A friend emailed it to me. I got a big laugh out of it and thought some of you might too. One of my favorite lines:
Brantley’s signature is a 3 and out, capped off with a 2 yard completion on 3rd and 10. On Tue, Jan 4, 2011 at 2:07 PM, Oliver Barry <oli...@bobparks.com> wrote: > Helen, > > I don’t know where you found this, but it’s great! > > > > > > Oliver Barry CRS,GRI > > Real Estate Broker > > Bob Parks Realty > > 1517 Hunt Club Blvd > > Gallatin TN 37066 > > Phone: 615-826-4040 > > Fax: 615-822-2027 > > Mobile: 615-972-4239 > > > > > ------------------------------ > > *From:* gatortalk@googlegroups.com [mailto:gatort...@googlegroups.com] *On > Behalf Of *Helen Huntley > *Sent:* Tuesday, January 04, 2011 11:30 AM > *To:* gatortalk > *Subject:* [gatortalk] Very funny commentary on the Outback Bowl > > > > > > > > > *Uncensored Play-by-Play Of The 2011 Outback Bowl * > > [image: SEC College Football Analysis Blog Facebook Teams] > > [image: SEC Football Articles College Sports Teams 2010] > > [image: College Football Articles SEC Sports Teams 2010]Share Article > > Jan 3rd, 2011 > By William Wallace<http://www.saturdaydownsouth.com/author/williamwallace/> > Author's Twitter @WillWallaceSEC <http://twitter.com/WillWallaceSEC> > > [image: > http://0.gravatar.com/avatar/63b47127b5387d0e2df7a1c0da6c9634?s=62&d=http%3A%2F%2F0.gravatar.com%2Favatar%2Fad516503a11cd5ca435acc9bb6523536%3Fs%3D62&r=G] > > This will be the first game to bet in 2011. I like the Gators -7, but I’m > all in on one of these coaches dying during the game. It’s an exotic. > > Even before the game starts, Tirico and Gruden twice say Paterno is “Sharp > as ever.” This is the ageist version of “He’s very well spoken”. > > *14:58 1st * > > [image: > http://www.saturdaydownsouth.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/joeurban-300x210.jpg]<http://www.saturdaydownsouth.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/joeurban.jpg>Florida > comes out in their all-white road uniforms. Penn State comes out with their > all-white football team. > > The media is still confused as to why Kansas City Chiefs Offensive > Coordinator Charlie Weis is leaving the NFL to take the same position at the > college level. I’m being told the hiring went something like this: > > Will Muschamp: “I know this is a long shot, I mean you are getting ready > for the NFL playoffs and we’re getting ready for the Outback Bowl, so…. > > Charlie Weis: “Let me stop you right there. Did you say Outback Bowl? > That’s the place with the Bloomin’ Onion right? I’m your man. Outback > Bowl! That sounds delicious.” > > Muschamp: “Boom!” > > *14:01 1st * > > John Brantley continues his quest to be the worst player in the history of > college football with a terrible interception on his first pass attempts of > the game. In his defense, all his wide receivers apparently are also the > QBs he’s competing with. If they loaf a route, it just means more snaps > behind center for them. > > *11:24 1st* > > Perfect weather in Tampa today. 72 and cloudless. Sunburn likely will be > factor for fair skinned Penn State late in the game. > > Penn State capitalizes on the Brantley interception with a 6 yard TD Pass, > Matthew McGloin to Derek Moye. > > *9:08 1st Penn State 7 Florida 0* > > Random ABC Shots of Joe Pa aimlessly roaming the sidelines: 4 > > *7:45 1st* > > Florida goes 3 and out, which is a vast improvement from the last drive. > > Joe Pa says the pirate ship in Tampa’s stadium reminds him of the boat he > took to “The New World.” > > *6:25 1st * > > Florida Safety Ahmad Black picks off McGloin and returns it all the way to > the Penn State 15. If there is anyone who can turn such a great opportunity > into zero points it’s Steve Addazio and this Florida offense. > > Random ABC Shots of Joe Pa aimlessly roaming the sidelines: 7 > > *5:12 1st* > > Never failing to disappoint, Florida’s 3rd string QB Trey Burton fumbles > into the endzone. Urban pulls into the lead in the death pool. Easy money. > > *2:20 1st* > > Florida’s offensive coordinator Steve Addazio was recently named the new > head coach at Temple. After the season he had I’m shocked he’s getting that > opportunity. When I heard Addazio was being considered for the Temple job I > assumed it meant he was going to be a janitor at a synagogue. > > Random ABC Shots of Joe Pa aimlessly roaming the sidelines: 10 > > *1:12 1st* > > Florida does what it does best, the old Mike Pouncey shotgun snap misfire > for an 18 yard loss. With erratic throws like that Pouncey might work > himself into Florida’s QB rotation. > > *Penn** State 7 Florida 0 End of the 1st* > > How in the hell does ABC not have a microphone on Joe Pa? I would love to > hear what he’s yelling at Assistant coach Mike McQueary. That poor > redheaded bastard is taking a verbal beating from the old man. > > *13:25 2nd * > > Matt McGloin throws his 2nd interception of the game. It says he only > threw 4 picks all season? He might reach that mark before the half. > > Florida starts the drive at Penn State’s 15. Don’t be shocked if Florida > punts from inside the redzone. > > Omarius Hines takes a reverse 16 yards for a Touchdown. Hey, Addazio, give > this guy the ball more. He’s built like a Navy Seal. > > *12:48 Penn State 7 Florida 7* > > ABC shows an interview of Paterno saying he hopes to come back next > season. Tirico comes back and says, “Paterno is sharp as ever. He’s > telling stories like he did 5-8 years ago.” Is that even a compliment? > > *10:12 2nd * > > Freshman DT Sharrif Floyd blows through the line and destroys Penn State RB > Silas Rudd for a 2 yard loss. Gruden goes on to call him Sharrif Brown 3 > times. Gruden often mistakenly calls players by their first name and their > skin color. He also called Penn State QB Matt McGloin, Matt Insanely-Pale. > > Random ABC Shots of Joe Pa aimlessly roaming the sidelines: 13 > > *10:03 2nd * > > Citrus Bowl Score update: Alabama is up on Michigan State 21-0 halfway > through the 2nd Qtr. In a related story, Michigan State’s Mark Dantonio > is the new leader in the Death Pool. Sadly, I wouldn’t win money in that > scenario. > > *6:48 2nd* > > Florida’s Ahmad Black is a stud. He blasted Justin Brown, breaking up a > sure thing 1st down. He came up with a blood pouring out of his mouth. > Florida is already without starting CB’s Janoris Jenkins and Jeremy Brown. > If Black is out Florida is getting thin in the secondary. I recommend > moving Deonte Thompson over to defense in a pinch. They say DB are > receivers who can’t catch. Thompson will be a natural. > > Florida finally executes their best offensive play, the punt block for a > TD. The Gators have their first lead of the day. > > *5:48 Florida 14 Penn State 7* > > Penn State is picking on the depleted Florida secondary. McGloin > completes a 44 yard bomb to Derek Moye, and punch it in for a TD a play > later. > > Despite a pair of subpar offensive performances, we have a shootout > brewing. > > *4:09 2nd Penn State 14 Florida 14* > > Random ABC Shots of Joe Pa aimlessly roaming the sidelines: 13 > > *2:48 2nd * > > Tim Tebow’s signature play was a QB run on 3rd and short. Brantley’s > signature is a 3 and out, capped off with a 2 yard completion on 3rd and > 10. > > Meyer moves back in the Death Pool lead after Chas Henry’s 14 yard punt. > Meyer’s look to Henry reads, “Honestly, Chas, do you want my heart explode?” > > After watching Joe Pa verbally abuse that Red Headed assistant coach, Penn > State kicks a FG and takes back the lead. > > *:45 Penn State 17 Florida 14* > > Brantley rolls into a ball and takes a sack before half. > > *Half Penn State 17 Florida 14* > > My biggest regret of 2011 is missing Paterno’s interview with Suzy Kolber > at the half. > > Random ABC Shots of Joe Pa aimlessly roaming the sidelines: 24. He’s > having a huge 3rd Qtr. > > *10:48 3rd* > > Jordan Reed is getting all plays on this drive and the Gators are marching > down the field. Yet, after a penalty, the Gators face 3rd & 9, so Addazio > brings in Brantley. It’s a tough spot for Brantley, who throws a quick > incompletion. Even it if had been completed Hines would have been 7 yards > short of the 1st down. This is hard to watch. > > Punter Chas Henry nails a 30 yard FG. Florida ties it up. > > *9:09 Penn State 17 Florida 17* > > Florida Frankie Hammonds bobbles Alex Butterworth’s punt, causing Tirico to > quip, “Hammonds gets butterfingers on Butterworth’s punt.” Gruden simply > responds, “Fag.” > > *6:47 3rd* > > Florida Punter Chas Henry goes rogue and apparently calls his own fake > punt. Urban’s children corner Henry, saying, “So, you just want us to grow > up without our father? Is that your plan, Chas?” > > *4:50 3rd* > > Penn State runs a reverse to speedy Devon Smith for 19 yards. This guy is > SEC fast. Hey, Joe Pa, give that guy the ball! > > Matt McGloin runs it in for a TD. He’s already showing signs of 3rddegree > sunburn on his face and neck. > > *4:39 3rd Penn State 24 Florida 17* > > Florida’s going with Jordan Reed on 1st and 2nd down and Brantley on 3rdand > long. They are Lindsey Lohan screwed up. > > Chas Henry tries to smooth things over with the Meyer family by drilling a > 47 yard FG. > > *2:42 3rd Penn State 24 Florida 20* > > I haven’t seen Paterno roaming the sideline in a while. He must be > napping. > > *:59 3rd * > > McGloin is picked off for the 3rd time today. His next will equal his > regular season total. > > Joe Pa sighting. He’s laying into that giant red headed coach, the poor > bastard. They’re people, just like you and me, Joe! > > *End of the 3rd Penn State 24 Florida 20* > > Florida is quickly faced with a 4th and 2 from their own 17. 2nd string > QB Jordan Reed converts on a 3 yard pass to 3rd string QB Trey Burton. > > Florida capitalizes on a questionable pass interference call and Mike > Gillislee punches it in from the 1 yard line. Florida takes the lead back. > > The sunburn factor is catching up with Penn State. > > *13:02 4th Florida 27 Penn State 24* > > Florida has the lead, but Meyer still is in the lead of the Death Pool. > Blood starts trickling out of his ear after an obvious Penn State fumble > isn’t reviewed. I’m browsing real estate on the North Shore of Oahu online. > > Random ABC Shots of Joe Pa aimlessly roaming the sidelines: 32. > > Jordan Reed has moments where he looks like Cam Newton. He has more > moments where he looks like John Brantley. > > Reed and Omarius Hines lead Florida all the way down to the 2 yard line, > but they only come away with a FG. The drive burned a lot of clock, but > Penn State is still a TD away from the lead. Big stop for the Nittnay > Lions. > > *7:32 4th Florida 30 Penn State 24* > > [image: > http://www.saturdaydownsouth.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/urban-162x300.jpg]<http://www.saturdaydownsouth.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/urban.jpg>It’s > a race to the grave for these coaches. Meyer is looking terrible. He is > coaching hard, but this Florida team is very average and it’s killing him. > (Nobody saw that coming, right?) On the other sideline it’s getting warmer > and Joe Pa is getting cranky. He’s ready to get back to the Happy Valley. > ABC is frequently showing the two in split-screen, hoping to catch the kill > shot. That’s ABC’s phrase, not mine. I find it repulsive. > > Give Joe Pa credit, he looks money in his cashmere polo sweater. No chance > I look that cool when I’m 96. > > *3:14 4th * > > Florida burns more clock, but Penn State is getting the ball back with a > chance to win the game. > > Chas Henry totally redeems himself with a 59 yard punt. McGloin will have > to go 79 yards with no timeouts if he wants to win this game. > > *1:48 4th * > > Evan Royster is fresh. He busts off a run of 23 yards and then goes for 7 > more, down to Florida’s 25. Momentum is with the Nittnay Lions. > > Momentum can be a funny thing. Ahmad Black intercepts Matt McGloin and > returns it 80 yards for a TD. This game is over. Ahmad Black was a monster > today. > > McGloin threw 4 interceptions in the regular season and 4 today. I could > make an SEC speed joke here, but Penn State has dominated the SEC in the > past. They don’t deserve that. > > *:55 Florida 37 Penn State 24* > > Random ABC Shots of Joe Pa aimlessly roaming the sidelines: 43. > > *:14 4th * > > Moses Jenkins steps in front of a Matt McGloin pass giving the Gators 5 > interceptions on the day. A fitting end. Speed Kills. > > *Final Score Florida 37 Penn State 24* > > If you had a bet on Florida winning you’re already up in 2011. If you are > like me than you went all in on the exotic bet of a coach dying during the > Outback Bowl. The future doesn’t look bright for us. > > See y’all at the BCS Championship Game > > > > > > > > > -- > > Helen Huntley > > (727) 823-3801 > > www.helenhuntley.com > > -- > GATORS: ONE VOICE ON SATURDAY - NO VOICE ON SUNDAY! > 1996 National Football Champions | 2006 National Basketball Champions > 2006 National Football Champions | 2007 National Basketball Champions > 2008 National Football Champions | > Three Heisman Trophy winners: Steve Spurrier (1966), Danny Wuerffel (1996), > Tim Tebow (2007) - Visit our website at www.gatornet.us > > -- > GATORS: ONE VOICE ON SATURDAY - NO VOICE ON SUNDAY! > 1996 National Football Champions | 2006 National Basketball Champions > 2006 National Football Champions | 2007 National Basketball Champions > 2008 National Football Champions | > Three Heisman Trophy winners: Steve Spurrier (1966), Danny Wuerffel (1996), > Tim Tebow (2007) - Visit our website at www.gatornet.us -- Helen Huntley (727) 823-3801 www.helenhuntley.com -- GATORS: ONE VOICE ON SATURDAY - NO VOICE ON SUNDAY! 1996 National Football Champions | 2006 National Basketball Champions 2006 National Football Champions | 2007 National Basketball Champions 2008 National Football Champions | Three Heisman Trophy winners: Steve Spurrier (1966), Danny Wuerffel (1996), Tim Tebow (2007) - Visit our website at www.gatornet.us
