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F R I E N D S H I P
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Original Sender : "M Fahmi Aulia" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
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Weekend sudah tiba, well...enjoy the jokes....B^)
*** Jokes begin ***
source: Winarko
Persaingan hebat tengah terjadi pada dua orang pendaki gunung yang sedang
berhadapan dengan seekor Singa Gunung yang tampak sedang lapar.
Salah seorang pendaki dengan tenang melepaskan sepatu dakinya dan mengganti
dengan sepatu lari.
"Apa gunanya sepatu lari itu untuknu ?"tanya temannya,"Kamu tetap saja tidak
bisa lari mendahului Singa itu."
Dengan tenang dia menjawab,"Memang, tetapi lari mendahuluimu pun sudah cukup
bagiku."
***
source: Yusuf
dua orang sedang berjalan ,sebut saja si uu ame si ai !!!!!!
si uu:"ai orang kulit hitam ( negro ) pakai sepatu berjalan malam hari yang
kelihatan apanya?"
si ai:"yang keliatan giginya."
si uu:"salah, yang benar sepatunya,soalnya sepatunya pakai lampu"
***
source: Elhade
What Women Want In A Man, Original List
(at age 22)
--
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially Successful
4. A Caring Listener
5. Witty
6. In Good Shape
7. Dresses with Style
8. Appreciates the Finer Things
9. Full of Thoughtful Surprises
10. An Imaginative, Romantic Lover
What Women Want In A Man, Revised List
(at age 32)
--
1. Nice Looking - preferably with hair on his head
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner at restaurant
4. Listens more than he talks
5. Laughs at my jokes at appropriate times
6. Can carry in all the groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home cooked meal
9. Remembers Birthdays and Anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week
What Women Want In A Man, Revised List
(at age 42)
--
1. Not too ugly - bald head OK
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
4. Nods head at appropriate times when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers the punchlines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Usually wears shirt that covers stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat lid down
10. Shaves on most weekends
What Women Want In A Man, Revised List
(at age 52)
--
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed to appropriate length
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep while I'm emoting
5. Doesn't re-tell same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on Weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV Dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves on some weekends
What Women Want In A Man, Revised List
(at age 62)
--
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when awake (LOUDLY when asleep)
5. Forgets why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers when...
What Women Want In A Man, Revised List
(at age 72)
--
1. Breathing
***
source: Jax
[cybercheeze: http://www.cybercheeze.com/features/jotd/signup.html}
Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches
his chest and drops dead at the table.
Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their
playing time standing up.
Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?"
They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one.
They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any
worse than it is.
"Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet.
Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me."
Rippington walks over to the Smith house and knocks on the door. The wife
answers and asks what he wants.
Rippington says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards."
She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!"
Rippington says, "I'll tell him."
***
source: Dina
This guy is walking with his friend. He says to this friend, "I'm a walking
economy."
His friend replies, "How so?"
"My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both
of these together are putting me into a deep depression."
[wah, ini sih berlaku banget di Indonesia, yah?? hehehe...]
===
Hanging in the hallway at Whites High School in Wabash, Ind., are the
basketball team pictures from the past 40 years. A player in the center of
the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying the year --
"62-63," "63-64," "64-65," etc. One day I spotted a freshman looking
curiously at the photos. Turning to me, he said, "Isn't it strange how the
teams always lost by one point?"
***
source: Christopher
Diamonds are a girl's best friends.
Dogs are man's best friend.
So which is the dumber sex?
===
Single women complain that all good men are married, while all married women
complain about their lousy husbands. This confirms that there is no such
thing as a good man.
===
Ever notice how many of women's problems can be traced to the male
gender?
MENstruation
MENopause
MENtal breakdown
GUYnecology
HIMmorrhoids
===
What's the difference between government bonds and men?
Bonds mature.
===
What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.
===
How are men like noodles?
They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
===
Why do men like BMWs?
They can spell it.
===
What do an anniversary and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.
===
Why are men like popcorn?
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
===
Why are men and spray paint alike?
One squeeze and they're all over you.
===
Why are men like blenders?
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
===
Why is food better than men?
Because you don't have to wait an hour for seconds.
===
Why do so many women fake orgasm?
Because so many men fake foreplay.
===
Why do men like frozen microwave dinners so much?
They like being able to both eat and make love in under 5 minutes.
===
Why would women be better off if men treated them like cars?
At least then they would get a little attention every 6 months or 10,000
miles, whichever came first.
===
What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date?
Slow.
===
What is the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
***
source: Hutch
Akika lapangan basket = aku laper banget
Akika mawar kencana = aku mau kencing
Akika Barry Prima = aku mau boker
Tinta Tawara = Tidak Tahu
Ramayana = Rame
Malaysia = Males
Jawara = Jauh
Nyi Blorong = Yuk Nyebrang
Mawar Ikatan = Mau Ikutan
Macan Tutul = Macet Total
Jangkar = Jangan
Ngobras = Ngobrol
Segindang = Segini
Begindang = Begini
Setengki = Setengah
Seprepi = Seperempat
Sukriya = Suka / Demen
Jumanji = Janji
Komisaris = Komisi
Lambreta = Lama
Ember = M = Emang
Papa Malosa = Pagi-Pagi Makan Lontong Sayur
James Bond = Gemes Bo'
Titi DJ = Ati-ati di jalan
Titi DJ - Rhoma Irama = Ati-ati di jalan [pause]
--> trus kalo ditanya Rhoma Irama-nya apa, jawabnya : Penyanyi Dangdut
***
source: Yuslan
Si Anto adalah anak SD kelas satu......selain juara di kelasnya, dia cukup
ganteng juga lah. Dia punya satu teman sekolah namanya Clara....si Clara
cantik dan manis.
Singkat cerita, si Anto jatuh hati sama si Clara...ternyata Clara juga punya
hati ama si Anto. Suatu hari, karena kagak tahan lagi si Anto berkata kepada
si Clara,"Clara, kamu tahu aku suka kepadamu. Sayang kita masih
kecil.....bila nanti kita udah dewasa, kita menikah ya...?!"
Dengan wajah yang memerah merona, si Clara menjawab" Anto, bukannya aku
menolak....aku sih mau aja...Tapi dalam keluarga kami, kami hanya menikah
sesama kerabat saja. Paman menikah dengna bibi, kakek menikah dengan nenek,
dan bahkan papa menikah dengan mama......padahal kan kamu bukan kerabat aku
Anto."
Mendengar jawaban si Clara, si Anto tidak masuk satu minggu karena patah
hati...
*** End of Jokes ***
- koh fahmi -
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