenMan
[translated]
A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the
lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow
into this breathalyzer tube."
The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do
that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."
"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to
death."
"Well, then, we need a urine sample."
"I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do
that, I'll get really low blood sugar."
"All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
***
source: Nodyak0 (via kolonel)
An English teacher was explaining to his students the concept of gender
association in the English language. He stated how hurricanes at one time
were given feminine names and how ships and planes were usually referred to
as "she".
One of the students raised his hand and asked, "What "gender" is a
computer"?
The teacher wasn't certain which it was, so he divided the class into two
groups, males in one, females in the other, and asked them to decide if a
computer should be masculine or feminine. Both groups were asked to give
four reasons for their recommendation.
The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the
masculine gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they
ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a
little longer, you could have had a better model.
The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be
referred to in the feminine gender because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later
retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half
your paycheck on accessories for it.
*** End of Jokes ***
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