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F R I E N D S H I P
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Original Sender : "M Fahmi Aulia" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
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Hallo...
Setelah salah ketik, errr...mudah2an yg ini tidak salah ketik lagi,
kekeke...X^P
Well...happy weekend and enjoy the jokes..!! B^)
*** Jokes begin ***
source: lupa
"Wanita di mata Rudi Choirudin"
Rudi Choiruddin, Juru masak dan pembawa acara "Selera Nusantara di RCTI,
ketika diminta komentarnya tentang wanita mengatakan bahwa wanita itu ibarat
makanan, ada banyak tipe dan rasanya.
1. pertama, tipe rendang padang. Wanita ini judes, galak, pedas omongannya,
tapi jujur, apa adanya. Mau menangnya sendiri tapi juga mau menolong orang
lain, paling nggak dengan cara negor kejelekan orang tersebut.
2. kedua, Tipe bubur ayam. Kalu baru kenal orang ini ramah, hangat,
bersahabat. Tapi kalau udah lama jadi dingin dan hambar.
3. ketiga, tipe sayur bening. orangnya lugu, polos, nggak neko-neko, nggak
romantis, tapi perlu juga sebagai penambah vitamin. Bisa dinikmati waktu
panas maupun dingin.
4. keempat, tipe kepiting rebus. Tipe ini keras luarnya, tapi dalamnya
lembut dan nikmat. Jadi harus perlu kesabaran dan kekuatan (paksaan) untuk
menghancurkan kulit luarnya. Barulah dapat dinikmati kenikmatan daging di
dalamnya.
5. kelima, tipe asinan Bogor. Perlu kalau kita lagi suntuk, karena orangnya
mengasikkan. Bisa membuat mata dan hati menjadi segar kembali.
6. Keenam, tipe babat goreng. Wanita ini kenyal, susah dipahami, tapi kalau
sudah lama kenal jadi ingin nambah lagi karena rasanya yang gurih dan
nikmat.
Dari berbagai tipe wanita di atas, kata Rudi yang penting bukan suka atau
enak yang mana karena semua makanan itu sama enaknya dan manfaatnya. Jadi
supaya sehat, nasehat Rudi selanjutnya kita harus menikmatinya semuanya.
Kalau dikejar waktu (umur) makan aja bubur ayam yang hangat. Cepat
membuatnya. Kalau abis patah hati makan asinan Bogor supaya segar kembali.
Jadi sesuaikan dengan waktu dan kebutuhannya.
Tetapi, ungkap Rudi sebagai penutup, jangan semuanya dimakan sekaligus. Bisa
bisa bukan jadi sehat malah sakit perut. Selain itu khan juga berat di
ongkos....
***
source: Revill
1. Women are unpredictable. Before marriage, she expects a man, after
marriage she suspects him, and after death she respects him.
2. There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he
would go thru hell for her. They got married-and now he is going thru hell
because of her.
3. A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife Wanted". Next day, he
received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing : "You can have
mine."
4. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of
one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
5. It's easy to tell if a man is married or not. Just watch him drive a
car with a woman sitting beside him. If both his hands are on the wheel, you
can sure he is married.
6. A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The letter said, "If you
don't promise to send us $100,000, we promise you we will kidnap your wife."
The poor man wrote back, "I am afraid I can't keep my promise but I hope you
will keep yours."
7. "What's the matter, you look depressed." "I'm having trouble with my
wife." "What happened?" "She said she wasn't going to speak to me for 30
days." "But that ought to make you happy." "It did, but today is the last
day."
8. "Darling," whispered a frail little husband from his chair. "I'm very
sick, would you please call me a vet?". "A vet? Why do you want a vet and
not a medical doctor?" the wife replied. "Because I work like a horse, live
like a dog, and have to sleep with a silly cow".
***
source: Iskandar
[X]
Sepasang pengantin baru terpaksa berpisah sementara waktu karena sang suami
mendapat tugas keluar kota.
Suatu malam, terdorong rasa rindu yang amat sangat, sang istri menelpon
suaminya. Mereka pun segera larut dalam percakapan yang mesra dan intim.
"Mas, saking rindunya, aku sekarang memakai kemeja warna putih yang biasa
kamu pakai untuk bekerja. Rasanya seperti berada dalam dekapanmu".
Sang suami pun segera menyahut, "Kalau begitu sama dong, aku sekarang sedang
memakai bra dan celana dalam warna hitammu yang sexy itu".
***
source: lupa
Seorang anak bertanya kepada ayahnya :
Anak : Ayah, apakah orang cerdas selalu menjawab dengan kata 'mungkin'
sedangkan orang idiot selalu menjawab dengan kata 'pasti'?
Ayah : Pasti nak ! Eh..mungkin.
***
source: Eko S
Data ilmiah berharga.
Kedua hal yang disebutkan di bawah merupakan usulan unsur untuk ditambahkan
pada tabel periodik (dari kelas kimia):
NAMA UNSUR: wanita
SIMBOL: Xx
BOBOT ATOM: jangan pernah ditanya.
SIFAT FISIKA: biasanya berbentuk teratur. Mendidih tanpa sebab dan dapat
membeku kapan saja. Meleleh ketika diperlakukan dengan baik. Sangat pahit
jika salah penanganan.
SIFAT KIMIA: sangat aktif. Sangat tidak stabil. Dapat berikatan kuat dengan
emas, perak, platinum, dan batu berharga. Mudah menguap bila dibiarkan
sendiri. Dapat menyerap sejumlah besar makanan enak. Berubah hijau bila ada
spesimen yang lebih bagus di sebelahnya.
KEGUNAAN: sangat ornamental. Katalis yang sangat baik untuk menghabiskan
kekayaan. Kemungkinan merupakan reduktor penghasilan paling kuat yang pernah
diketahui.
PERINGATAN:: mudah meledak di tangan yang tidak berpengalaman.
NAMA UNSUR: pria
SIMBOL: Xy
BOBOT ATOM: 180 +/-50
SIFAT FISIKA: padatan pada suhu kamar, tapi mencair dengan mudah. Kadang
padat kadang lembek. Sulit untuk menemukan dalam bentuk yang masih murni.
Contoh yang sudah berumur sulit menghantarkan listrik, berbeda dengan contoh
yang masih muda.
SIFAT KIMIA: mudah membentuk ikatan dengan Xx kapan saja memungkinkan. Bisa
juga berikatan kuat dengan sesamanya. Menjadi mudah meledak ketika dicampur
dengan An (unsur: anak) untuk waktu tertentu. Dinetralkan dengan penjenuhan
menggunakan alkohol.
KEGUNAAN: tidak diketahui. Kemungkinan sumber utama metana. Spesimen yang
baik dapat menghasilkan sejumlah besar perintah.
PERINGATAN: ketidakberadaan Xx menyebabkan unsur ini cepat mengalami
dekomposisi dan mulai berbau.
***
source: DailyJoke
A blonde returned home from work and was shocked to find her house ransacked
and burglarized. She called the police immediately to report the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels and a K-9 unit
patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde
ran out onto the porch. The sight of the cop and his dog made her shudder.
She put her face in her hands as she sat down on the steps and began
moaning.
"What's the moaning all about, ma'am?" asked the officer.
The blonde replied, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen, so I
call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a blind
policeman!"
***
source: Handoko
Suatu hari terjadilah pertemuan antara sesama peternak ayam. Seorang
Peternak(I) ayam bertanya pada pertenak(II) ayam yang sukses..
Peternak (I): " ayam kamu kok setiap hari bertelur apa sih obat dan
rahasianya ? "
Peternak II : Mau tahu?? Tolong kamu beli balsem panas dan oleskan ke pantat
ayam trus ayam yang pantatnya kepanasan akan lari sambil nungging... pasti
tuh dikejar oleh ayam jantan.. ok?"
===
Pada suatu hari di amerika diadakan lomba kentut yang letaknya di kota New
York pas di monumen patung liberty dan final lomba tersebut diikuti 3 negara
:
1. AMERIKA
2. INGGRIS
3. INDONESIA
- Peserta pertama : dari Amerika
doutttt.....
kaca gedung pada pecah..
- Peserta kedua dari Inggris
preeeeetttttt......
mobil pada terbalik
- Peserta ketiga pas giliran dari Indonesia...
peesssssssss....
Penonton hening sejenak dan tak lama patung LIBERTY yang semula pegang buku
jadi tutup hidung.
Plok,plok,plok..... demikian sambutan dan applaus hangat penonton.
***
source: Achmad Y
[X]
During the war, three persons were caught by the German soldiers. They were
a Chinese, an Australian and a Japanese. They pleaded to the soldiers to
let them off, and the Captain agreed under one condition. The condition was
the total length of these guys' penis must be 21 inches or longer. So each
person must be at least 7 inches long to save their lives.
The Chinese took out his dick and it measured at 7 inches in length, The
Australian took out his too and it measured at 13 inches long. Followed by
was the Japanese, he took out his 'brother' and it measured at 1 inch only.
The total length of all the dicks was exactly at 21 inches, and the Captain
let them off. While the guys were on their way back, they started to talk
about the matter.
Chinese guy: You guys were lucky that my penis was 7 inches long and it save
our lives.
Australian guy: No! You guys were lucky that I had the longest dick that
save our lives.
Japanese guy: No! Both of you were lucky that I was having an erection at
that time !!!
***
source: Dina
Women's Dictionary
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Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by
a policeman.
Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but
he just hasn't realized it yet.
Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce,
chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned
everything up, but, he, "made the dinner".
Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand
them.
Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.
Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go
with a pound of M&M chocolate covered peanuts.
Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to
make a purchase.
Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you
will never be able to duplicate again. See also "Magician".
Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space...if he
goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.
Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions;
he gets to hold your hand and say, "Focus... breath... push... Good Girl!"
Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere
romantic". After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and
slide.
Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage
and children. See also "tranquilizers."
Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a
candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to
get a card.
Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower,
or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.
Zillion (zil*yen) n. The number of times you ask someone male to take out
the trash, then end up doing it yourself anyway.
*** End of Jokes ***
- koh fahmi -
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