=========================== F R I E N D S H I P =========================== Original Sender : "M Fahmi Aulia" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> ---------------------------------------------------------------- Enjoy the jokes...!! B^) *** Jokes begin *** source: .....*lupa* Hari sudah malam ketika Joni kembali kerumahnya. Dilihatnya isterinya sedang berbaring di ranjang tanpa sehelai benang pun di tubuhnya. Dan ia sudah hendak naik ke ranjang, ketika pada asbak yang terletak di atas meja di sisi ranjang itu, Joni melihat sebatang cerutu yang masih menyala. "Bagus ! Bagus ! " katanya dengan geram sembari berteriak. "Kalau kau tidak memberitahukan dari mana cerutu ini, maka akan kubunuh kau !" Tiba-tiba dari kolong ranjang terdengar suara menyahut,"Oke..Oke...cerutu itu dari Havana !" *** source: idem...lupa..X^P Dua orang penerjun bermaksud memecahkan rekor dunia dengan melakukan penerjunan bebas dan membuka parasut hanya beberapa meter dari tanah. Mereka melompat keluar pesawat di ketinggian hampir 3000 meter. Ketika altimeter menunjukkan jarak sekitar 100 meter dari tanah, seorang diantara penerjun itu berseru kepada temannya, "Sekarang ?" Temannya menjawab, "Jangan, jangan. Nanti saja !" Beberapa detik kemudian orang yang pertama tadi kembali bertanya,"Sekarang ?" "Jangan dulu. Nanti saja !" jawabnya sambil berteriak. "Sekarang saja !! Ini tinggal dua meter !!!" kata penerjun yang pertama. "Astaga ! Mengapa kamu takut jatuh dari ketinggian dua meter ?" tanya temannya. *** source: masih lupa...sorry... It was little Johnny's first day in a new school, so his father looked up the teacher. He told her that little Johnny was a good kid but that he was an avid gambler. He warned her that little Johnny might win lunch money from the other kids if he was not watched closely. The teacher did not seem disturbed, assured the father that she had handled many such problems and was very capable of taking care of little Johnny's urge to gamble. Shortly after lunch, the father called the teacher and asked her how things were going. "Oh, everything is going very well." She said. "I think I may have cured little Johnny of his gambling habit." The father asked her what had happened. "The little tyke absolutely insisted on betting me ten dollars that I had a mole on my rear." She said. "I finally agreed to the bet and took him to the teacher's lounge to show him that I had no mole." "Damn!" The father said. "He bet me fifty dollars this morning that he would see the teacher's ass before the day was over." *** source: Qzoet Suatu ketika ada tiga orang wanita menemukan botol di tepi pantai, dan setelah dibuka keluarlah jin yang telah terperangkap selama ratusan tahun, sebagai balas jasa, itu jin akan mengabulkan satu permintaan dari tiap wanita tsb. First Woman: "Aku minta 25% lebih kuat dari sebelumnya (Jin pun mengerjapkan mata) Wow... aku bisa mengangkat batu besar sekarang " Second Woman: "Aku minta 50% lebih kuat dari sebelumnya" (Jin pun mengerjapkan mata) "Hei... aku lebih kuat dari kalian semua,.!!!" Third Woman (melihat teman2nya jadi kuat, dia pun enggak mau kalah):"Aku ingin 100% lebih kuat dari sebelumnya " (untuk terakhir kalinya Jin mengerjapkan mata) Dan alangkah shocknya wanita pertama dan kedua karena wanita ketiga telah berubah menjadi "Pria". *** source: Emma [joke ini kebalikan dari yg di atas] Suatu ketika ada tiga orang laki2 menemukan botol di tepi pantai, dan setelah dibuka keluarlah jin yang telah terperangkap selama ratusan tahun, sebagai balas jasa, itu jin akan mengabulkan satu permintaan dari tiap laki2 tsb. First Man : " Aku minta 25% lebih pintar dari sebelumnya ( Jin pun mengerjapkan mata ) Wow... aku jadi tahu lebih banyak hal sekarang " Second Man : " Aku minta 50% lebih pintar dari sebelumnya " ( Jin pun mengerjapkan mata ) " Hei... aku lebih pintar dari kalian semua,.!!! " Third Man ( ngelihat teman2 jadi pintar, dia pun enggak mau kalah ) : " Aku ingin 100% lebih pintar dari sebelumnya " ( untuk terakhir kalinya Jin mengerjapkan mata ) Dan alangkah shocknya Laki2 pertama dan kedua karena laki2 ketiga telah berubah menjadi " Perempuan " *** source: Little Broo *** Never Love a Software Engg.*** When Software Engineers get Married? Never Love a Software Engineer. Husband : ( Returning late from work ) "Good Evening Dear, I'm now logged in." Wife : Have you brought the grocery ? Husband : Bad command or filename. Wife : But I told you in the morning Husband : Erroneous syntax. Abort ? Wife : What about my new TV? Husband : Variable not found ... Wife : At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping. Husband : Sharing Violation. Access denied ... Wife : Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being funny ? Husband : Too many parameters ... Wife : It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you. Husband : Data type mismatch. Wife : You are a useless nut. Husband : It's by Default. Wife : What about your Salary ? Husband : File in use ... Try after some time. Wife : Who was in the car this morning ? Husband : System is unstable. Press CTRL + ALT + DEL to Reboot. Wife : Are you going to drink a wine ? Husband : File system is full. Wife : What is relation between u and your Receiptionist? Husband : Only user in my WRITE group. Wife : What is my value in the family. Husband :Unknown Virus *** source: Pyropunk The newlyweds were suffering from exhaustion and after an examination, their doctor advised, "It's not unusual for young people to overdo things during the first weeks of marriage. What you both need is rest. For the next month I want you to limit your sex life to those days of the week with an "R" in them. That is, Thursday, Friday and Saturday." Since the end of the week was approaching the newlyweds had no immediate difficulty following the doctor's orders. But on the first night of scheduled rest the young bride found herself eager as a beaver. Hubby fell asleep, but she tossed and turned and finally nudged her spouse into partial wakefulness. Expecting daylight, and confused with the darkness, he asked, "What day is it honey?" She looks at him with a gleam in her eyes and says, "Mondray." *** source: Cybercheeze The crumbling, old church building needed remodeling, so the preacher made an impassioned appeal, looking directly at the richest man in town. At the end of the message, the rich man stood up and announced, "Pastor, I will contribute $1,000." Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder. He promptly stood again and shouted, "Pastor, I will increase my donation to $5,000." Before he could sit back down, plaster fell on him again, and again he virtually screamed, "Pastor, I will double my last pledge." He sat down, and an larger chunk of plaster fell hitting him on the head. He stood once more and hollered, "Pastor, I will give $20,000!" This prompted a deacon to shout, "Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again!" *** source: Rio [X] Seorang lelaki muda pergi ke dokter dan mengatakan bahwa ia ingin kawin, tapi ia sangat khawatir dengan ukuran alat vitalnya yang begitu kecil. Dokter menyarankan agar dia pergi berlibur ke sebuah peternakan, dan beberapa kali dalam sehari mencelupkan alat vitalnya ke dalam susu serta membiarkannya dijilat sapi. Demikianlah, beberapa bulan kemudian secara kebetulan lelaki itu bertemu kembali dengan dokternya. "Bagaimana dengan perkawinan anda itu?" tanya dokter. "Oh, dokter, saya tidak kawin. Tapi sapi itu saya beli." *** source: Lysta [X] Sepasang kekasih yang hendak menikah sedang berkencan. Cewek berbisik pada kekasihnya, "Sekarang waktunya kita saling jujur agar kelak kita tidak kecewa." Cowok mengangguk. "Sesungguhnya dada saya rata..seperti papan...kalau kau tidak suka katakan saja. Kita bisa batalkan rencana pernikahan ini. Saya siap menghadapinya", kata cewek. Cowok dengan lemah lembut menjawab, "Itu tidak masalah. Bagiku seks bukanlah hal yang penting, Tetapi cinta kasih" Cewek pun lega mendengarkannya. "Saya juga perlu mengatakan sesuatu sejujurnya padamu.", sambut cowok. Cewek mengangguk tersenyum. "Sesungguhnya 'anu' saya seperti bayi...", kata cowok. "Sstt...sudahlah itu tidak soal. Bagiku seks bukanlah hal yang penting. Tetapi cinta kasih.", sahut cewek. Cowok pun lega mendengarkannya. Malam pengantin tiba. Cewek mulai membuka baju dan tampaklah dadanya yang memang..memang...benar-benar rata. Cowok hanya tersenyum melihatnya. Kemudian cowok mulai membuka celananya sehingga tampaklah 'anu'nya. Melihat itu cewek menjerit dan pingsan. Setelah siuman si cewek bertanya, "Kau katakan punyamu seperti bayi...?" "Yah memang seperti bayi, panjang 50 cm dan berat 3 kg" *** source: Koen Karena gencarnya berita di semua media massa dunia mengenai kebakaran hutan di Indonesia dan dampaknya terhadap lingkungan, maka PBB mengutus seorang pejabatnya untuk meninjau on-the-spot akibat kebakaran hutan tersebut. Utusan PBB itu kemudian mengunjungi negara-negara Asia Tenggara. Di Malaysia, ia mendengar keluhan banyak penduduk yang sakit karena ASAP TEBAL. Di Singapura, ada keluhan bahwa frekuensi penerbangan di bandara Changi merosot drastis karena ASAP TEBAL. Di Brunai, sekolah dan kantor ditutup karena ASAP TEBAL. Di Thailand, kehidupan malam praktis mati karena semua orang memakai masker untuk menghindari ASAP TEBAL. Sekembalinya di Mabes PBB, dengan dikerumuni ribuan wartawan surat-kabar, radio, televisi bahkan paparazzi, pejabat PBB tersebut menyatakan: "Lu semua jangan omong macam-macam, saya sudah meninjau kesemua negara Asia Tenggara, dan semuanya mengatakan ACCEPTABLE!!!" *** source: Dina "Mum, teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school." "That's nice of her to take such an interest, dear. What did she say when you told her you are the only child?" She just said, "Thank goodness!" *** source: Mawar A chemical engineer, an accountant and a government worker are arguing about who has the smartest dog. The engineer calls his dog and says "Liter, do your stuff." Liter goes to the lab, grabs a beaker in his mouth, sets it on the floor, grabs a pitcher of water and pours exactly four ounces of water into the beaker, without spilling a drop. The accountant smiles and says, "Good, but watch this." He calls his dog and says," Abacus, do your stuff". Abacus goes to the kitchen, pulls out a bag of cookies, opens it and counts out six, which he arranges on a piece of paper, without breaking or eating any. The government worker sneers and yells out "Coffee Break, go for it." Coffee Break come in, eats the cookies, drinks the milk, takes a dump on the paper, sexually molests the other dogs, complains that in doing so has strained his back, lodges a hazardous working conditions complaint, files for disability and goes home on sick leave. *** source: Kuntjoro Mr Singh is appearing for his University final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "Sir, I am only following the instructions," he says, "it says here, 'Answer the following questions in brief'." ********************************************************************** The doctor told Mr Singh that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would lose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Mr Singh called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem. "What's the problem?" asked the doctor. "I'm 2400 kms from home." ********************************************************************** Mr Singh was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column SEX. He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote THRICE A WEEK. On seeing this in his application form, he was told that it was wrong and what they wanted it to be filled was either MALE or FEMALE. Mr Singh thought for a long time before coming up with the answer............ PREFERABLY FEMALES. ********************************************************************** Mr Singh was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column "Salary Expected" He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After,much thought he wrote : YES ********************************************************************** Kudip Singh and Ranjit Singh were always boasting of their parents achievements to each other. Kudip Singh : 'Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?' Ranjit Singh : 'Yes, I have' Kudip Singh : 'Well, my father dug it.' Ranjit Singh : 'That's nothing, have you ever heard of the Dead Sea? ' Kudip Singh : 'Yes, I have.' Ranjit Singh : 'Well, my father killed it.' ********************************************************************** Kudip Singh and Ranjit Singh were sitting on a tree and Kudip Singh was singing a song. After 4 songs, Kudip Singh hung himself upside down and started singing again. Ranjit Singh asked: "Kudip Singh, What is the matter with you? Why are you hanging upside down?" Kudip Singh :" I am singing the side B." *** End of Jokes *** - koh fahmi - ---------------------------------------------------------------- Friendship MailingList is provided by PT Centrin Utama Maintained by : [EMAIL PROTECTED] To Post a msg : Mail to [EMAIL PROTECTED] To Unsubscribe : Mail to [EMAIL PROTECTED] . BODY : unsubscribe <Mailing List Name> For more information, send mail to [EMAIL PROTECTED] with "HELP" in the BODY of your mail (without quote). ----------------------------------------------------------------
