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F R I E N D S H I P
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Original Sender : "M Fahmi Aulia" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
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Akhir bulan...eh...akhir minggu...seperti biasa...B^P
Enjoy the jokes!!!
*** Jokes begin ***
source: DAM
Pernah Gus Dur pergi melihat pameran lukisan-lukisan binatang.
Seperti biasa dia dituntun ajudannya.
Gus Dur: "Wah, lukisan ini apik benar.
Gambar ikannya bener-bener hidup."
Ajudan: "Shttt... Jangan keras-keras Pak. Itu gambar buaya."
Kemudian mereka berpindah ke lukisan lain.
Gus Dur: "Gambar Gajah ini benar-benar gagah."
Ajudan: "Shttt... Ojo keras-keras Pak. Itu gambar banteng."
Gus Dur kemudian menahan diri memberi komentar sampai ia tiba pada satu
pojok ruang pameran dia berseru: "Wah, sing iki apik tenan. Lukisan Gorila
nya begitu nyata anatominya."
Ajudannya langsung tertegun dan berkata: "Shttt.... Jangan keras-keras Pak.
Itu cermin..."
[kalo ada fans Gus Dur, ngamuknya ke DAM ajah, yah?? bwehehe...]
***
source: Inggit
Seorang ibu sangat gusar melihat anak lelakinya tak henti-hentinya makan es
krim. Tentu saja ia kuatir makan malam yang telah disiapkannya akan mubazir
karena si anak biasanya lalu nggak mau makan akibat kebanyakan es krim.
"Udah, udah ah makan eskrimnya," kata si ibu sambil merebut kotak es krim
yang dipegang anaknya. "Nanti kamu nggak mau makan malam lagi. Sana
mainan..." Si anak dengan gaya merengeknya berkata, "Tapi Bu, aku main sama
siapa?"
"Oke, aku temani kamu mainan. Kamu ingin main apa?" tanya si ibu. "Aku ingin
main ayah-ayahan. Aku jadi ayah, Ibu sekarang pergi ke kamar dan berbaring
di tempat tidur." Si ibu menurut.
Si anak memakai topi ayahnya, memegang rokok di sela-sela jarinya dan
kemudian berjalan menuju kamar orangtuanya. Ketika ia membuka pintu, si ibu
berkata, "Ayah sudah pulang?" Dengan gaya dan suara dibuat semirip mungkin
dengan ayahnya, si anak menjawab, "Tidur aja. Anaknya nangis tuh, ambilkan
es krim sana..."
===
[X]
Seekor kucing jantang setiap malam selalu saja membuat keributan, bertarung
dengan kucing jantan lainnya, sebelum kemudian mengawini kucing betina.
Paginya si empunya kucing, Bang Mamat, selalu mendapati badan binatang
piaraannya tersebut dalam keadaan berdarah serta bulu-bulunya kotor dan
kusut. Lama-lama si empunya kucing merasa kesal dan mengebirinya.
Beberapa minggu kemudian, si kucing kelihatan tenang dan lebih senang di
dalam rumah. Suatu malam tiba-tiba saja ia kembali keluar rumah. Bang Mamat
mulai kuatir jangan-jangan berkelahi lagi seperti dulu.
Pagi harinya Bang Mamat mendapati kucingnya dalam keadaan bersih tak terluka
seperti dulu. Digendongnya kucing tersebut sambil bergumam,"Tumben kamu
keluar tengah malam tapi pulangnya tak ada luka sama sekali."
"Soalnya, sekarang aku jadi konsultan," jawab si kucing.
***
source: Daily Jokes
The hit-and-run victim was just getting to his feet when a policeman ran up
to help.
"My mother-in-law just tried to run me over!" the shaken man told the cop.
"The car hit you from behind," the officer said. "How could you tell it was
your mother-in-law?"
"I recognized her laugh!"
***
source: Weekly Jokes
THE RULES
1. The Female always makes THE RULES.
2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice.
3. No Male can possibly know all THE RULES.
4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES, she must immediately
change some of THE RULES.
5. The Female is never wrong.
6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant
misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.
7. If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the
misunderstanding.
8. The Female can change her mind at any time.
9. The Male must never change his mind without the express written consent
of The Female.
10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to
be angry or upset.
12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she
wants him to be angry or upset.
13. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.
14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what she
said.
15. If the Male doesn't abide by THE RULES, it is because he can't take the
heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.
16. If the Female has PMS, all THE RULES are null and void and the Male must
cater to her every whim.
17. Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm.
18. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule
#5.
***
source: Cybercheeze
Two little children, a boy and a girl, walked hand-in-hand to a neighbor's
house. Standing on her tiptoes, the little girl was just able to reach the
doorbell. A woman greeted them and asked what they wanted.
"We're playing house," the little girl answered. "This is my husband and I
am his wife. May we come in?"
Thoroughly enchanted by the scene confronting her, the lady said, "By all
means, do come in."
Once inside, she offered the children lemonade and cookies which they
graciously accepted. When a second tall glass of lemonade was offered, the
little girl refused by saying, "No thank you. We have to go now. My husband
just wet his pants."
***
source: Raihan
Sebuah keluarga akhirnya dapat pindah ke rumah yang lebih besar.beberapa
waktu kemudian salah seorang anaknya bertemu dengan teman dari daerah bekas
rumah lamanya.
"Bagaimana rumah barumu ? enak ?" tanya si teman.
"Ya, tentu saja. Kami punya kamar sendiri-sendiri. Cuma kasihan mama, ia
tetap saja sekamar dengan papa." jawab si anak.
***
source: DHT
[X]
Dalam sebuah pameran Lukisan, seorang pengunjung bertanya kepada pelukisnya
:
" Mengapa Anda melukis wanita telanjang itu dari arah belakang ? "
Pelukis : " Saya sudah pernah mencoba dari depan, ternyata lukisan itu tidak
pernah selesai. "
***
source: Totoro
Jika ada kebakaran di Jakarta, kemungkinan penyebabnya adalah:
1. orang jakarta nggak mau kalah sama orang kalimantan yang bakar hutan,
berhubung dijakarta nggak ada hutan terpaksa bakar apa saja.
2. semua orang jakarta lagi kepingin makan jagung bakar. jadi pada rame-rame
bakar jagung. dikira kebakaran, padahal lagi makan jagung bakar rame-rame.
3. berhubung dijakarta susah cari jagung untuk dibakar terpaksa bakar apa
saja. ya sekali-sekali makan mobil bakar, kantor bakar, sepeda
bakar...kira-kira manusia bakar mereka suka nggak yaa ?
*** End of Jokes ***
- koh fahmi -
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